


Life on the Wall

by texting_fangirl



Series: D.E.S Files || The Dystopian Endverse Scenario || [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Drug Addiction, Drugs, F/F, F/M, Future, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kidnapping, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) Smokes, M/M, Military Police being powerful af, Multi, Reader-Insert, References to Drugs, Self-Hatred, Smoking, Sniper guns, The 104th training squad, Undecided Relationship(s), Wall Patrol, black clothes, no survey corps, rifles, stationary guards, traitors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-27
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-09-27 07:24:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 62,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9982715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/texting_fangirl/pseuds/texting_fangirl
Summary: Nobody goes beyond the Wall; it is forbidden.Nobody talks about those who did, ages ago, because they are forgotten.Nobody questions it, because nobody wants to.The Stationary Guards are a Subdivision of the Wall Patrol Unit, the first line of defense against what lurks outside, but against what lies within they are powerless.Corruption, drugs and loss of conscious thinking dictate the lands behind the Walls that are left standing; people in the cities forget about their troubles and the world with whatever kills those thoughts the fastest.The days on watch atop Wall Rose are lonely, except for the occasional company of the chain-smoking Captain Ackermann.Life goes on and takes an unexpected turn after a letter reaches you and pulls you down from your place among the soldiers, back to a life you left behind, but the present that you're given as a fare-well from your past is not free and with it, the tables turn.-A dystopian AU Reader Insert





	1. Cigarettes and vanishing Soldiers

A figure clad in black slumped down next to you, cigarette already between the lips.  
"Got fire?" He mumbled, not opening his mouth to keep the small piece secure.  
You glanced over, flexing your fingers around the small metal piece in your hand.  
"I swear to god, these things are going to kill you one day." You remarked before leaning over and lighting the cigarette.  
He just grunted as a response and took the first drag.

It annoyed you that it was always you who gave him fire when he forgot his lighter, but you also knew that he knew you always carried one, despite not smoking yourself.  
Your view fell back on the landscape in front of you.  
It looked calm and quiet from afar.

 

Legs hanging over the edge of the wall and elbows placed on your knees you looked down.  
There were still houses standing close to the massive wall, which had once housed people. They lay abandoned now; nobody had entered them in months. Some roofs already showed signs of decay and were missing parts.  
"What you're trying to find down there? Your dreams?"  
"Shut up Ackermann."  
He scoffed and took another breath, leaning back on his hands, looking almost relaxed.  
Your fingers opened and closed the lid of your lighter by themselves, your mind being somewhere else.  
It startled you as a slender hand covered yours and stopped the constant clicking.  
"Stop it, brat." His calm voice said, his eyes meeting yours. He was uncomfortably close, the stench of smoke burning in your nose.  
You raised an eyebrow.  
He returned to his position besides you, muttering something inaudible under his breath.  
"If there's something you wanna tell me say it to my face, Ackermann." The sarcasm got the better of you.  
Levi only frowned at you and kept quiet.  
After another few minutes of clouds passing overhead and watching the patches of sunlight growing smaller you stood up.  
Your break was up and it was time to go back to patrolling the wall.  
The constant wind up here tore at your clothes and for a moment the thought of falling made your breath hitch in your throat.  
Then you stepped back from the ledge.  
"See you."  
He only nodded his head, his cigarette almost out.  
He got another one out and lit it on the first one.

 

You met him in the evening again, at dinner, in one of the spacious warm halls.  
Or rather, the entrance to one.  
He stood just outside and you almost hit him with the door as you exited the hall.  
"Watch-" He began, voice ice cold.  
"Yeah, yeah, 'watch it brat'!" You mocked his voice with rolling eyes.  
His face softened the slightest bit upon recognizing your person.  
He shrugged it off and continued smoking, leaning back against one of the two heavy doors.  
You gave a last disapproving look and turned away to leave for the sleeping quarters when Levi doubled over in a coughing fit.  
You turned back, a sceptical look on your face.  
"Keep it together, Ackermann." You went back and placed a gloved hand on his back which earned you another frown.  
"F...ck off, ...rat." He managed to bring out between two coughs.  
You sighed and urged him over to the side, pushing him down until he sat on the wooden steps leading up to the hall. Pointing a finger at him not to move you vanished inside the room and shortly after returned with a cup of water.  
Wordlessly you held it out to him.  
He didn't seem too fond of the water but took it nonetheless.  
With two gulps it was gone.

Silence returned to the dark night, only torches softly crackling in the distance.  
With a soft sound of discomfort you sat down next to the guy in dark clothes who seemed to melt into the shadows if one didn't directly look at him.  
"Told you." You broke the silence, not looking at him.  
"Tch. 'hell you told me." He fished another cigarette out of his package and took it in his mouth.  
You weren't that dumb to try and talk him out of it. He nudged your side with his elbow and after another disapproving look you lit the small pack of illness.

 

You only caught mere sight of the short man in the following days as he seemed to have gotten his own lighter back and didn’t rely on you anymore.  
Additionally you had been assigned to a different part of the Wall than him, but that didn’t bother you.  
It meant a small break from his smoking and annoying comments and you actually got to enjoy the scenery from up here which didn’t happen often.  
Once, a titan even came so close to the wall that your sniper gun could reach it. After a quick glance around you shot it down. It usually wasn’t allowed to get one out without supervision from the next higher ranking person, but since nobody had been on the same part of the brick building as you, you had taken matters into your own hand.  
Now you stared down at the figure that was softly steaming and decomposing.  
It was ridiculous.  
There was an arsenal of good weapons inside the third wall, you had seen it once yourself, and with the right people one could make a plan to recapture the outer wall. Maybe even venture beyond that wall once it was retaken and finally find out what the hell was going on.  
But no.  
Orders were to stay on position and keep titans from the wall.

 

He was bending over once again, hands on his knees and his lungs screaming as he coughed.  
A stern figure was by his side, just out of sight but he knew you were there.  
Probably with your arms crossed and one of those looks on your face.  
Your gloved hand placed itself on the small of his back, giving some reassurance.  
He spat out something dark.  
After another look you identified it as blood.  
'Congrats, Ackermann.' You thought. 'Way to go to kill yourself slowly.' But you kept quiet.  
Another cough, another mouthful of blood.  
Then he lifted himself up.  
There was liquid smeared around his lips which were now red, swollen and covered with moisture. To someone else he might have looked attracting.  
You wrinkled your nose and handed him a tissue.  
His eyes looked uncertain, as if he didn't know if you'd either offer comfort or a snarky comment next. And then there was his inner wall to distance himself from everyone, too.  
Again, you kept quiet and resorted to only watching him.  
"You good?"  
"Ah fuck off." He mumbled, avoiding your face.  
He fumbled with the almost empty pack, his fingers shaking, making it near impossible to get another one out.  
"Having fun there killing yourself?" There, it was out. No way in taking that back.  
Your face was dark, eyebrows knit and arms crossed.  
His eyes glanced briefly at you.  
"Fuck." He said, running a hand through his short hair.  
"Fuck!" He repeated, louder and more energetic this time, turning his back to you.  
"Fuck!" He directed at you, aiming a fist at your face.  
In this weakened, almost delirious state he was no match for you and you easily dodged all his hits, deflected some and eventually grabbed his wrist.  
With a quick move his arm was twisted to his back and he groaned in annoyance.  
"Hey. Watch it." You said quietly into his ear, breathing in the disgusting sharp scent of smoke that surrounded him. His figure twitched, as if trying to break free.  
"Keep it together, Ackermann." Your voice had gone down another octave, being nothing more than a snarl now.  
After another moment of him tensing and flexing his muscles he dropped it.  
His head fell back on your shoulder and you pushed him away.  
"There." You said. "Back at it again, Ackermann. Proud of you."  
Taking another step to get some distance between the two of you, you eyed him up and down, crossing arms again.  
Unlike the black haired asshole in front of you, you didn't need to voice every comment that crossed your mind. Your expressions were enough.

 

Patrolling the damn wall hadn't been advertised as nice and comfy, and it wasn't, but it was a job and jobs were rare.  
The crap invasion of titans had put a screeching halt to the evolution of technology and rendered humanity almost incapable of surviving.  
Painfully slow the knowledge of farming had been taught to the population again, after years of machines taking the work off mankind's hands.  
The walls had been a heavenly present and provided shelter; But they were also a giant stewing pot waiting to boil over.  
Drug sells and usage had skyrocketed, no matter of what drug as long as it took away conscious thinking for a while.  
Almost 80℅ of the population living inside the walls were addicts.  
The few who weren't or who were abstinent had to divide power among themselves, try to keep the youth out of the worst slums and at the same time defend the worst of humanity against what could wipe them out in mere hours. And of course provide everyone with food.  
It was never a reassuring thought that most of the people you were defending didn't even know they were in danger.

The responsibility had taken tolls on everyone.  
Captain Levi was a sarcastic asshole who tried to kill himself without actually committing suicide, Armin Arlert, a fellow Cadet, was a brilliant strategist when he wasn't high on LSD and making up stuff like flying machines.  
Eren Jaeger was a lunatic who kept drugs at arm’s length - so much he didn't even share a room with someone who had drunken one glass of alcohol. It made conversations and exchange of commands between Levi and him rather difficult, and there had been more than one occasion in which the Captain had yelled through a door to get the damn kid up from moping about some minor business.  
His stepsister Mikasa was silent as a grave and skilled beyond belief but you had walked in on her using her defender knife on herself outside of protocol, and the other girl, Sasha Blouse, regularly tried to eat her dismal away... Which resulted in extra shouts from Levi and another round of jogging over the gigantic brick wall for her whole training squad.  
There had been the 'Levi-Squad' around the black haired male before the pressure had become unbearable for some of them.  
One had taken to drinking, one had tried a new drug called Lucky U and infected the only girl in the group, killing them and a third guy with an overdose.  
Struck by grief the drinker one had taken a step over the edge.  
Levi, being the strongest, had been left behind.  
People from your training corps had told you he had taken up smoking almost immediately.

And then you had come in with a lighter as a constant companion, silently watching with crossed arms.  
The first personal encounter had been in the training ring, ending in you being beaten bloody by the short haired male.  
Afterwards he had stood outside, his lighter not producing a flame and you had silently burned the tip of the cigarette with your own.  
A few glances had been exchanged, measuring each other, and afterwards there had been a silent agreement of peace.

 

Now you slowly walked around the panting male.  
"Stop that." He spat out, glaring at you.  
After another moment you stepped closer to him again, after another cough shook his body.  
"I fucking hate you." You brought out and shoved him into the direction of the sleeping quarters.  
Upon arriving in his room you dumped a few towels in water and hung them before the lit fireplace to keep the air moist.  
Levi had collapsed by the door, too exhausted from his body's battle to do little more than watch your form going around the room.  
The window was closed and so the temperature in the room rose steadily, as well as the humidity.  
Soon enough drops of sweat ran down his neck, but he couldn't deny he felt breathing to be easier.

He looked up to see you in a black tank top you must have worn underneath your usual layers of clothing. They normally hid your true figure, but now the soft dips your waistline did were visible.  
Hair was pulled into a hastily made bun, a few strands sticking to your dampened skin.  
He groaned but managed to get up without help, ignoring the hand you had extended.  
The sweat trickled down his body and he felt himself getting more and more disgusted by his own scent.  
His head was pounding now but he felt his body functions return to normal so he went over into the small room to wash himself.

When he came back out there were some bread and a glass of water waiting on his table. Seemingly disinterested you skipped through an old magazine that had been lying on the desk. Your eyes flickered up to his face and then back down to the bundle of paper, paying no attention to the fact he was shirtless.  
Levi made attempts to open the window but you interfered. A hand slammed shut the panels and two pairs of annoyed eyes met.  
“Sit.” You said, pointing over to the desk with the hand that held the magazine. His eyes somehow narrowed even more.  
“I’m not your dog.” He pressed out between closed teeth.  
“No, you’re my fucking superior who can’t even take care of him damn self ‘cause he didn’t have the guts to just put an end to it.” Two could play this game.  
His eyes were glinting and you knew he was pissed now.  
“Watch your mouth.” He spat out, not moving away from the close position he had. Your bodies were almost intimately close and you felt heat rolling up your back from the discomfort it brought. “I never asked you to take care of me.”  
You huffed. “Really, this card now? I’d have expected more of ‘humanity’s strongest’.”  
He continued to stare into your face. “Do you want me to beat you up again?” Your eyes flinched. Instead of answering his question you took a step away from him.  
“You’re fucking dying, Ackermann.”  
He lowered his eyes. “I know that much.” His mouth was a hard line.  
“Good. Then either you do something about that or stop guilt-tripping me.” It was enough. Pulling your shirt back over your head and grabbing your jacket you pushed past the frozen Levi.  
As soon as the wooden door slammed shut behind your person Levi’s face fell.  
“Fuck.” He said quietly, rubbing his damp face and turning towards the door. For a moment he wanted to go after you. He fought the impulse and sat down in front of the food you had left.  
He refused to acknowledge the feeling in his gut that told him you were right, that he was killing himself and that he should do something about it.  
The relationship he had with you was almost reassuring; soothing on the wound the death of his closest friends had left. And now he was driving you away, after seeking out your company to forget about his own problems for a while. To be fair, he had been trying to do just that. It had been an experiment, to see how long you’d stay before leaving as well. Everyone did, eventually. Especially in a world like this.  
It felt like you just had, and he didn’t want to think of that as bad. Not now.

His insomnia kept him awake.  
As the new day dawned he got up from the hard bed and readied himself for the day. Shortly before the bell for breakfast rung he knocked on the door of your room, still thinking about what to say when you’d open. To his confusion you did not do so, even after he knocked a second and third time.  
He called out your name and knocked again before trying the door knob. It turned and opened, leading into an empty room.  
The bed was made and looked untouched, there were clothes missing from the cupboards and the case for you guns was empty.  
“Um, Sir?” A shy voice spoke up.  
As he turned around he saw a recruit standing in the door, a rifle slung over his back and binoculars dangling from his neck. He was so tall he almost touched the door’s lintel. Freckles covered his nose.  
“Um, apologies Sir but I think you missed her. There was a message from the inner wall and she took a horse centre-ward yesterday night.”  
“-Fine. Dismissed.” The newbie nodded and hurried away, leaving Levi in a somewhat thoughtful state of mind. A message? From the inner wall? Why hadn’t he heard of it sooner?  
He turned and looked out of the window. The events of yesterday seemed so far away now, now that you were out of reach for him.  
The room felt strangely empty, as if you didn’t intend to come back.  
He closed the door behind himself and lingered for a moment longer before the bell sounded.


	2. Beyond and Below

Once you had passed the main wall you gave away your horse and took a train east, heading for Wall Sina and leaving the town of Krelva behind  
Again and again you read the few sentences that were written of the piece of paper the courier had brought.  
It crumbled in your fist.  
Outside the landscape flew past, the weight of the paper in your hands seeming to grow with each mile you came closer to the capital.  
There were few passengers on the train, and everyone in your close proximity had abandoned their seats after you had boarded. The grey and black clothes, the watchful posture and most notably the rifle slung over your back identified you as a soldier, and soldiers meant trouble. The so called Military Police was constantly snatching people from the streets who openly used or sold drugs, and sometimes they spied on people until they saw them doing something against the law to justify their actions.  
The poor bastards would then get transported into the territory between Wall Sina and Rose, to sober up and then work on the fields. Instead of sitting in a crowded prison, people were sent to do valuable work benefitting everyone.  
As far as you knew the conditions weren’t too bad, at least not worse than a life inside Wall Sina and high on drugs was. The people on your train didn’t distinguish between MPs and simple Wall Patrol, even though the fact they had had enough money or connections for a train ticket should consider them as civilians and not targets for the fields. But whatever.  
It would still take plenty of time for the train to reach the inner city but a nervous feeling already settled in your stomach. One didn’t simply decide to become a soldier and still went back to family and friends. No, soldiers consisted of those few people too stubborn to cave in, the ones who had lost much or decided to leave behind.  
But just like that the time before you joined the mindless dogs awaiting commands got back to you.

 

His eyes burned themselves into the back of the blond man standing before a window, arms crossed on his back and looking outside.  
He turned around. “For the last time, Levi, there hasn’t been an official message being issued to our part of the wall’s division in days. We’re more or less on our own here, I, of all people would know if it was different.”  
It couldn’t be. He remained silent, arms crossed over his chest and glaring daggers at the Commander.  
“Maybe somebody inside the city knows her.” Erwin slowly walked up and down behind his massive desk, looking like a predator waiting for the perfect moment to jump. “Apparently her presence has been requested by a close family member, otherwise she’d not have left as quickly, don’t you think?”  
It didn’t make sense. “She doesn’t have family.”  
Erwin lifted an eyebrow and leaned forward on his table. “Are you sure? Do you really know her that well?”  
The comment hit him harder than expected. He thought he had, he had read her file, there hadn’t been mentions of any family bonds, no remarks on friends or acquaintances. But did reading a file and punching someone down actually made you know the other person?  
As bitter as it was, he had to admit he did not fully know the person who had had his back the past months. And that was startling. How could he have been so blind towards her background?  
His expression didn’t falter but something in his eyes must have changed, because the Commander stood up straight.  
“Your request in going after this soldier has been refused, Levi. You are to remain on your position. That is all.”  
Anger flared up again, his fists tensing. Without another word he turned around and left the office.

Patrol shift was shittier than ever. Two other Cadets were up here with him as well, their guns in their hands and chatting away with each other.  
He shot a glare over to where they had sit down now, the deadly weapons lightly perched on their knees as they shared a bite. They didn’t have respect for what had been given to them. Granted, the explosive bullets used in rifles these days were much safer than the first ones which tended to go up if on as much as dropped his gun, but it still wasn’t an excuse to not keep them safe while they weren’t in action  
The recruits also were rather young, he noted. Someone from the Military Police must have used their status to the advantage of these brats. His lips snarled at the thought of spoiled kids taking the place where other, more deserving people could have stood.  
Muttering about their incompetence he pulled out a cigarette. The small roll of paper had just reached his lips when one of the newbie’s shouted.  
They excitedly pointed towards something on the outer side of the wall, aiming their guns nervously but not shooting.  
Two titans were approaching the wall at a slow pace, both of them looking rather disorientated in movement.  
Levi rolled his eyes at the shouting and pointing the trainees still practiced, picked up his own sniper rifle, took aim and shot both down.  
The shots were fired so close after one another that there was only one sharp ‘bang’ to be heard.  
He lowered the weapon. Halfway turning around to check where you sat on the wall today and if it was worth it going over to get fire from you, he stopped. You wouldn’t be here; the two Cadets who came running over at this very moment painfully underlined that fact.  
The mouth of the rifle was still hot, if he’d held it directly to his cigarette after shooting he might have...  
“Sir! That was a great shot, Sir!”, “Where did you learn how to shoot this fast, Sir?” Came the breathless voices of the idiots assigned to his part of the wall.  
“I practice on Cadet’s who abandon their positions.” He said in a monotone voice, letting his eyes flicker from their faces to the place they should be.  
To his amusement the little shits turned pale and couldn’t get back fast enough, profusely apologizing in the process.  
His hand briefly touched the rifle’s end. It was still warm, but not nearly hot enough to light his cigarette. With mild disappointment he put it back into the pack.  
His eyes rested on the sand brown paper box in his hand, the memory of your annoyed eyes surfacing. “You’re dying, Ackermann.” You had said, spat out.  
His fingers closed around the pack and he looked up, eyes searching the horizon.  
The pack went back into the inner pocket of his jacket before he checked the ammunition and returned to walking up and down the damn brick wall.

His break came and went, the afternoon’s sun turned into evening clouds and eventually darkness wafted around him and swallowed everything below.  
Night shifts were the worst and easiest at the same time, for the titans only ever came close to the walls during daylight. Nobody had ever reported a night active one.  
The wind was a constant companion on the top of the wall, an everlasting sound of agony underlining every move. Wrapped in his jacket and an extra blanket his eyes stared out into the darkness. There was no sound besides the wind, and even that one seemed to quiet down. An uneasy feeling crept up to him. Something broke, down on the other side of the wall, causing the hairs on his neck to rise.  
Slowly, gun in his hand, he leaned forward, crawled over the broad top and stretched his head to take a glance down.  
There wasn’t much he could see, the lack of civilization painfully obvious once again.  
The silence pressed on his ears now, something definitely feeling off.  
By now even the Cadet’s had picked up something, they moved around with their candles. His breathing steadied as his hand reached back, patting for the emergency torchlight everyone carried.  
His senses were fully alert, something, something must be out there, he knew, he felt it.  
The torchlight clicked on and a bright circle of white light ripped through the night.  
Below him one of the house’s roofs collapsed fully. The light was reflected by several pairs of eyes, wolves, most likely, who scavenged in the remains and must have send the house into full ruins and now yipped for a comrade who seemingly had been buried.  
Levi leaned back, not entirely trusting the scene below him.  
But nothing more happened, the wind picked up the soft howling and the sense of danger passed.  
He stayed fully awake the rest of the night, always careful. When the person coming to relieve him arrived he wordlessly passed the blanket and got down, still with an uneasy feeling in his gut.

 

Days pass in which he hadn’t heard anything from neither you nor anyone he’d asked about you.  
The guy who told him first, Marco is the kid’s name, finally dropped another piece of useful information. Of course, it only confirmed what he already knew.  
“No, Sir, it wasn’t an official envelope.” The kid said, while his comrades trained in the background. “It... It was a pale one, and I think there was something stamped on it. A cross, like that of a hospital, but it was black ink, not red one. I’m sorry, I don’t remember more.” He looked apologetic and Levi waved him back to training.  
That it hadn’t been an official notice was obvious. The stamp however... His mind was circling around the somewhat familiar picture, but he couldn’t quite grasp it.  
He bumped into something. That something turned out to be human.  
“Sorry, my bad!” The reddish-haired human blurted out, corrected their glasses and bend down to pick up sheets with notes they had dropped.  
Levi’s attention shifted back to the symbol as he overheard someone calling out “Hanji!” behind him.

Lying down in bed was more a ritual to calm down than to actually sleep. As he lay in the dark room, night birds calling now and then, his eyes blankly stared at the ceiling.  
And then it appeared in front of his inner eye, from the depths of his mind, clear as day and exactly how the kid described it.  
He sat up in bed and stared out of the window where, far off in the distance, the first shimmer of a new day was brightening the sky.

 

“Thanks.” You said quietly as the guards watching over the entrance took a step aside.  
Looks could be deceiving but the official badge on your jacket and the note in your hand proved you were who you claimed to be and why you were here.  
The man with the unclean face nodded his head in the direction of the door just a few steps down a short hallway.  
After you checked the surroundings once more you opened it.  
Stale, warm air got blown into your face, carrying the scent of earth, metallic water and sickness.  
Below your feet the ground is hewn into steps, so many nobody counts them. They lead down, down into the earth below the surface.  
As the door closed behind you the Underground District welcomed you back with another gush of air and the dim light of many candles.


	3. The MPs and an Old Life

He sat in the mess hall long before anyone else, long before the bell rung and called for breakfast.  
A teapot kept him company; one hot cup followed the other while his thoughts still targeted the question of the destination of your unplanned journey.  
The sun reached its fingers through the windows, illuminating the dull room. The shadows were still lurking in corners yet untouched, but they began to lose ground. When Erwin stepped into a patch of sunlight, Levi looked up. The Commander must have slipped in through a side door, for the main double door opposite where Levi was sitting was still closed.  
The tall male came towards him, a file in his hand.  
“There is something the innovation department of the Military Police has come up with.” The blond said as he took a seat behind the large wooden table.  
Levi remained silent, occasionally taking a sip of his tea.  
Erwin slid the file over to him and pointed towards it. “I want you to take a look at this. The concept isn’t new but the old version was dropped before the final stage could be completed. This is from the time before we had exploding bullets that fit into our sniper rifles.”  
Intrigued, Levi set the cup aside and opened the file.  
There were sketches, proportional drawings and a lot of lists, numbers and calculations.  
After some digging the first real picture came into his fingers.  
Two metal boxes containing blades with a gas flask on top of each hung by the side of a soldier. The woman looked confident on the picture, saluting and wearing a strange looking uniform. A harness span over her whole body, securing the boxes and something he couldn’t really see on her backside. He dropped the picture.  
“They try to bring ODM-gear back? The MPs must have really lost their minds.” He scoffed, pushing the file back to Erwin who took it and put everything in order again.  
“Indeed. Since you are one of the few familiar with the concept of operating such an outdated utensil, I thought you might want to write a statement as to why the Wall Patrol Division will refuse to take up using the updated version of this.”  
His face left no clue as to what he thought about the old way of killing titans. Levi, on the other hand, narrowed his eyes at the file as if he was staring at an officer of the MP.  
“They can’t be serious. There are far less deaths since we use the special bullets in our guns. Returning to the ODM-gear would mean... A significant drop in survival rates. What are they trying to do, diminish the size of the people who defends the scumbag’s who can’t do shit even further?”  
Erwin leaned back, fingers interlaced.  
“You have to admit that the gear is a much faster way to move in the city.” He pointed out. “If I’m not mistaken it was also this gear which evened out your way leading up here.”  
Levi’s eyes shot over to the blond. As he spoke, his voice was surprisingly calm. “Guns are safer than this shit.”  
He abruptly got up as the first Cadets and Soldiers began to file in sitting down at the other tables.

 

The day didn’t get any better after two carriages rolled into the yard of the HQ, packed with shiny new ODM-gear. Apparently they couldn’t refuse to test these things.  
Levi watched with growing discomfort how excited the younger Cadets were to each get a harness of their own. They eyed the closed boxes containing the rest of the gear with great interest but luckily there were enough other soldiers to keep them from getting their hands on it.  
The first round of training began in the afternoon after a bald guy with a goatee revealed there were still giant wooden structures standing hidden behind HQ which were once used to test the balancing skills of Cadets in harnesses.  
The youngest went first, some failing, some succeeding in keeping upright. A shorter, blonde girl with ice blue eyes outshined the others in keeping completely calm and not even swinging in the ropes like another girl did for fun.  
With mixed feelings Levi accepted a harness that got handed to him from one of the boxes. The leather straps were firm, almost stiff, still smelling fresh. Memories of the time before taking up life as a soldier nagged his mind while he slipped into the too-familiar piece. The tightness was a new and an old, reassuring and caging feeling at the same time. Different to the lose freedom his legs had gotten used to over the past years, the straps winding around them now reminded him of what it used to feel like to fly through the air, race his friends and being always an arm’s length before his pursuers.  
He simply walked past the training structures, much to the amazement and wonder of the present Cadets. He found the complementary parts of gear to his harness in the first box he pried open, and his fingers did their work by themselves in putting everything in place. He knocked his knuckles against the gas tank to check how full it was, hearing a satisfyingly dull sound. Ready for takeoff.  
He shook the blades out of their compartments, not wanting the extra weight dragging him down on the first try but found them to weight almost nothing  
His fingers fiddled with the handles. The levers were easier to operate than the old ones, the metal all over was lighter and he suspected the reach of the grappling hooks had increased.  
The assumption proved correct when he fired them off, letting himself being pulled after them immediately. The ropes were longer and at the same time stronger than the old ones. Every thought was rinsed from his mind as he took to the sky, navigated between the barracks of the Patrol unit and then out into the calm city that was housing them. His fingers did the work, switching levers and pulling triggers while his body solely focused on experiencing the flight again.  
The wind rushed in his hair, the ground ever so slightly touching his feet as he took a risky jump and fired the hooks late. The chord yanked him forcefully upwards and he let gravity play as he did a back flip before changing direction rapidly. Eventually the wall is straight ahead. Without hesitation he leaned back before firing the hooks. They dug into the wall and he got pulled skywards.  
With an almost elegant roll forward he landed on his feet, the ground far below him. The wind was fresh and clean, his lungs sucked the air in with every breath. His heart was beating fast, not because of the exercise but the emotions he was experiencing. For the first time in years he felt a spark of happiness in his stomach.  
After two breaths a heavy cough shook and forced him to bend forward, the excitement and speed taking their toll on him. He managed to keep on his legs but still coughed up bright blood.

He took the slow way down the wall and returned to the training ground where everyone was standing and chatting. After the first Cadets spotted and pointed him out everyone else who was younger than 25 flocked to his position to ask questions, make compliments or simply voice their amazement. The older soldiers remained on their positions, most of them wondering in silence as to why and how one of their elite soldiers was so skilled.  
A harsh voice barked out a command and the young idiots scattered, eagerly returning to their training.  
“So, still got it.” Erwin remarked while leaning against the heap of transport boxes with his arms crossed and a poker face.  
Levi avoided the steel blue eyes as he unhinged the gear around his hips and placed it back into the box it came from.  
“Rifles and Guns still have an advantage over this.” He nudged the gear with his shoe. “They shouldn’t get too excited over this crap. They’ll die before they even try it out outside this yard.” His eyes were dark, nothing of the light-heartedness he felt on top of the wall remaining. These were still utensils used against the titans and, if the MP got their will, they would be used again. As freeing as it may seemed to skip through the streets, ODM-gear still posed a far greater threat to everyone using it instead of guns.  
Levi shrugged out of the harness, strangely missing the reassuring feeling the straps had given him as soon as he lost them.  
He left the training ground soon afterwards; his hands automatically reached for the small pack of cigarettes in his pocket and picked one out. Once again his lighter was too weak to produce a flame.  
He sighed and removed it from of his mouth into his fingers, studying the small piece. There were five left in the pack. As if to remind him of the sickening effect they had on him, another cough crept up his windpipe.  
He put the cigarette back and buried the pack deep in one of his pockets.

 

He stayed away from the training grounds the next days, just occasionally hearing one of the Cadets when they whizzed past the windows to his office a.k.a. room. He kept his mind occupied with writing down every argument against the use of ODM-gear, repeated himself and crossed certain things.  
After jotting down a list he began to write the report.

The outside world was dark and quiet when he leaned back, finally done. His hand was slightly cramping and some joints in his spine cracked when he stretched it.  
He reported back to Erwin the next morning, patiently waiting until the Commander had read the paper completely and placed it back down.  
“This should be sufficient. If the MPs insist on taking up the gear again they may do so but should exclude us. I assume you will want to take this into the city personally?”  
The bright eyes glinted, not causing Levi to lose his frown.  
“Your assumption is correct, Sir.” He simply said, voice as monotone as always. Admittedly, it wasn’t surprising Erwin had had the same thought as him; to use the paper as an excuse to go after you. You, the closest thing he’s had as a friend for months now.  
Erwin nodded and tugged the paper into a small glass roll. It sealed itself in before it got handed back to the author, who placed it inside his jacket.  
“You are dismissed, Captain. Good luck.” The neutral face made it impossible to tell for what exactly the Commander wished him luck.

He returned to his room to change only to find a peculiar wooden box sitting in front of his door. He stared at it and then up, checking if someone was around who might’ve brought it or at least witnessed the delivery but the corridor was deserted. He pressed his lips together and kicked the box through the door with a foot.  
His thought what could be in the box was probably correct, nonetheless he avoided opening it until he had changed into fresh clothes, packed his stuff and was standing by the door, halfway out already. With the bag slung over his shoulder he threw one last look at the unexpected present.  
“Oh fuck it.” The bag hit the floor and he crouched down.  
After a minute of tinkering the front opened, revealing a bundle of leather straps and metal. He sat back and sighed. 

 

The clouds were deep grey as he exited HQ. As he mounted a brown stallion the first drops began to fall, by the time he reached the train station he was soaked and the ground a single puddle of mud.  
The MPs stationed by the train wordlessly took his horse and handed him a ticket eastwards after he showed them the glass containing the report and a note from Erwin. He was relieved when he sat down and was able to get the duffel off his back.  
“Fucker.” He muttered under his breath, running a hand over the parts where the metal had dug into his flesh.  
The train jolted into movement soon afterwards, the old fashioned steam engine at the front spewing hot smoke. With every forceful loud ‘thump’ they gained speed until they raced out over open grounds, the rain running down in lines over the window.  
There was nobody else in this compartment so Levi stretched out over two seats and stored his bag on the opposite ones.  
The rain made it impossible to guess where they were and how long it’d still take until they arrived. The wet clothing stuck to his skin, uncomfortably cooling it. He shrugged the jacket and shirt off, shivering in the cold air for a moment before he pulled out a dry shirt from the bag. He settled back down into his seat after the other clothes had been hung up, even though he doubted they would as much as stop dripping before the final station came into close range.

 

The weather wasn’t any better in the capital, the clouds seemingly stretching over the entity of Wall Sina and Rose. The Soldiers all eyed him suspiciously since there hadn’t been an announcement of his visit, but they did let him pass after he stated his rank and name. He was lead into a dry room with a fireplace which seemed to be the front room for the actual office he had to hand the report in.  
They let him wait. His jacket was only slightly wet at the end of the arms anymore as the double door opened. Levi looked up from the position in front of the merrily burning fire, his eyes needing a moment to adjust to the darker surrounding after staring into the flames for such a long time.  
“Captain, Ackermann, Levi? You may enter.” Yelled a Cadet, taking his job far too seriously.  
“About bloody time.” He growled, picked up the jacket from its place in front of the fire and moved forward.

The person he was confronted with was surprisingly easy going and accepted his report after a short conversation. Without giving it a second glance the glass tube vanished in a cupboard under the desk  
“Captain Ackermann, I’ve heard good things from Commander Smith about you.” The higher ranking Officer said, fingers laced together. “I’ll read your report concerning the ODM-gear and then send for you. Please allow several days to pass; this is not the only matter I have to address.”  
It took everything in him not to throw a snarky comment at this bastard’s face. Instead he rose from the polished seat and saluted, even though it seemed overly praising for the promised work.  
“If I may ask, where are the quarters I should stay in for my time spent waiting?” At least his voice didn’t sound as sarcastic as it might have had.  
“Oh there is a Cadet who can show you. Ina!” The other called out. After a moment a tall, short-haired girl entered the room and saluted. A green unicorn badge was proudly displayed on her chest.  
“Yes Sir!”  
“Ina, direct the Captain to his quarters, please. And see to fulfil all the wishes the Captain may make.”  
Another short bark of “Sir, yes Sir!” and the girl turned around. Levi glanced back at the face of the official in front of him after getting up and noticed the hungry, prying look with which the older male stared at the Cadet. He pulled away his eyes only to notice the girl waiting for him throwing a flirtatious look back at the superior.  
It made him involuntarily gag.  
The Military Police was everything he despised. Corrupted, twisted with too many hungry for power and blind to the real threat, they made his skin crawl. The authorities had no sense of life on the wall, where the titans could attack any moment, no idea how it was to lose people to something far worse than illness or old age. They had no idea, he thought with his fists closed around his bag as he watched the girl in front leading him into a less fancy looking part of the building.  
She smiled a fake smile and pointed into a room to her right, staying in the door after he entered.  
“There will be a Soldier standing outside your door at all times, Sir, if you wish for anything just ring the bell or tell the person outside, yes, Sir?” It amazed him how she didn’t slip from all the slime her words were dripping.  
He didn’t pay the fake bitch any more attention and instead placed his belongings on the floor in front of the bare wooden table.  
After a moment he realized the girl was still standing in the door, waiting to get noticed.  
He walked over with a grave frown and took the door into his hand.  
“Dismissed.” He said, not attempting to hide the disgust in his voice and pulled the door shut in the Cadet’s face.  
A Soldier in front of his door at all times? They didn’t even seem to try to cover their mistrust in the Wall Patrol.  
“Fucking shitheads.”  
He opened his bag and untangled the mess that had become of his shirts, garments and leather straps.  
Minutes later he had slipped on the harness and gear as well as his jacket again. He was halfway through the room before he decided otherwise.  
The remaining clothes were neatly stacked in the cupboard, a pair of combat boots underneath it. He was sure the room would get searched once he took his leave into the city; leaving behind the sniper rifle and one of the close range guns was appalling to him but necessary. If he took it with him it might seem suspicious. A knife was securely strapped to his side, as well as the third gun to his back.  
There still was the guard just outside his door.  
If he left through that, they would know he left and would be able to monitor his every move. Was there a way to avoid that?  
A tree just outside his window caught his eye.  
He pulled the thick curtains almost close after stepping between them and the windows, opening the one closest to the wall. The ground was two stories below him but went without his notice as he carefully exited the room and turned around on the windowsill outside. The glass closed behind him but remained unlocked.  
Taking a calculating look and breathing in once more he stepped over the edge and almost immediately shot forward.

It was far too easy to find one of the staircases again; the two ordinary men standing guard before the entrance like a beacon to him.  
Two streets down he left the rooftops and walked the rest. They lifted their heads upon seeing him approach, gripped their weapons firmly but didn’t rise to their feet yet. He knew the drill; it was the same as on the other end. Always wait until the customer directly spoke to you.  
“I demand passage.” He said calmly and the men got on their feet.  
“Is that so.” One spat out chewing tobacco. “Well, what you got to offer?”  
He stared at them until they began to shift uncomfortably, then he turned so they could see the patch on his arm. The two men leaned forward to take a closer look, then took a step back and wrinkled their noses.  
“Alright alright, Soldier.” Tobacco emphasizes the last word. “What’s your name?”  
He reached inside a hole in the wall next to him and pulled out a book.  
“How about we forget the name,” Levi quietly said, pulling out a bunch of money. The guards ogled the money and were almost drooling. “-and you answer me a question?” He held out the money, cocking an eyebrow.  
“Alright.” The still chewing male agreed. Levi handed over a few notes, and then drew back.  
The men hungrily eyed the remains still in his hand, and the silent one nudged the other one with the end of his machine gun.  
“Was there notice of another soldier passing down? Same division as me.”  
Tobacco’s eyes nervously flickered over the list in his hand. “I’m afraid not, Sir Soldier. But there only is one other staircase open at the time, y’should ask them.”  
Levi handed the dirty men another note before he passed them and stepped into the shadows.  
Warm air hit him after he rounded a corner and the Underground had him back.  
Heavy tendrils seem to creep up his legs as he took step after step down, returning to the place he thought to have escaped at last.  
An eerie glow lay over the houses; countless candles lit to supply the light that otherwise would be missing.  
On his way down he kept lookout, eventually spotting the second staircase the guard must have meant. It was illuminated by torches, the rest of the cave’s walls lying in darkness.  
He skipped a few streets by using ODM-gear to reach the end of the other staircase faster. The people keeping watch jumped as he touched down in front of them.  
They got over the small shock rather quickly, but it took some more notes of money before they confirmed a female passenger in the second last week. It wasn’t much info but they also pointed him in the direction you had gone in and he wordlessly took off.

 

He felt like he lost his sense of time after a seemingly endless walk through the streets which he once knew by heart. Emotions changed rapidly inside of him; disgust about the shape everything was in, content about being back where he truly knew his surroundings, thought to be forgotten memories from Isabel and Farlan, days spent flying through the stale air making their business. The bittersweet memory of his friends stung.  
He passed through a market and scoffed at the price everything had. Even for someone from above ground the amounts of money requested were absurd.  
A ruckus on the opposite end sparked his attention.  
Instead of gawking at the two people fighting he observed the closest salespeople, the scheme familiar. They weren’t dumb, he gave them that, but the two guys stealing some fruit were slow, almost clumsy. Again, the memory of how smooth their jobs had been surfaced. He pushed it aside.  
Somebody shouted something about alarming the Military Police and he ducked away into a shady alley before anyone noticed.  
He found himself walking in circles, passed through the same streets again and again before he took a different turn at some point. MP presence down here was higher than in his time, but the pairs were always talking, drinking, gambling and hardly noticed anyone in particular. At first he stepped into alleys when Soldiers were heading his way, then he ducked into the shadows of front doors. Eventually he directly walked past a Soldier, only slightly angling his body to not make the patch on his jacket too obvious.  
It was to some degree alarming how much the inner brigade slacked off. Then again, they weren’t looking for him.

Medical supplement houses changed positions quickly down here, they always had and apparently that rule still applied. After he rounded some more corners he found the symbol he had been looking for; a hollow cross. It had been edged into a house’s wall next to the door, but someone had painted colour over it, trying to hide it. The hospital had shifted places. The people who occupied the house now couldn’t tell him where the previous owners were or where patients had gone off to.  
The streets took him deeper down, away from the close proximity of the stairs and further into misery. The streets got dirtier, the houses’ colours darker and the smell worse.  
Eventually it got too bad and he skipped through the streets with his gear, avoiding any more contact with the ground or reeking humans.  
As he stood over the slums of the Underground city he noticed an addition, a new part of town he hadn’t been able to see prior. It took him no time to reach it, his eyes searching the streets as he flew over them.  
A familiar face looked up to him, their eyes connecting for the fracture of a second.  
It was you.


	4. Not safe to talk here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for you, Shadow_Girl86, because you were the first one to remind to update this.  
> Thank you & I hope you enjoy
> 
> \-------

He momentarily lost focus and one of the hooks sprang away from a wall, forcing him to dodge a makeshift balcony and resulted in almost crash landing in the surprisingly dry street below.  
A breathed “Fuck!” escaped his lips.  
He turned mid air, avoided hitting the ground and went back up, balancing atop a house close to where he saw you. He frowned at the equipment around his hips, angrily muttering about the damn innovation-part of the MP not doing their work properly; The old ODM-gear had had the same flaw. After his breathing had calmed and fighting the thick feeling in his lungs, he was able to take in his surroundings again.  
Focusing on the rather busy street below, his eyes scanned the crowd. A second market had spread out here, prices slightly lower for everything but not many more goods available.  
His eyes frantically tried to find your face, the familiar silhouette of your body, but you had disappeared. It frustrated him to have been so close to you and yet still missed.  
Levi slid down a wall and stepped out on the open street, looking in the direction you had seemed to be going.  
Without much hope, he continued his walk in that direction.

 

The road split, other, smaller lanes lead into various directions and he felt clueless as to which one he should choose.  
He discovered that they still used gongs to indicate the hours of the day when one of them sounded one corner down.  
It rang six times. He took a break from walking and leaned against a wall, absently patting his jacket for his cigarettes. Then he remembered he had left them in the room with the MPs and silently cursed them.  
The part of the city he was in now was less busy than around the market, only now and then a person walked by fast, their face covered and every valuable possession pressed to their body.  
As he watched after a cat, which disappeared around a corner, something caught his eye. It was something so ordinary that it didn’t look misplaced, and yet it seemed to not belong here. It was a black tie, a hair tie, the same kind you had worn, if not in your hair then on your wrist or stuffed in a pocket somewhere. He picked it up and then looked down the narrow back lane the cat had gone into.  
There were only three doors leading into the surrounding houses before the backside of another house ended the passage. He caught the very tip of the cat’s tail vanishing in a hole next to the dead end.  
He went down the lane completely and checked each door for names or other signs but found none, not even scratching or other hints to who their owners were. Putting on his friendliest face he went up to the closest one, a deep red door, and knocked.  
Steps approached the door, a key painfullyslow turned in the lock and the door opened. To his disappointment it was an elderly lady blinking up to him from almost blind eyes.  
“Excuse me; have you seen a young woman around here?” He asked, rubbing his neck. He felt watched. “About this height, wearing black clothes...?”  
He stared into the milky eyes for a moment.  
“Hmm?” The old woman said, a slightly confused smile on her face. He was just about to repeat his question, feeling annoyance bubbling up when she opened her mouth.  
“Yes, yes, there is a nice young lady living next doors.” Her voice was weak, but her smile, now that she had been able to give what had been asked of her, turned warm. “Are you her promised one?” An almost mischievous look mixed into her face.  
He took a step back, bewildered from such a though. “No, I am not. Thank you... for your help.” He heard the woman snicker behind him as she closed her door. Old people.  
The neighbouring door was painted as well, dull orange and yellowish streaks running from top to bottom.  
He knocked again, hoping that this time-

You opened the door.  
For a second he simply stared at you, not fully grasping the picture displayed in front of him.  
You looked so different.  
A soft, pale cloth held back stray hairs from your face, a grey tunic hung loosely from your shoulders. Your skin glowed in the dingy surroundings, exposed by the large cut. The thing was so large it seemed to swallow you, and even though the sleeves were rolled up several times they lingered somewhere below your elbow; nobody would have suspected you of being something else than a small, fragile girl.  
It was like seeing a different person. The confident, careless posture you had always worn was gone, replaced by shyness and insecurity, eyes wide in the dim air and hands nervously clasping the sack of a tunic. He had to fight the urge to take a step back and suppressed the unsettling feeling in his chest.  
He opened his mouth but before he could say a word someone else came down to the door, prying over your back.  
“Who’s this.” Asked a sceptical voice. “You haven’t gotten yourself into trouble, did you?”  
He continued to hold your gaze, face unmoving.  
“No, I have no idea who this is.”  
He heard you speaking, but couldn’t- His eyebrows knit together and he drew a breath, meaning to say something but got cut off.  
“Sir, please leave. We don’t have anything to offer, nothing to give and did nothing wrong.” Your voice, it was your voice, it was you, it sounded wrong, it was wrong. Your eyes were dilated in the shadow of the hallway, he knew you had recognized him and still you refused to acknowledge him?  
His mouth was a hard line as he took a step back, then another before you closed the door.  
It was so much unlike him to let himself be shut off this easily, and still... Was his presence so unwelcome here? Who had been the person behind you? Maybe it was his clothing that had been too intimidating. Then again, why would you keep him away from people you knew? Didn’t they know what you were working as?  
His feet slowly took him back out of the tiny lane, back in the general direction of the market, away from the weird lady and the person who was you but wasn’t.  
For the first time he questioned his actions. He had to admit he hadn’t thought much about the fact that maybe you wanted to be left alone, that maybe you didn’t want him here, that maybe he should not have gotten so attached, dependant, even, to someone he had pushed his presence on.  
On the corner leading on to the market he stopped, leaned against the wall and crossed his arms. He felt strangely tired and blamed the lack of food and drink. He also wasn’t used to the dry air down here anymore; he felt his lungs craving for moisture and swallowed a cough. A glum feeling settled in his stomach, not connected to his hunger. The resentment you had shown, the utter denial of even knowing him... It was a harsh awakening of the wish he secretly had had; That maybe you did enjoy his company and not just tolerated him. Apparently he’d been wrong.

The market thinned out after a bell rang seven times, the last people bought things and wondered off, the salespeople collected their goods and closed down for the night.  
He heard the footsteps behind him and looked over his shoulder. Something churned in his gut as he recognized you, head hidden below the light scarf which had held back your hair previously.  
You looked nervous as you approached him, something so unusual it was only unsettling him further. His voice was sharp and bitter. “What-“  
“Come with me.” You interrupted him, keeping your hands to yourself and looking around, eyes wary and almost scared. “Not safe to talk here.”  
He wordlessly followed you over the now empty marketplace, down into a basement and up out on the other side, up a flight of stairs and over a small bridge connecting two houses. Finally you stopped in front of a low door and knocked. Nobody answered and you opened the blinds, entering into the room behind.  
Levi stepped in after you, his frown deepening by the minute now. After another quick glance outside you closed the makeshift door behind you, letting shadows swallow the space you were in now.  
He caught a whiff of your scent as you shuffled past him; curd soap and a hint of gunpowder. Dominating it all was the stale smell of this wretched place.  
A match burned and a candle got lit.

The flame danced across your features before you put it into a small lamp. The glass multiplied the light and scattered it, instantly brightening the whole room. It was only one room, he noticed, sleeping mats rolled in a corner, a small hearth with a bowl for water in another. The walls were naked except for a great fabric that took up one whole side and was a mixture of patterns, interlacing and overlapping.  
“Don’t worry, everything’s clean.” You said, back turned towards him. He looked at you for a moment longer and remained upright. He took a step forward, crossing his arms again, still feeling sick and at the same time burning curiosity mixed with frustration.  
As you turned around you involuntarily backed off since he had come surprisingly close. “Levi, what are you doing here?”  
He almost flinched. Never had you used his first name, only once after he had asked you to, and the soft tone of your voice was distracting. No sign of sarcasm, any mean or too-honest-statement.  
After channelling the inner roar of the fire that was frustration he pressed out: “The question is, what are you doing here?”  
He lifted an eyebrow ever so slightly, looking up and down your form, silently pointing out how much weaker you seemed.  
You lifted your chin and he saw a fragment of the old you, the one he had known, shimmer in your eyes.  
“Personal matters.” You said, crossing your arms now as well.  
“Why did you leave without a notice? Why did you pretend to not know me just now?” He felt the words, the want to know, threatening to burst through the floodgates and tried to compose himself. Nothing of his inner battle was displayed on his face as he spoke.  
“Well,” You stated, a somewhat distant look on your face. “If I recall correctly you weren’t too fond of our little talk back in your room. Also, I’m not obligated to tell anyone where I’m going.”  
“I’m your Captain.”  
It was a lame attempt to give him reason to ask besides just wanting, needing to know. One of your eyebrows rose.  
“Please, as if you never took action in matters only concerning yourself.” After another moment of silence and staring the stubborn look faded from your face, replaced with a tired expression and you took a seat on one of the cushions. Levi continued to glare down on you but felt the raging distress inside him subside.  
“I got a note from the hospital my mother was taken care of in. Her legs... Anyway, the hospital had been warned they had to relocate and couldn’t afford to take her with them. Since I’m one of their best paying customers they made the effort and sent a note telling me of their plans... And that they would shift her into my brother’s house. Step-brother.” You added. Eyes avoided his face and lips talked to your interlaced hands.  
“They also said she didn’t have much longer to live, so I decided to spend her last days with her. Not for me, but for her.” Your voice broke and you looked up at the opposite wall, still avoiding the piercing grey eyes.  
He exhaled loudly as he moved to sit down next to you, stretching his legs. His feet hurt a bit, but he brushed that off. The annoyance from earlier left a bitter taste in his mouth now that he saw your reason behind actions.  
“So, tell me.” You finally looked at him, eyes the slightest bit glazed and hands on your knees. “What brings humanities’ strongest to this godforsaken part of the world?”  
He stared past you before his eyes focused again.  
“I was looking for you.” The absurdity of the words dawned on him just after he had said them.  
A skeptical look flew over your face, but it evened out almost instantly.  
“I only knew where to look after this brat, Marco, told me he had seen a stamp on the envelope of the note you received. Didn’t you think you should tell at least one person before leaving?” He hadn’t meant to sound that harsh but was relieved to see you weren’t taking it too personal.  
“I did.” Something glistened in your eyes. “But I guess that someone didn’t feel the need to share this information. Besides, I’m replaceable. Some of the new cadets are already better than me now; Even if I wouldn’t come back it wouldn’t be that bad.” This selflessness didn’t surprise, but still annoyed him.  
You hugged your knees to your chest, taking up less than half the space as usual. He continued to look at you before asking another question.  
“Do you know when you’ll return?” Voice flat, eyes fixed on one of your ankles.  
“’When’?”  
The familiar sarcasm dripped into your voice, causing him to look up. A smirk played over your worn out face, eyebrows raised in a questioning look.  
“You’re still a soldier. You swore to serve until death.”  
What the fuck, he thought to himself. He hadn’t planned on turning this into a superior-minor talk. To his relieve you picked up the ridiculousness in this reminder.  
“Tch.” You said, mimicking his trademark expression while your smile broadening. “Well, if that is so I will probably return in a few weeks, Captain.” Emphasis was on the last word.  
You were back, the you he knew, not the frightening fragile version.  
“What’s with those clothes?” He gestured down your body, feeling the tension leaving the atmosphere and a sense of familiarity settling in.  
“What, I look good.” You stated, lifting your arms to show off the lose tunic. “I blend right into the simple folk. Nobody suspects me of being a soldier.”

He silently agreed. “You’re from here then?”  
You nodded once, a melancholic tinge entering your words. “You’re too, right?”  
His eyes flickered to yours, which watched him intently. He didn’t question how you had known, the obvious signs indicating he knew his way around downtown too prominent for someone like you to ignore. “Yes.”  
And that was it. You remained silent, didn’t ask about his past, content with knowing you had come from the same place and earned yourself a position somewhere else.

“Why are you wearing ODM-gear?” You pointed out after another moment of silence.  
“How do you know about the name?” He retorted, earning a frown from you.  
“I’m not blind. I saw you back when you were using it to steal goods from the sellers. The MPs constantly talked about it, I would have been an idiot not to know. Always wanted to join your little group but never got the chance to even get close...”  
The fact you had known him before he had even seen you for the first time was... interesting, to say the least.  
“It was always nice to see you three skipping through the air. Made me wish to be able to operate this stuff too.” Your hand hovered above the gas tank, a wishful smile gently turning the corner of your lips upward and he had to break eye contact.  
You reminded him too much of Isabel, after she had stumbled into his and Farlan’s place, asking them to let her join. Small, young Isabel, with tousled hair, calling him ‘Brother’ from the start on...  
He swallowed.  
In the distance a bell sounded a few times, sharper than the one used for the hours.

You had stood up and glanced out of the blinds.  
“They’re taking out the candles, you should return above ground. With your gear you should be able to make it to the stairs quickly.”  
He rose as well, joining you at the blinds. Without the thick soles of the combat boots you were actually a bit smaller than him. He hadn’t noticed until now.  
“I-“ He began, before his dry throat itched and caused a coughing fit. Steadying himself with a hand on the wall he cupped the other one over his mouth, trying his best to keep everything inside him. He tasted blood. Sharp pain erupted from his chest and he shut his eyes. In the next moment you were by his side, a small bowl filled with water in your hands.  
“Here.”  
He took it wordlessly and drank the cool liquid slowly, fighting down the urge to cough more each swig.  
After he had emptied the cup he felt his stomach protest. The feeling of hunger had successfully been suppressed the last hours but came back with full force now.  
He leaned his back against the wall, taking in flat breaths.  
Through hooded eyes he glanced over to you. A frown had found its way on your features, eyes taking in his current state before he closed his and coughed again.  
This time was worse, maybe because he drank something, maybe for reasons unknown, but the pain from between his ribs drowned out everything.

“Levi? Levi!”


	5. Escape

One hand over his mouth, he reached out with the other one as if to push you away. Instead, his fingers closed around your bare lower arm, anchoring him in the physical world. He missed the alarmed look on your face.  
His back slid down the wall and he didn’t object as you handed him a small wet cloth to cover his mouth and nose with.  
After a while the coughs lessened. He took a few shallow breaths, watching through half-closed eyes how you went around the room. Then you were back by his side with yet another bowl of water.  
You crouched next to him, waiting until he had finished.  
He met your criticizing eyes, frowning. In fake resignation, you drawled out a long sigh.  
“Fine, Ackermann. You’d be robbed and killed before you’d set foot on the steps. Guess you can stay the night.”  
He didn’t have to voice his approval of your decision for you to know he was appreciating it.

“I’m sorry it’s so... cramped. Especially since it’s only one room. But I’m sure we could use this as a partition, if you want...” You ran a hand over the piece of fabric on the wall while setting up water to boil on the hearth.  
“Do I look like I mind sleeping one night in the same room as one of my soldiers?” He scoffed. You shrugged the comment off.  
“Just wanted to make sure. One never knows with you.”  
“Tch.”

While you prepared the mats he went over to the boiling water and inspected the cooking utensils as well as the stored food. It wasn’t much but after a while he had cooked noodles and set up a stew.  
“You can cook.” You remarked, sounding mildly impressed.  
“What, didn’t think I could?” He sounded sarcastic now.  
“Only thing I ever saw you making was tea and a lot of steamed titan” You retarded, suppressing a smile after he rolled his eyes. The tension from earlier had completely subsided into an almost friendship like, relaxed state of mind, the kind you only had while you were alone with someone higher up and the sort that disappeared once the moment was over.

 

“This was quite delicious.” You admitted after finishing your serving and leaned back against the wall, hands folded over your belly.  
He grunted in response, feeling tired again but not as worn out as before. This time it was a more drowsy tiredness, making his head heavy and eyes droop.  
While pretending to rub his face he tried to get rid of the weights that pushed his eyelids down in rubbing them, but didn’t succeed.  
“This is your place.” You yawned and pointed over to where you had dragged the second mat. The tunic was too long to reveal anything as you stretched, so you were feeling at ease doing so.   
“Soap is over there, by the water.” You gestured in the direction before placing the dishes down next to the hearth and untying the cord around your middle. “Please don’t use too much, soap is rare these days.”  
“Thanks.” He mumbled as he passed you, already unbuttoning the shirt after having opened the harness.  
You froze in your place. Had he just said ‘thanks’?  
You shook your head; the sleepiness and troubles of this day must have taken their toll on him.  
After slipping out of it you folded your tunic and placed it down at the end of your mat. The long skirt stayed on, as well as the tank top. Despite the ever warm air down here the nights could get cold and the blankets were thin.

“Are you done soon?” You asked, annoyance mixing in your voice. Standing in the middle of the room with hands on your hips, you waited for the male to finish cleaning himself to put out the light.  
“Yes.”He answered, equally annoyed. He turned back with a towel in his hand, drying off his face and the droplets that had escaped on his chest.  
Seemingly unaware of the lack of clothing on his upper half again, you impatiently tapped your foot.  
He mumbled something inaudible as he passed you and sat down on his mat. You let out a breath and blew out the candle in the process, feeling warmth rise to your cheeks.  
It was ridiculous.   
After you crept back to your own mat you slipped below the thin blanket and tried to get rid of the half naked Captain in front of your inner eye.  
It wasn’t a bad view, not at all, but somewhat uncomfortable in your current position. Thinking too long about it wouldn’t do you any good, so you reminded yourself of your first encounter with the male. It did its trick and the flustering image disappeared.  
With another sigh you turned your back towards the room.  
Sleep came sooner than expected, and since you were facing the wall you failed to notice that the Captain had placed his head on his arms, looking in your direction before repositioning.  
He didn’t think he would sleep; after all, he hardly ever did more than a few hours, but tonight it was easy to sink into a light slumber.  
It didn’t keep the dreams away.

 

Something startled you in the early hours of the next day; the temperature in the room seemingly had dropped several degrees. After getting up from the mat you noticed the second one was abandoned and that the door leading outside had been opened. The constant trickle of water echoed through the enormous cave, hundreds of drops falling rhythmically. It had to storm on the surface to bring that much water down here.  
You slightly shivered in the thin dark top and hugged your arms close before exiting the room and looking for the black haired male.  
His gear had still been at the end of his mat so you were fairly certain he was somewhere close by.  
It indeed only took you a second to spot him after you went outside.  
He crouched on the small walkway that ran around the upper story of the house you were in, sheltered by the low hanging roof. His position seemed relaxed.  
It was too early to speak so you simply sat down next to him; only then did you notice his slightly deeper breathing and the unusually wide eyes. They stared straight ahead, not blinking.  
Your eyes fixed on his face, not leaving until he turned his head and looked at you. His lips were parted, looking like he had bit down on them hard. His eyes were somewhere else completely.  
“This place isn’t good.” You whispered and looked across the street to a darkened window. Somebody coughed behind it, then another sound followed. Grossed out you wrinkled your nose.  
You felt him still staring at you and turned back. His face, emotionless so often, had the slightest impression of pain etched around his eyes, breathing irregular and hands lying limp by his side.  
Leaning your back next to him to the wall, you continued to hold his gaze, unsure of what else to do.  
He tipped his head back and closed his eyes. The tense expression of suppressed agony washed over his face.  
It felt wrong to just sit next to him and not do something, but the situation felt dangerous. You knew the Captain was one to let out emotions through taking it out on others, and since you were the only one present you weren’t keen on having him express the experienced pain in either verbal or physical violence.  
There was a constant drizzle coming down from one corner of the roof and you first shifted your legs, then angled and eventually repositioned your body to get away from the stream. In doing so your hand, pressed to the floor to support weight, came in contact with the lifeless fingers of the Captain next to you.  
You shied away from the touch and he lifted his hand into his lap. The apology for touching him never got past your tongue as he turned his head away from you and in the opposite direction.

The sound of a horn wafted through the air, deep and rich.  
Torches were lit, and you counted three sets of stairs being opened for the week.  
It seemed to wake Levi from whatever dark place he had been in, and he stood up. The black shirt he was wearing was a bit too large and hung over the first third of his pants. You saw the powerful muscles in his legs flexing as he stretched before disappearing into the room.  
Regret filled you. You wanted to return above ground too, wanted to feel the wind and taste the scents it brought.  
The glum people surrounding you dragged you down.  
Funny enough the Underground City was actually a better place to live than the inner cities above.  
Everything was short on supply, drugs included. The MPs had a greater chance in seeing unusual smoke exiting roofs down here, every kitchen that manufactured illegal substances more easily spotted and busted. The streets were cleaner in most parts because everyone was prone to illnesses beside the lack of Vitamin D, which caused joints to weaken and legs to collapse. As safety measurement everyone did their best to not spread diseases.  
Still, work below ground was as rare as above, money short and people starving. Rich people only lived above ground, and if one didn’t find a way to become a soldier the chances of leaving the city behind were close to nonexistent.

You were still sitting in the same spot when Levi came back out, fully dressed and looking his usual self again.  
His hands grabbed the handles of the ODM-gear, fingers played with the buttons and levers.  
Something flickered over the usually stern face of the Captain.  
“See you, Ackermann.” Your voice wasn’t set, the situation not clear. Did he get over the short moment of weakness from earlier?  
He stared at you before his eyes flickered over to the stairs that were closest by.  
“Yeah, you should go.” You urged him on, playing over your insecurity while standing up.  
“Stay safe.” He said. His hand twitched and his body was tense before he turned around. With a whizzing sound he took off, leaving you behind.  
You continued to watch him until he was too small to see before going back inside the now empty room to change for the day.

 

There wasn’t much to do while you waited alongside your stepbrother, taking turns in sitting by the bed with the heavy breathing woman who was asleep most of the time. There were days on which she hardly woke up, only now and then to take a sip of water or soup but never getting actual food down.  
The constant waiting without knowing when it would end was gnawing on your nerves.  
Three days had passed since Levi’s visit, and her condition remained the same.

In a basket next to her bed were her stitching frame and fine yarn, which she used to make badges for soldier’s jackets.   
During one of your shifts in watching over her you picked up the frame, looking at the piece she had been making before falling heavily ill.  
The piece was almost finished but the design surprised you. Instead of roses for the Wall Patrol or a unicorn for the Military Police the patch showed two crossed wings, one light grey the other one dark blue.  
The background was clearly the shield of the soldiers, but these wings weren’t sported on any jackets. You looked into the basket. There was only one more finished patch, also two wings. The rest was pieces of yarn rolled together.  
Your position as a soldier had given her the opportunity to make a small living in making these patches, so the strange design had probably been authorised.   
“The wings of freedom.” A creaky voice said. Your view jumped from the fabric in your hand to her bed, seeing her eyes had opened.  
With two steps you were by her side.  
“So nice to see you.” She smiled, voice faint.  
“What are the wings of freedom? Why were you making these patches?”   
She smiled apologetically. “They didn’t tell me what they were for. They just gave me the design.” A wheezing sound came from her windpipe, and her old, wrinkled hand grabbed yours.  
“You have to return above ground while you still can.” The intensity of her voice surprised you, for she seemed hardly able to speak at all. Something shone in her eyes, something melancholic.  
“Waiting for me to die won’t do you good, I know that. I know you need the sky and the wind and the sun.” She continued after you helped her sit more upright and propped against pillows. “Say,” She said, leaning in close. “Do you soldiers have those guns that can fire without sound?”   
Shock washed over you in one big wave, pressing the air out of your lungs. “What?”  
You voice was almost inaudible.  
“My life is over.” Your mother said. “From now on I’m waiting for death. If we end it sooner we save food.” Her rationality irritated you.   
“But-“   
She placed a hand on yours, which still gripped the new patch.   
“Listen.” Her voice had won a new tone, urgency now spreading on her face. “Ed has gotten himself into trouble. I know that. I saw the people from the window.” You swallowed the question how she had gotten to the window and instead continued to hear her out. “I know they’ll kick him out soon, you know what would happen with me in that case. No, I want to get it over quick.” A tear escaped her eye, proof that her decision hadn’t been an easy one.  
A heavy lump seemed to press against the insides of your throat. Fingers felt unusually clumsy as you reached between your legs to where the secret holster of the gun was, the safest and most concealing spot to hide a weapon.  
The metal was warm as you handed it to her.  
“Keep those.” She said, closing your fingers around the patches. “Find out what they’re for, and always remember that you’re loved.” Her hand was shaking, now that the mouth of the gun neared her own.  
“How.” You pressed out. “How can I be if there is nobody around who loves me.” Your throat burned but there were no tears.  
Her smile was uncertain, threaded with fear. “It’s around you, you just have to look.”  
“Mom...”  
You couldn’t move as you watched her parting her lips, pushing the gun inside and-

Your eyes closed and your fingers cramped around the thick sheets.

“What the...”   
The voice of Ed came from the door. He didn’t drop the plate he held but was rather quick in setting it down before crouching next to her.  
He wasn’t as stupid as to call her name of feel her pulse, but saw the gun and figured who must have brought it.  
“You.” His mouth was an ugly grin, anger seeping through the facade that was his face. He stood up, towering above you. You took the gun back, reluctantly shoving it in its holster before wordlessly turning towards the door.  
“Hey, Slut, I’m talking to you!” He roared.  
A hand grabbed your shoulder, twisting you around. Before you could do anything his fist had connected with your face.  
Reaction was a reflex, a foot to his knee brought him down, a knee to his belly made him bend over. His face was on the same height as you hips now. Without hesitation your knee shot out again, making a crunching noise as it connected with his face.   
He fell over, coughed and spewed out blood.

Without another glance your feet carried you away from the scene, down the stairs, out the door.


	6. Back on the Wall

The way through the city to the place where you had hidden your clothes as well as the sniper rifle was a blur.

The beating of your heart was the loudest noise, drowning out everything else, stopped thinking.

The black clothes were welcoming, they made you feel safe and protected after you had shed the loose skirt and tunic. After lacing up the boots and giving the patches one last look you stuffed them into your pocket, slung the rifle over your back and hurried towards the closest staircase.

 

The people crowding the streets wordlessly parted to let you through, the hood shielded your face from their looks but you could hear the whispers after you had passed like an ominous shadow.  
The three men guarding the staircase stood up as you approached, flexing their necks.   
“Step aside.” You said calmly, while pointing the gun at the one who held a revolver in one and a small machine gun in the other. To underline your position you showed them the patch sewn to the side of your jacket as you passed, their faces an unhappy frown.

The countless steps until the ceiling of the cave closed in seemed endless, and yet you found yourself at their end almost immediately. The people at the upper door jumped up after you had stormed past them and gave up yelling after you as soon as you had rounded the next corner.  
There you stopped and looked up to the sky.  
An even layer of gray clouds hid the ever blue dome. A breeze went through the lane and you took a shaky breath.

You had left the underground behind you once more, this time without any bonds connecting you to the foul place.

 

The tears didn’t come until you got off the train back in Krelva and saw the horse you had come here on waiting in the stable for you.  
The large animal’s soft muzzle nudged your hand and face, the straw it stood in was clean and smelled fresh.  
You hid behind the door between the legs of the horse and stared at the opposite wall. Legs felt heavy. A single drop rolled down your cheek.

The contact between the two of you had been minimal after you had left to train in the academy. She had been a loving person, circumstances permitted, but in the recent years the partition had made you almost strangers.  
She had married again, taking in that scumbag Ed as a son, who had used the little money she had gotten to drink and gamble. The spot where his hand had hit you was tender, and one of your eyes was almost swollen shut. It didn’t hurt, not really.  
Physical pain was so much easier to deal with than emotional one.

After cleaning your nose you saddled the horse and headed back towards the HQ, the world around you passing by like in a bubble, darkening with every breath.

 

Levi sat on one of the lush couches in front of the now almost familiar fireplace.  
He had gotten back and without problems re-entered his room, only to immediately store the ODM-gear back into his bag.  
The trainee in front of his door had saluted as he had passed to search for the bathrooms.

Since his return he had spent hours waiting either in his room, the mess hall while drinking tea or in the library. Of course there was nothing really interesting here as the upper council had handpicked the displayed books and made sure nothing of it was forbidden or ‘prone to evoke upsetting behaviour’.  
Today there had been a messenger for him, calling him to the office.

His anger was steadily brooding as the minutes stretched into hours. Five days. Five fucking days had they kept him here now, without any hint as to how far his report had been pushed away. Being forced to share as much as the same air with this prestigious pretending asshats made him sneer. They all looked down on him, not only literally. Everyone was oh-so respectful in addressing him and pointing out his status again and again, but that was about it. They didn’t cover up their skeptical looks or lowered their voices when they thought he couldn’t hear them.  
His skin was crawling in his confinement.  
Dark rings circled his eyes which shot over as the door leading into the office was crooked open. He rose and waited with his arms crossed until another, obviously high ranked, soldier was escorted out the room by a Cadet he recognized to be Ina. Her shirt was roughly tugged into her pants under her jacket.  
His eyes went up and down her form and she stared back, blinking confidently.  
“You wanted to speak to me?” He turned towards the officer behind the desk who poured himself a drink.   
“Yes, Captain, do come inside and close the door. Take a seat.” The man said.  
Levi closed the doors but remained standing.  
His eyes shot daggers at the person occupying the chair behind the heavy desk.  
Thick fingers grabbed the glass containing the letter and waved it through the air.  
“Your statement was quite enjoyable to read. My answer is here,” The short sausages connected to his palms picked up a second glass from somewhere behind the table. “Bring it back to Erwin and then we’ll see further. Dismissed.”  
He extended his hand to take the phial but the man dropped it on the wooden surface.  
Levi blatantly stared in the watery eyes of the superior while he slowly picked the note up.  
He clenched his teeth as the fat pig leaned back and touched the tips of his fingers together, looking so full of himself in his too tight light green uniform.  
Unblinking, the black haired male briefly saluted before exiting the room without looking back.  
The doors remained wide open after he didn’t stop to close them.

 

He took his anger out on the horse they had given him and pushed the animal to its limits.  
They sped through the streets towards the train station, not paying attention to whose paths they crossed or if people had to jump out of the way.  
After Levi reined the horse to a halt in front of the wooden station the flanks of the animal heaved greatly and it had white foam around its muzzle.  
“Train heading out of here.” He spat out and slapped the ticket down in front of the young trainee. The girl carefully took the slip of paper and almost hesitantly stamped it before sliding it back and retracting her hands instantly.

“These fuckers!” He pressed out between closed teeth as he walked up the few steps to the platform. The train wasn’t here yet so he dumped his bag on the floor and eyed the bench suspiciously.  
“They know nothing of how to keep rooms clean and fresh, they have no moral standards and zero discipline regarding their idiotic relationships in the interior. All they care about is power, these filthy, unsatisfied, undeserving-“  
He shut his mouth when two other soldiers entered the platform. Instead, he settled to glare at the other people and kept on ranting in his head.

The two soldiers left the train earlier than him, at a station halfway between the city and the outer wall. They had worn MP patches, so he figured they were in charge of overlooking the people sentenced to community work on the fields.  
He had to admit that was the only good thing these shits had come up with.

 

Upon entering HQ that night he had to accept that the Commander wasn’t available yet, so he paced in his room for a good deal of the night to get rid of the excess energy in his legs.  
The next morning he strode directly into Erwin’s office, pushed the door open and remained on his position until the blond had waved the other people out.  
“I was in the middle of a briefing.” Erwin reminded him, throwing a pencil on the papers that littered the surface of his desk. “What did they say?”  
As an answer Levi placed the glass phial down hard in front of the Commander, crossing his arms immediately afterwards.   
“This asshole of a higher ranking horned peasant obviously didn’t want to converse with me directly about the answer he gave to my report.”  
“I see.” Erwin sighed.  
He opened the glass and fished the paper out. Straightening it, the intelligent eyes flew over the paper. Levi watched him closely; they reached the bottom of the page and went back up again, studying the paper a few more short times. Wordlessly, the Commander handed it over.  
There were only a few sentences hastily written down. After scanning them the Captain lowered the page.  
“Bullshit.”  
Erwin’s face showed signs he wasn’t pleased with the answer either.  
“Ever since the head of our division got thrown over after being declared corrupt the Military Police has had a great influence over us, but this is going too far.” The blond stood up and put on his jacket. “I’ll have to call the others in and debate how we proceed further.”  
“We should proceed in kicking their fat asses out of their comfy throne of power.” Levi muttered, earning a chiding look from his superior.

The meeting was boring, the others all had to get to know their situation first before they all spoke up about pros and cons in having the MPs as their sort of supervisors, if they should openly attack their position or how to prevent civil war between the two divisions.  
At some point a person named Hanji spoke up and offered to lay down arms for a month to let the MPs get a taste of what would happen if the valuable first line of defence decided to quit. After this proposal Levi left the office.  
He picked up his rifle from his room and went out towards the wall, observing the ground as the open elevator slowly transported him upwards.  
The soldier keeping watch closest by gave him a confused look.  
“Sir, we weren’t planning on changing-“  
“Dismissed.” He simply said and stepped close to the edge on the other side.   
“Yes Sir!” 

He watched the top of the wall out of the corners of his eyes.  
There was a small, entirely black clothed person sitting propped up against a cannon a good quarter down the wall. A feeling washed over him, relieving him of the frustration and pressure he had experienced since leaving HQ of the Military Police, something like familiarity.  
Satisfied in knowing you were up here again made it easier for him to let the annoying thoughts go and look beyond the wall once more.

 

Again you studied the patch between your fingers, the parting gift from your mother.  
The own supply of books this city’s HQ of the Wall Patrol had wasn’t large and didn’t surrender any usable information. You suspected the Commander might have some insight as to what the Wings of Freedom resembled and as to why they were stitched on a soldier’s patch, but you didn’t want to ask that openly just yet. As far as you knew, it could be a strategy by the MPs to test the loyalty of their obedient subjects of the Underground District, to filter out traitors and possible threats of soldiers who were too intelligent to be treated like dogs, or some else sick mind-playing thing.  
There was a dramatic lack of information here and you weren’t willing to risk your head just yet.  
“Having a new toy?”   
You glanced up from under your eyelashes and put your hand holding the patch back into your pocket.  
“None of your concerns, Ackermann.” When had he returned?

He looked down on you for a while longer, as if to check if the weak image you had portrayed underground was fully gone.  
“Some important info you wanna tell me? Otherwise you have an own part of the wall to guard.”  
One of his eyebrows twitched and your heart skipped a beat. There was always the looming threat of a punishment for one of those comments lacking respect and you knew sooner or later the day would come in which the Captain would lose his cool with you.  
The price of keeping up a tough image, you thought.

Instead of acting out any hideous scenes your brain came up with in such a dangerous situation the short male crouched down and stared at your face.  
“Who did this?” He asked, nodding his head towards the colourful bruise surrounding one of your eyes. The swelling had gone back a little by now, enough to let them have you return to Patrol duties, but the violet fading to yellow colour still remained.  
“Don’t worry about it.” You stated, turning towards the outside world to have him stop looking at your face.  
“Whatever.” He said and got up. After turning around he stopped. “Got fire?”  
“ _Fuck_ you.” The answer dripped disgust but you didn’t care. Cigarettes had bad filters, if any, and at the rate the Captain was consuming it was only a matter of time before his lungs gave up and rendered him useless to fight. How much longer he’d have to live afterwards was entirely unforeseeable, and still this jackass continued. Not to mention the pent-up feelings inside your chest since your return, your patience was awfully thin for everyone including the Captain.  
You felt his gaze, and it took a lot to not say more, but you stubbornly continued to look straight ahead.

To your surprise he let you have the last word and ventured over to his own part of the wall again.


	7. Tell me, Soldier

Being permitted to do Wall Patrol didn’t automatically include training as well. It took some more days of ‘resting’ for you before the chief of training allowed you to return; and when he did, you almost immediately jumped back into the ring.  
There was too much energy boiling under the surface alongside the grief you didn’t commit to just yet; and it gave you the power to defeat seven other soldiers and cadets before someone you hadn’t expected at all to join you. Your skin glistened, breathing was flat and you began to feel exhaustion closing in as Levi shimmied through the ropes surrounding the centre training ring. He looked as collected and grim as ever.

Something told you you wouldn’t be able to win against him but your body was more focused on getting all the energy inside out, overthrowing rational thoughts.  
Your opponent angled his body and took a fighting stance without raising his hands. Seeing that as an invitation, you charged.

Every hit you tried to land got deflected with ease. It wasn’t before your defence eventually started to slack that he began hitting back, only so much as to exhaust you further. You felt your actions to become more sluggish and collected strenght for one last blow.  
He grabbed your wrist before your fist could reach his face, his grip like iron. His face didn’t even show signs of struggle, although his breathing seemed to be slightly accelerated.  
For one moment you both stared in each other’s eyes, noses only centimetres apart. In that moment, you gave up. He turned, twisted your arm and flipped you over and your back connected with the mat. 

The world swam before your eyes, the fluorescent lights on the ceiling too bright and blocking everything else out. Every muscle in your body seemed exhausted, no energy left to even lift your pinky.  
Breathing was the one thing you could do.

You only noticed you were crying when you blinked and felt the wetness run down your cheeks in streams. In an attempt to hide the water that would not stop pouring out you managed to roll over on your belly and hid your face between your arms, hoping heavy breathing would conceal the sobs.  
The silence in the room was only broken by the buzzing of the lamps above but you still didn’t lift your head to check for anyone around. The lack of sounds strongly suggested they had all left.  
A hand briefly touched the small of your back before it tapped on your shoulder, the owner of said hand clearly uncertain about the placement.  
“...Stop.” A voice said. “-Please, stop.”

You didn’t need to look up to know it was his voice and that he was still there. You only pressed your forehead against your hands and tried to breathe in deeply. It was no use, the hot salt water kept coming.  
The sweat on your body began to cool it down and a shiver went down your spine. Something dry and almost warm was draped over your exposed back, a hand gently pressing it down.  
You closed your eyes and swallowed, licking salt from your lips and snuffled. Eventually you sat up. Keeping the towel around your shoulder your eyes met and quickly broke contact with Levi’s. He leaned against the pole opposite your position, arms crossed and brows knit.  
The feeling of being on display surrounded you and made it seem as if the looks he gave you were judging, disappointed in such a weak soldier, or simply weirdly satisfied with having broken you.  
Eyes pressed shut you pulled yourself up by the ropes and left the training ring to shower.

 

His eyes watched as your form left the room in the direction of the showers. What had happened earlier didn’t really surprise him; after all, you had seem tense the past days he had been able to observe you again. Something had happened in the Underground City, most likely connected to the black eye you were sporting these days. He doubted that the mere death of your mother would puzzle you that much; no, there had to be something else that occupied your thoughts. He wasn’t sure if it had to do with the small object he had seen you looking at.  
He turned and left to shower as well, scrubbing the grime and bacteria the training rooms held off of him. By chance he left the facility at the same time as you.  
He held the door open for you and you nervously glanced through swollen eyes at him before going through. 

Silently, with hands stuffed into their respective pockets, he walked besides you back to the barracks. Watching through the corner of his eye, he debated whether or not to ask now or at some later point. Better now, when the pain was still fresh. He knew how tormenting it was to relive such a pain again and again; if he could spare you from it, all the better.

“What happened.” He asked, eyes focused ahead on the surrounding, dark buildings. After a while without an answer he looked sideways. Your eyes seemed distant, face a mask. He went a few steps ahead and blocked your path. Only then you seemed to realize he was still there and looked into his face.  
“Please, Captain, let me pass.” There was the option of going around him but the chance you’d succeed in that was slim. You were too drained to put up a fight and simply stood there, eyes lowered and watching the ground before your feet.  
“Tell me, what happened?” His voice was pressing but it wasn’t stern and cold like when giving commands.  
You kept your silence and gently swayed back and forth on your spot until his right hand touched your shoulder. He let go almost immediately but it had the desired effect of waking you from the apathic state of mind. You looked up and met his eyes.  
They were unusually soft, you thought. Almost kind.

“My mother took her life.” Your voice was dry and emotionless. “She asked for my gun since she knew it had a silencer attached and...” You took a breath. “She couldn’t move from her bed, and I was sitting there, with her and then she just-“  
He didn’t question where you had kept a gun. His silence was welcoming you to continue.  
“It was rational.” You breathed, voice thick, and looked up towards the rooftops. “That way there wouldn’t be resources wasted on her. Her words, not mine.” Your voice broke and you closed your mouth. “My stepbrother ran in on the scene and wasn’t... I didn’t expect it to be...”  
Your eyes briefly met the Captain’s ones again.  
Even though he kept his distance and his face displayed the usual stern expression, his eyes hinted that he knew of your pain, had felt it before himself. You had to hold back to not seek physical comfort and instead hugged your arms to your body.  
He averted his eyes, relieving you of their stare. He didn’t hold you back as you stepped around him and hurried back towards your quarters. Running a hand over his face and through his hair he slowly turned towards the wall, his feet taking him up by themselves. He wasn’t wearing proper clothing for a nightshift but he released another soldier from their duty nonetheless. The silence and lack of people up here calmed his thoughts, quieting the question he hadn’t asked you yet.

 

The next morning he returned to his room to change and then headed for breakfast. There was no sign of you around the mess hall and for the time being he put off looking for you. Besides, Erwin wanted to talk to him about something anyway, so he pushed every thought concerning Cadets and whereabouts of people aside.

It wasn’t until the next day’s afternoon he crossed paths with you again. He was passing by the classroom’s used to teach basics to fresh Cadets when he heard sounds coming from one of them. It was rather late already so a potential class was ruled out as the source of this ruckus, but he didn’t really pay much thought to the squeals and sighs until he was on the same height as the door leading into the room and picked up his name.  
“Ooooh, Captain Levi is soo hoot!”  
He froze mid-walking.

“Yes, yes, but did you see how he could operate that gear?? I STILL don’t know where to even put these straps, do you think he’d show me if I’d ask him?” The bubbly, high-pitched voice turned thoughtful at the end, and a chorus of four or five other girls sighed.  
“Oh, what I’d do to get a private class with him...” “I knowww! He’s such a badass...” “I wish he’d notice me!”  
Several voices cried out “Notice me, Senpai!” at the same time.  
He stared at the door, his usual frown slipping. What the-  
“-fuck is going on here?” A door had opened, on the other side of the classroom, and your voice spoke the words he had silently thought. He couldn’t see you, there were no windows on this side and the door in front of him was still very much closed and potentially locked, but he could’ve sworn your face was a mixture of bewilderment, fear and doubtful annoyance.  
“Oh-oh...” Came a small voice, and another said, cracking with shyness: “Wh-what are you doing here, Lieutenant?”  
“I’m asking the questions here. What in sanity’s name is all this?” There was a short silence in which he could only guess you gestured around the room. It made him question the insides of said room only more.  
“Can’t you tell?” Another quiet voice perked up, a hint of pride in it. “It’s the weekly meeting of our fanclub!”  
“You’re sick.” Came the resolute voice of you, followed by ripping sounds and screams of protest.  
“You can’t do this, I worked so long on that picture!” “Don’t take that, that’s a hair from him!” “Don’t touch it, it has his fingerprints on it!” There were various other pleads made that got swallowed by the continuous sound of paper being plucked from walls and the wails of premature girls. He wanted to move on, just walk past, as he heard you bark out a command and the chickens inside calmed down.  
“Okay.” You sighed, sounding like you had just wrestled two of them down. “I admit, these are some pretty impressive drawings of Captain Ackermann-“ “Thank you Ma’am!” “-but are any of you aware he’s way too old for any of you? That he doesn’t want to hang around people who think he’s a god-like inhuman creature? Have any of you ever thought about the fact he’d be really grossed out by someone keeping hairs of his? Where did you even get these?”  
He had to admit he felt slight repulsion growing in his stomach.  
Silence from the other side of the door.  
Then-  
“I’m waiting?” Your voice had won an impatient tone.  
“We... Snuck into the showers...” "And plucked them from the drain..."  
By now you were probably pinching the bridge of your nose, he thought.  
“Listen.” That was your teacher or well-meaning friend who was completely done voice. “I’ll be taking this, and from now on you’ll focus your energy on your training. We won’t lose a word about this to anyone-“ Voice was stern now, but not harsh. “You’ll stop these... ‘Meetings’, and I’ll tell you how you can impress the Captain.” Excited whispering rose and he eyed the door with something like curiosity. “Do we have a Deal?”  
It wasn’t much of a question but the girls debated a little longer before agreeing.  
“Tell us how we can impress the Captain!” Shrieked one, while another wondered if it’d do the trick if they wore their shirts really low buttoned.  
“Come closer.” Your voice said, and he imagined you leaning forward. “If you really want to impress the Captain I’m afraid there’s only one, one single way to do it.”  
Anticipation rose under the listeners.  
“And it’s foolproof too. You just have to be very precise.” Everyone seemed to hold their breath.

“Learn to properly clean up and scrub everything until it looks like new.” Your voice had lost its friendly warmth and had returned to a slightly colder tone, but not quite on commanding level. “Cleaning duty for everyone, I want these classrooms sparkling until sundown. Off to work.” _That_ had been a command.  
He leaned back, almost pleased with your way of handling things and was ready to keep on walking when the door in front of him opened.  
For a second you stared into his eyes, arms full of paper.  
“Captain, Sir.”There was an edge of suppressed joy in your voice as you kicked the door close and he blamed that on the victory over the chickens.  
You briskly walked past him and he only nodded before finally moving from his spot.

 

 

“Why do you have a patch of the Survey Corps?” His voice was a hint sharper than usual as the Captain took a seat next to you on the wall once again.  
You threw a glance sideways and unwillingly closed your hand around the item you had quickly stuffed into your pocket upon his approach.  
“What are you talking about, Ackermann.”  
“The patch you have. What do you know about it?” He turned his head and stared at you.   
So he had information you could use?  
He extended a hand. Your eyes searched his face for any sign that could indicate his state of mood before you hesitantly pulled out your own hand and gave him the finished patch. The unfinished one was hidden in your room, alongside the yarn you’d need to finish it.  
“No doubt...” He muttered, studying both sides of the piece of fabric. “How did this get into your possession?” His eyes were piercing. Second thoughts about handing the valuable thing over this easily crossed your mind as you retreated behind defences.  
“Why would you care?” You asked. His frown deepened and his mouth turned into a tense line.  
“Answer me soldier, this is a command.”  
His words washed over you like an ice cold shower. You lifted your chin and held his gaze.  
“My Mother gave it to me before ending her life, Sir.” Voice steady and low, you answered. “She was assigned to fabricate these, as well as the other two kinds of patches there are, Sir.”

The words had a sour taste and your jaw was tense. Being a soldier included things you despised, namely being handled and forced to act like a dog. The fear of him adding bruises to the one you already carried was too large to attempt to cover the little information you had.  
You hoped Levi felt the dislike with which you stared at him now, that he knew how much you hated being commanded to do things.  
All plans to find out about the origin of the design in secret were blown away and you still weren’t sure concerning the outcome.  
Lips were pressed together as you continued to stare at your superior who had focused his eyes on something outside of your field of vision.  
It took another few heartbeats until Levi moved again and stood up. “Come with me.” He said, his voice as hard as before.  
Wordlessly you stood up and shouldered the rifle.

“Two of you, Wall Patrol, now.” You heard him bark at the soldiers who were in close range to the lower end of the elevator up. Small complains and curious mutters quickly died down as he led you towards the HQ.  
Your brain was trying to wrap itself around his recent actions and the bit of knowledge your mother had shared with you, trying to connect it and tracking down a reason.  
There had been no mention of a division like the ‘Survey Corps’, as Levi had called them, in the books you had searched, during training the name hadn’t fallen either nor during your time as a serving soldier up until now.  
There was no place for another division either; two branches of Military police behind the walls and one large division to patrol the walls. The only space left was...  
The outside world and the territory that had been lost to titans after the outer wall had been breached.  
But even if, even if these Survey Corps’s mission had been to move beyond the walls, that must have happened in a time before it had been forbidden to take actions that included even throwing rocks on the other side of the wall, Wall Maintenance excluded.  
Why was there no record, no information of any kind concerning these things? Levi seemed to know, and based on the fact he was leading the way into the direction of Commander Smith’s office he had to know as well.

“Stay here.” Levi commanded and you stopped dead in your tracks, right outside the door to Erwin’s office.  
You suppressed the sarcastic ‘Yes Sir!’ that was waiting on the tip of your tongue. Now wasn’t a good time to act up.  
The door opened to reveal a handful of high-ranking officials surrounding Erwin who was bend over the table and seemed to have been talking energetically. His face displayed a slightly annoyed expression as his eyes fell on Levi and then on the slender hand that showed the Commander the patch. One hand in your pocket, the other one on the string that kept the rifle on your back, you waited.  
The other present people all went quiet as an alarmed look washed over Erwin’s face. The blond seemed to think for a second, then his eyes fell on your still waiting person before meeting Levi’s again. The two exchanged a few words before your Captain came out again.  
He led you down the corridor, back towards his own quarters.

“Permission to speak, Sir?” You asked tight-lipped, somewhat hurt he had taken advantage of being your superior to make you tell something you’d rather have kept quiet over.  
The black haired male looked out of his room, up and down the hallway before retracting his head and turning the key in the lock.  
“Granted.”  
“Why am I being held here?” If you had been accused of withholding valuable information or treason he surely would have escorted you to one of the holding cells. This, however?  
“We’ll speak about that later. Tell me, where did you hide the second patch?”  
As you kept quiet he turned around and came close to you.  
“Tell me, soldier!”   
You told him. Afterwards he left to retrieve the object, locking you inside his room without further explanation. Completely frustrated by now you sat down on his chair and placed the rifle on his desk.

 

Minutes passed before there was another sound besides your beating heart and the creaking of the chair whenever you moved. You crept over to the door and pressed an ear against the wood. Muffled sounds came from the other side, apparently someone was having a physical fight.  
Then came two short, sharp sounds and you backed off. Those had been gunshots...  
Footsteps approached the door, fast.  
There was no time to hide before the door got kicked in and you faced a slender blonde woman holding a gun, silencer screwed to the front.

 

As Levi reached the room that you had been relocated to and were sharing with seven other comrades he found the door wide open, everything inside a mess and the place you had told him to look empty. He almost didn’t notice the two bodies which lay partly hidden below the beds and scattered papers.  
He turned on his heels and headed back to his own quarters at full speed, sliding round the corner and coming to a sudden stop in front of his door.  
The wood had splintered where the lock had been and all that had been left behind of you was your rifle. He slowly closed his eyes and his fist connected with the doorframe.  
“Fuck!”


	8. Taken

It was dark and you couldn’t open your eyes.

Fabric was draped tightly over them, a second cloth in your mouth hindering you to swallow properly. Every time your tongue touched it a small, disgusted shiver ran over your back.  
You effectively blocked the thoughts that mimicked Levi’s attitude and screamed about the state it was in.

The woman who had blindfolded and gagged you had done so in Levi’s room so you hadn’t had a chance to see what sort of vehicle they had dragged you into; the smell indicated wood, raw but oiled against wetness. The lack of springs against uneven ground confirmed a simple, closed twin-horse carriage. The restraints around your wrists painfully scratched your skin every time you moved. To your disapproval they had also bound your legs, making it near impossible to even change position. After a great deal of shuffling you managed so sit up, making the bumps on the road more bearable.  
As soon as you tilted in the direction in which you supposed the back door was a firm hand grabbed your upper arm.  
So you weren’t alone in here.

“Wer wi gon?” You tried to speak, but the gag made it difficult. Nobody answered you.

It kicked the gears in your brain into work. This was clearly kidnapping, but what for? The woman who had come to get you hadn’t worn a soldier’s jacket, no way to indicate her belonging.  
And still, something bugged your thoughts.  
After you had replayed the scene again and again you noticed what. Her clothes hadn’t been black as well as her face not familiar. The gun had clearly been that of a soldier, the holster... The holster had been at her side, hung from a web of leather straps. An ODM harness.  
MPs?

The carriage slowed down. Before it came to a full stop the cool mouth of a gun pressed itself against your temple. The wheels stopped spinning and feet crunched over the ground outside. Everything went quiet and you could make out voices, too muffled to understand.  
Footsteps approached the carriage and heavy fabric got slapped back. Fresh air blew in, bringing the scent of horses and wet earth. You remained calm, breathing shallow.  
After a moment the voice of an MP arose. “What’s behind that fabric?”  
“Some trainee had an accident with ODM, trust me, you don’t want to see.” The voice was cold and rough.  
“Mhm, too bad... Alright, pass.”  
No more questions? The ignorance of the highly valued Military Police was painfully obvious once again, but still, you could do little more than huff in annoyance. The gun pressed itself further into your hair but you knew they wouldn’t, couldn’t shoot you right now. The guards on watch would hear, protocol would force them to take action.  
The flap got closed, footsteps went back to the front and up on the carriage. Moments afterwards it moved forward again.  
There was only one gate through the wall, only one main road ahead for kilometres afterwards. It was, even if not good, paved; every other path wasn’t. You listened carefully if the sound the wheels made changed.  
They didn’t.  
They wouldn’t for a long time.

 

The hard ground and your cramped position did nothing good for your limbs and joints, but you only really felt the pain whenever you moved.

After some time you had found out there were two people accompanying you inside the vehicle, at least one of them a soldier. It had been obvious after on an especially bumpy part of the road you purposely had lost your balance and fallen against the shoulder of the person sitting next to you.  
Your cheek had scraped a familiar jacket with a sewn on patch, confirming it was indeed a soldier. A hand shoved you back up into sitting position. The suspicion that the female was with you couldn’t be proven, but you thought it likely. She couldn’t have stayed in the barracks nor hidden in the city, people were close with the Wall Patrol and shared the dislike towards MPs. Strangers weren’t uncommon but again few in count over the year, and anyone with a harness would have caused whispers. No, she had to be with you if she hadn’t fled over the wall via ODM gear.  
Sadly that was all the information you could gather in the confined space.  
The fact you, of all people, had been kidnapped was absurd. At the same time it was no question as to why you had been snatched.  
The two patches you had received from your mother must be the reason of all this, no doubt. Still, you didn’t feel fear. Curiosity got the better of you, the small hope of getting to know more about their design rising inside you.  
Your mind flew ahead of the slow horse-pulled wagon and wondered where they would take you.

  

“We have to leave now if we want to get on their trail before it gets cold.” His gaze burned itself into pale blue eyes, energy boiling below.  
“I agree. A squad of soldiers will go after them as soon as possible. However-“ Erwin added, holding back the short haired male who had already been halfway out the door. “Not you. I want to hear what you couldn’t tell me in the meeting earlier.”  
The commander’s voice was heavy, leaving out the mention of the patch Levi still had in his pocket.  
His jaw tensed before forcefully being relaxed again as he sat back down at the table.

Erwin turned to a short, blonde guy on his side. After receiving orders the male saluted eagerly and left the room.  
The tall Captain leaned forward in his seat.  
“The patch.” He only said.  
“I got it from her.” Fingers pulled it out of its hiding place. “She said her mother had given it to her without knowing exactly what it stood for.”  
Erwin took it from Levi’s hand and gave it another look, softly shaking his head. “You know what that means, don’t you? They will try to bring the Scouting legion back.”  
Something clicked in his head. “The ODM gear...”  
His hand, still on the table, balled into a fist. For a second his anger was so consuming he couldn’t speak.

Erwin placed the patch down and turned to one of the windows.  
“Makes sense now. It confirms the theory me and a handful of other Commanders have come up with over the last months – The size of the population has outgrown the capacity of the walls. They need a purge, otherwise what little of a supply system we build will collapse.”  
The weight of the words lasted on them, and both needed a moment to sort things out in their heads. The waves of emotions inside Levi smoothed out and made room for cold.  
A purge mission? A heavy claim, but logical. There was no better explanation for the recent events, the reintroduction to ODM gear, the surfacing of the fabric bearing the Wings of Freedom.  
“Why kidnap her.”  
Erwin looked over to where the Captain was sitting. “Hm?”  
“Why kidnap her?” His eyes moved over the wooden surface as if reading every thought he processed at the moment in the lines of the table. “When did she return from the vacation?”  
His eyes met Erwin’s.  
Instead of answering, the Commander followed his trail of thoughts. “Her mother made these patches. After being informed of her death the people in charge of ordering them must have asked for them; Maybe her step-brother told them she took them with her.”  
Levi’s eyes were blank, lost between thought and recalling memories.  
“When I met her she pretended not to know me, it’s unlikely her step-brother knew of her occupation as a soldier. I was there in uniform, the big shit must have seen the badge on my jacket. Maybe he remembered...”  
“...and told the officials. They’d only have to trace her way to the station before knowing which division she belongs to, they keep track of all their passengers.”  
“From there on it’s only a matter of time before they filtered her out from the other soldiers.” Levi leaned back.  
“It’s astonishing it took them so long.” Erwin remarked while running his hand over his lower face, the questioning look still present. “But still, this does not justify a kidnapping. Yes, she took government owned property, but it’d be sufficient to send an official notice and claim, an invitation to an audience to hand it back.”

Their voices died down and silence spread in the sparsely lit room. The sky was grey outside, diffuse light not strong enough to display shadows but enough so the torches didn’t have to be lit. A general gloomy feeling came with the watered down colours of everything outside.  
“Unless.” Levi broke the quiet air, eyes still trained on the wood. Erwin’s eyes glanced at him again, lighting up in recognition of what he meant.  
“Unless they couldn’t do that if the order for the patches wasn’t official itself, thus the whole operation went below the broader knowledge.”  
“Which makes sense.” Levi picked up where the other had stopped. “I doubt many remember the days of the Survey Corps, and less are willing to risk their lives to talk about them, but if the plan to revive them and start bringing people outside the wall again leaks there is bound to be an uproar among the people whose minds are clear enough for something like a protest. Keep it secret from almost everyone and there won’t be a mess you’d have to clean up afterwards.” He let go of a small knife he’d been toying with absently.  
“Only the highest ranking would know.” Erwin’s forehead furrowed. Then he suddenly looked up. “They’ll come here to investigate, the crime scene division of the MPs is already all over the place looking for clues. They’ll send someone to straighten the wrinkles that the attempt of keeping the operation secret caused. Who else knows about this?” He stepped closer to the still sitting Levi, his body underlining the urgency in his voice. Levi leaned away from the threatening stance his superior had.  
“She seemed very curious after I mentioned the Wings of Freedom, so I doubt she could gather useful information in the time she tried to. It’d have been among the first things she’d stumbled upon, and this sort of crap isn’t in approved books.”  
“Good.” Erwin backed off, hand on his face again. “Let’s hope it is that way.”

 

The air grew moist and colder with every mile you passed. Your still bound hands were clammy and the fabric in your mouth seemed to filter wetness from the air and your breath.  
It hadn’t felt like you had changed direction from the street leading towards Wall Sina but somewhere along the last hours it must have come to this. The generally wetter climate indicated close range to the swamps in the north-west of Wall Rose interior.

The trip was spent in silence, naturally, only sometimes metal clanked against the guns your guards wore. It made you miss your own, the familiar weight over your shoulders, on your back being replaced by aching joints and an uncomfortable position.  
You contemplated trying to kick a guard just to see what would happen when the wagon suddenly went off-track and rumbled over what felt like a spot of especially large rocks.  
One guard cursed under his breath, definitely male, and the second guard told him to shut up. The second voice was female and you suspected it belonged to your kidnapper.  
The wood below your butt creaked and cracked but held, and after an endless minute the carriage came to a halt. A pair of boots stood up from the coachman’s seat and down on the ground, your guards shuffled as they rose and opened the fabric that had hidden you from the Gate Patrol. Unsure of what to do you remained seated, although alert. A pair of heavy steps passed you, moments after a wet, cold wind busted into the compartment. You shivered.

The kidnapper pulled you up by one of your forearms and dragged you over to the edge.  
“Take her feet. We’ll carry her inside.”  
Her voice seemed calm, quiet, even bored, as if this whole business was terribly tiresome. You briefly wondered what had to happen to get her excited before strong hands grabbed your calves and lifted them. A sound of protest left the gag as your spine painfully scrubbed over the wooden end of what you had been sitting on. The pulling stopped.

“Come on, Annie, take her upper half.” His voice was as quiet as hers, but with more life in it. The way he spoke sounded almost like he felt bad for the rough treatment.  
“Stop using names, idiot.” Came her reply, after which she grabbed your arms and hoisted you up. Together they schlepped you over to a creaking door, where the smell of straw and hay was prominent. That only lasted so long until another door was being opened, similarly creaky but on a lower level.  
To your surprise the male holding your legs put them down and fiddled with the rope, Annie, who was holding your arms, doing the same with your wrists. Before you could do as much as shake your hands to get the blood flowing again you were pushed over the ground and slid down a ladder.

An “Oof” left your body as it collapsed on the floor, arms barely reaching out in time to lessen the impact on your face.  
Creaking sounded again before a lock fell in place. Something heavy, most likely bundles of straw, were pulled over your head and then two sets of boots walked away over the wooden plank flooring.  
You allowed yourself a moment of peace in which you simply marvelled at the fact how nice it was to lie on one side, curled up and with hands in front of your chest. After that you pulled off your gag and the blindfold. The first thing you saw where several slightly brighter cracks on the ceiling and a a dark, empty space around yourself.

Then the sparse light began to expand, tinting the room in various shades of dark grey and making you able to get a grasp of what you were held in.  
The ground was solid dirt, covered here and there by what was kept upstairs and had managed to sneak through the floor. The walls were made of stone, rough hewn and without any sort of plaster. A single piece of wood was fastened against the wall opposite the ladder, but nothing except cobwebs and dust had settled on it. Upon closer inspection the wall had several hooks drilled in below the empty shelf, but no tools hung from them. In a corner to your right was an opened bundle of straw, and it looked like someone had made a bed out of it. Mould covered the makeshift sleeping place and you turned away. One corner was hidden in shadows but there wasn’t more than a heavy barrel standing there. After a few attempts you resigned and decided not to move it just yet.  
After inspecting your cell you returned to the ladder and crept up. One of the steps creaked softly, making you freeze and hoping they didn’t hear you. All remained calm and you continued your way up until the trap door blocked your path. Straw peeked out from above and the suspicion that they had indeed dragged a large pile of it above the room to keep you inside proved correct.  
Bummed, you returned to the lower end without having tried to open the door.

Your eyes growing more and more accustomed to the new surroundings wasn’t helping your mood either; it just made it possible to see the details of this lousy place.  
Something small raced through your field of vision and disappeared behind the barrel. You convinced yourself it had been far too small for one of those nasty rats the Captain had ordered to kill everyone as you had taken an expedition into an old, long abandoned stronghold of the Wall Patrol once. Everyone who had brought back at least two tails had gotten a strip of meat at dinner.

The sweet memory made you momentarily forget about your place below the barn, surrounded by stone, earth and mice.  
It had been shortly after you had graduated and joined the Wall Patrol, and Levi had been an ever looming presence among the cadets, always watching, silently judging, throwing disapproving looks at everyone who spilled their drink or hadn’t cleaned their boots before entering the hall.  
The night of the arrival at the old, castle-like mansion had been amazing, something you wouldn’t forget easily. A fellow Cadet and you had teamed up to hunt down the rats, her coming from one of the villages far away from the cities and an expert at laying traps. In the end you and her had divided tails and both gotten your fair share of dried meat. It had been salty and difficult to bite, but together with bread and water, surrounded by people who would become your family now and in the yellow light of many candles it had been like a feast.  
An absent smile appeared on your face, the warm, fuzzy feeling of joy tingling in your limbs.

Pressure on your bladder and loud steps overhead shattered the lingering illusion and brought you back to reality. A low growl of your belly reminded you it had only been a memory and not actual food you had consumed just now.  
Someone argued upstairs.

Heavy footsteps stomped away, and the straw was pulled back, letting more light flood down. As the trapdoor opened you were blinded.  
Steps hurried down and back of the ladder, and before you could make out features on the broad face the door closed, leaving you in darkness once again. There was still a pulsing, bright yellow image burned on your eyes as you blinked and tried to see what had been brought to you.  
Annoyed, you rubbed at the ‘beautiful orbs’, as poets and shitty writers used to say. After another minute the shape of a plate took form, as well as the bread on top and the bottle to its side.  
Glad to have something to fill your belly with you dug in.

The bread was stale and dry, almost as if it had been kept here for exactly such a situation. The water had a mildly sour taste. It was far from enough to fully quench your hunger but enough so the uncomfortable churning stopped.  
You placed the bottle and plate on top of the shelf, even though you were fairly certain mice could run up the walls with ease. As you curled up on the ladder the first tinge of sadness resonated in your soul.  
What would happen if you never saw the Wall Patrol again?

A shiver shook your body at the thought of torture awaiting you. What did they intended to use you for? Why you? Replaceable, unimportant, mouse-like you? All because of two patches?  
A sigh escaped your lips, but your eyes stayed dry. It wasn’t over yet, maybe someone would come to rescue you.  
Or maybe not...  
Before your thoughts dragged you down even further you went up and banged your fist against the door, your bladder demanding attention again.  
“Hey,” You called out, not even sure if someone was listening. “Do you have a toilet ‘round here? I really need to, you know, ...” Silence.  
Then- Footsteps.  
“Stand clear of the door, or I’ll have to knock you out.” Warned the calm voice of the male guard.  
You got down from the ladder reluctantly. The door opened and something was tossed in. In the few moments in which you could peer out you saw a small patch of orange and golden sky, before a dull brown thing came after the bucket and your way out was blocked again.

After relieving yourself and placing the bucket in the far off corner to the barrel you inspected the second gift. It turned out to be a relatively fresh ball of hay.  
It still carried the scent of summer and warm nights as you picked the top apart to make it fluffy. Shadows around you began to grow rapidly as the sun sank lower outside. Back against, but not quiet touching, the wall you rolled in on top of the bundle and stared into the darkness with open eyes, as if waiting for a familiar sound.  
You could almost hear the Captain’s voice, rambling and being sarcastic as fuck. 'What, being sentimental now? Pff, what are you, a soldier or a child? Grow up, brat.'

The knowledge that Levi would continue to march around Headquarters, scowling and chiding everyone who dared make his home dirty was a reassuring thought and helped you ease into a light slumber.


	9. Lost

Heart pounding and breathing flat you sat up in the grey hours before dawn, the feeling of being chased only fading after you came to full consciousness. It was fresh in the cellar around you, but the straw upstairs managed to keep the cold, wet air out at most.  
The hours until sunrise were spent curled up tight on the piece of hay, shivering and unsure about what awaited you in the new day.

 

Far away the squad that had been assigned to follow your tracks reported back to their superiors, heads hanging low and their mood miserable.  
They’d lost your traces in a meadow, one of them told Erwin, while Levi was leaning on the windowsill and staring out into the night.

“I’m very sorry, but there weren’t any signs as to where they could have gone off to... No campfire either. We did search the woods but couldn’t find any houses.”  
“Did you ride over the swamps?” Levi remarked, startling the young soldiers currently present.  
“Sir, the path was too muddy to drive over with a wagon of that size and with three people on board, potentially food and other goods as well. There were no signs they were even near the area; for all we know they could have driven in the different direction!” Frustration and hurt wound themselves into the person’s voice. Just now Levi recognized it; it belonged to the freckled kid, Marco.  
He turned around, arms crossed and watching the small squad closely. All of their boots were squeaky clean. He caught Freckles’ eyes and the boy hastily looked back down on his folded hands.  
“With you approval, Commander, I would lead another scouting party and look for her.” His eyes glistened as he tried to coat the dismal of failing with bravery and ambition.  
“No, Bodt, you won’t have to. At least not today.”  
“But, Sir!-“   
“No.” Erwin said firmly, leaving no room for discussion. “You all did well. These people were no ordinary kidnappers, they know what they’re doing and it’s not surprising you didn’t find them today. Now go and rest, so we can start fresh in the morning.”

Without another word the squad left the room, a guy with blonde top hair closing the door after them.  
Levi ignored the sharp pain between his lungs, the petrifying fear of losing another person he’d grown to li- accept. Accept in his company.  
He shared the frustration the kids had brought back.

 

They continued to hang their heads at a late dinner. The chatter in the dining hall was more upset than usual, enragement and confusion mixing in the general talks. The events were talked about in smaller groups; occasionally one person switched tables and opinions were shared.  
Levi caught a few words from a table that was deeply upset by the Military Police’s presence and the prestigious behaviour they put on, being very insensitive towards the roommates of the people who had been killed during the kidnapping. It satisfied him to hear how they connected and grew closer, swearing they would keep their feet on the ground and call everyone out who had an MP-worthy attire.  
The only people who weren’t merrily chatting were the Squad around Freckles, who sat apart from the others at a table and picked at his serving of food. Levi observed how the guy with the blond top hair and a darker undercut flopped down on the bench next to the sulking kid. The attempts at conversation were met with a blank expression before Freckles turned away and gestured to leave him alone. Seemingly offended and a bit hurt Blondie stood up and left for a different table.  
Levi took a sip of his water.

Freckles pushed away his plate of food and rubbed a hand over his face. A red haired girl snuck up to him and leaned over his shoulder, a hand pointing at the barely touched food. She sat down next to him and began wolfing down the left-overs, talking to her neighbour. He watched her with mild interest, thoughts very apparent somewhere else until his head snapped around.  
They sat too far away for Levi to hear and he could only guess what she had just said. By the speed she had consumed everything on the platter she must be Sasha Blouse. He had heard about an incident during her time at the academy, something with a potato and inappropriate timing. He also recalled to have sentenced her to extra laps during training after she had been found guilty of stealing food.   
Another fork full of salad reached his mouth and he continued to watch the table in the back while chewing carefully.  
Freckles had scooted closer to Hungry, now completely focused on her. She gave him a side-eyed look before scraping the remains off the plate and continued talking. Freckles seemed mildly shocked but intrigued.  
Levi imagined she was lecturing him about something gross they had had wherever she came from. It was amusing to imagine Freckles being so awestruck about something he would probably shoot if he ever got to know it in real life.  
He huffed out a breath before taking a sip of water which resulted in an air bubble bursting in his cup. A bit of water sprayed in his nostrils and the snorted it out after setting down the container.  
He felt Erwin’s gaze shifting and focusing on him.  
After a moment the Commander looked away and Levi continued to eat while silently yelling at his superior to not stare at him so dumbfounded. 

 

Sleep was as much out of reach as the sun that night. He had been given a different room while the MPs snuffed around his old one, examined everything and tried to connect pieces that would never make sense. This one was feeling even less than an actual resting place than the other one had, so Levi didn’t bother to return to it after dinner and a short meeting. Instead, his feet carried him into the library where he lit a candle and went along the lines of bookshelves, trying to find something to keep his mind busy.  
As he had collected a number of vaguely interesting titles he turned his way to the small tables at one side of the spacious rooms. To his surprise he saw another candle flickering through the shelves before he rounded the last corner and saw a person slumped over on one of the chairs.

He set his own candle on a different spot and sat down, piercing the other present person with looks as if to say ‘Go away, it was my idea to come here’.  
Halfway through the introduction to a book about how to use roots efficiently against several illnesses the silent companion stirred and lifted his head. Levi watched through the corners of his eyes how the male peeled his face off the book he had slept on and stretched before his shoulders slumped down again. The person looked over and Levi hurried back to reading the words printed on the page before him.

“Sir.” The person acknowledged him, voice raspy. He looked over again, this time completely turning his head. Freckles stared into the flame in front of him.  
He didn’t bother with a reply.  
“Sir, I’d like to apologize for not being able to find her.” Levi’s eyes flickered back. The guy looked miserable. “Maybe if we had been faster we could have caught sight of them or...” His voice got lost.  
“Don’t work yourself up about it.” His eyes went back to scanning the page. “Like the Commander said, we’ll get another chance tomorrow when we’re all rested and... that.”

Freckles kept quiet for a while before speaking up. As he opened his mouth Levi rolled his eyes and took a breath himself, ready to shut the annoying brat up.  
“Sorry if I’m nosy, Sir, but I believe you and her have been close?”

The air left his body rather quick. His mouth turned into a hard line. His mind jumped back to the day he had discovered you had family in the underground. ‘Close’ wasn’t the correct word to describe the relationship between the two of you. It was more like - Mutual respect. And the fact that you could clap back at all the crap he called you. It was much easier to pretend to be alright around you than any other understanding, caring, interested feel-y idiot who consoled him and was carefully tiptoeing around the deaths of his friends. You didn’t ask questions, you just roasted him with looks every time he nudged you to light a cigarette. You just discreetly called him out on his shitty temper and didn’t bother being called names. You just accepted his company without expectations and let him be. He just enjoyed your company a lot more than everyone else’s.  
“Sort of.” He answered the waiting kid while flipping a page.

“She never said anything bad about you.” Freckles had returned to his trying to drown the candle in front of him with sad looks. “I always admired her.”  
He added, somewhat sheepish before his face turned serious again. “But now...”  
The boy placed his head on his crossed arms, eyes fixed on the flickering light. “Don’t you want to find her? It sounded like you were quite fond of her.”  
Levi’s brows drew closer at once.  
“Who said that?” Sarcasm coated the mild interest.  
“Everyone.” Came the answer prompt, somewhat surprised. “I thought you knew, Captain.”  
He didn’t comment on that while fighting down his urge to corner the brat at gunpoint and ask him what the fuck everyone else knew, too. As the other drew another breath he almost turned around to tell him to shut the up.

“You know, to me, it always looked like she was a bit intimidated by you. Made me wonder why she stuck around you so often. No offense.”   
The hairs on his neck rose and he stared straight ahead. With a groan Freckles lifted himself and picked up book and candle.  
“Anyway, I wish you a good night, Sir.” He waited for a few moments, but as nothing came back from his superior he left him behind. His footsteps faded and silence surrounded Levi in his chair.  
He leaned back, the book about roots completely forgotten.

Granted, the kid talked too much and nothing really important enough but the last sentence had left a dent. Usually he wouldn’t have given it much thought, but he remembered how you had flinched and turned cold after he had commanded you to show him the patch. Other, minor memories of such incidents surfaced, adding up to a pile of hints he hadn’t paid much attention to in the moment but now connected.  
His fingers flexed around his thumb while he was lost in thought.  
Could it be? Could it be that Freckles was right and he was... intimidating you? All the time he had thought you tolerated him, seen as an equal, even? From this new perspective it looked like he had pushed his presence on to you, invaded your life and forcefully made himself at home, all the while not paying attention to your true feelings.  
He stood up and kicked the chair back. The candle’s light flickered and died as he hurried back out, left the building and crossed the yard towards the training facility.

A punching bag had to endure his hits and kicks, born from frustration and confusion. It was new for him to experience something like uncertainty concerning you; it discouraged him he could possibly have ignored such important and obvious details. Something he thought of as stable and reliant gave way under the pressure of his thoughts and burst into sand that ran through his fingers whenever he tried to hold on.  
At some point he collapsed on a thick mat in a corner, bandaged hands being bloody by the knuckles, dark hair sticking to his forehead and stared up at the ceiling.   
For a while he just lay there, listening to his own heartbeat calming down and following pipes that ran across the ceiling with his eyes.

He knew he couldn’t rest until he was clean so he rose, stumbled over to the showers and let the scolding hot water surround him. It stung on his knuckles and ran down his pale limbs. His hands touched his sides, scarred from his life underground and too many fights. He briefly rubbed over them before turning off the water and drying off.  
The memory of you silently joining him during the waking hours of that day in the Underground came back, the concern that had been in your eyes searing hot. He shifted, uncomfortable by the thought. He forcefully cleared his head of everything and sighed.  
His limbs grew heavy as a wave of exhaustion crashed over him and he didn’t make it further than the same, dirty training mat.  
What was happening, he thought to himself as he curled up.

 

Rolled up in the cold you waited for your kidnappers to return, also thinking of nothing.  
The sounds of a galloping horse made your eyes focus again. You lifted your head. Something was up and about outside. Rising from the warm spot you crept up the ladder and pressed your ear against a crack.  
“Bert, stay here, this is more important than feeding that girl.” That was the woman’s voice, Annie.  
“You surely can tell them the news without me?” The second person, Bert, spoke, seemingly addressing a different person before turning back to Annie. “It is important to keep her alive and in relatively good shape. It’s no use when she dies and we can’t use her anymore.”  
“I’ll wait with the message until you’re back.” Came the third voice, muffled and difficult to understand since it was significantly lower than the other ones. A door was being pushed open, creaking horribly in the process.  
You hurried back down the steps and on the hay, which had sadly grown cold.  
“Take a step back or I’ll have to make.” Sounded Bert’s voice. You didn’t move.  
The trapdoor opened and an apple came flying down. It bounced off the ground once and then stilled in a small heap of straw. A pear followed before the door was closed again and steps hastily left, not before dragging the straw back atop the floor. You picked the fruit up and polished it on your shirt before placing it on your sleeping spot and climbed the ladder to eavesdrop some more.  
A horse neighed, a second one answering. The stranger with a message must have come with it.  
Their voices moved further away from the barn, making it impossible to hear more.  
Munching on the sparse breakfast wasn’t that bad, though.

This time they bound your hands in the front and didn’t gag you, for what you were grateful. After being led up the ladder they blindfolded you again, and after you had been placed on the wagon they fixed your legs. The carriage jolted into movement, over the uneven floor of the forest around you and out into another grey, of rain smelling day.  
It picked up speed shortly after the many birds singing in the trees had gone quiet, most likely because you had reached open ground, maybe even a paved road.

The noise of the wheels was loud, so loud it dulled your thoughts. After recapturing shortly what you knew you settled down on your spot against the side and thought about what to do next. With the turns in the region surrounding the barn and without eyesight you could only guess they would take you further north.  
What was in the north? Not many people lived there; it was safer than the south but the winters were long, harsh and the ground not very fertile. Villages beside the one at the wall were almost nonexistent as far as you knew. Sure, the empty lands would make a good holding place for someone kidnapped, but there wasn’t much else. Strangers would cause a major disturbance from the slow paced life in the sparse villages and somebody who might’ve asked for them would surely get a satisfying answer.  
It didn’t seem like a wise move.  
Deciding to risk a question you opened your mouth.  
“Are you taking me further north?”  
No answer. Of course. After another moment of waiting you tried again.  
“Why did you kidnap me and didn’t kill right away? Assuming it was because of that patch you took off me.”  
Silence, only broken by the sound of wheels clattering on the ground below.  
Before you could talk for the third time the deep voice of Bert sounded to your right. “Shut up.”  
“I told you we should have silenced her.” Came the stretched voice of Annie, across from where you were sitting.  
Bert only grunted and shuffled on his spot.  
“Do you even know about the patch? What it means?” Your last try was met with a sigh before the handle of a gun connected with your head and knocked you unconscious.


	10. The talk in the library

Cold water splashed on your face and instantly woke you up.

You gasped and struggled against your restrains to wipe the liquid off that was so cold it burned. Your eyes stung and vision was blurry.  
“Hey. You awake, yeah?”  
Your head pulsated with every heartbeat, a searing pain in the area the hit had been placed.  
“Where am I...” Were your first words, slurred and low.  
Shadows moved along the walls, just outside of the circle of light. Steps came closer and went further away, constantly, like echoes, multiplying and overlapping until it was one distant noise in the background, underlining everything and still droning out everything else all the while-  
“Hey!”

A flat hand connected with your cheek.  
It stopped the thoughts processing momentarily and you lifted your head in search for the owner of the voice.  
“I asked you a question!”  
What?  
A sigh. “I asked you if your head wound needs medical attention?”  
What the...? Why would anyone...  
“I’m afraid we need you in good shape.”  
Could they read your mind?  
“No, but you’re talking out loud. Are you not aware of that?”  
You retorted to blinking around and searching for someone to look at, but the bright light overhead made it impossible to see outside the circle it cast down.  
“She’s fine. Get her to her cell.” The voice from before said to one of the shadows. It moved forward, closed in on the light and before a bag was pulled over your head you thought you saw a familiar shade of blond hair.

There was a great deal of shuffling; you got pulled up and were forced to walk next to someone but the pace was durable and you only stumbled three times.  
The hand firmly closed around your upper arm eventually let go before gently pushing your standing form forward, cutting your ties. After two hesitant steps something behind you moved and a door clicked shut.  
An agonizingly long minute you stood still, frozen in place, waiting if something would happen, before you dared to take off the dark fabric.  
After some time blinking, squinting and shielding your eyes the room you were in took suspiciously nice shape.

Wooden floors, walls and ceiling, of a nice, honey colour. Golden sunlight shone through a window, interrupted by metal bars in front of it. The light touched a bed covered in a patchwork blanket and fell on a simple desk with a chair in front of it.  
A door to the side led into a minimalistic bathroom.  
You inspected the room with your back pressed against the walls; ready to take action should something jump out from somewhere, but all remained calm.  
What on earth was going on here?

Through the window you could observe the sun lowering and eventually disappearing behind the horizon. No wall was in sight and a strange feeling of freedom filled you even though you were imprisoned here.

 

You were wedged between the bed and an empty cupboard, sitting on the floor with your arms around your legs when someone knocked on the door. Instead of answering in any way you ducked lower behind the bed and glanced over to the door. There was a hatch in it, just above ground level, that you hadn’t noticed earlier.  
Now it got opened and a tray with food got pushed through.  
It closed again afterwards but you waited until footsteps had moved away from the heavy door before you craned your neck to see what was on the tray.  
An apple next to a plate with what seemed like bread covered in deep red substance was accompanied by an empty, turned over glass.  
You drew back into your cramped position until the room began to grow dark around you.  
You’d have liked to stay there more, it felt safe in this weirdly friendly looking room, but the floor did nothing good to your butt and back. They ached the moment you shifted weight.

The considerable bump on your head was still painfully throbbing but you refused to lie down in the bed. Instead, you wrapped the blanket around yourself and curled up below the piece of furniture and waited, eyes trained on the opposite wall and ears sharp for any sound.  
At some point the fatigue must’ve gotten the better of you. When heavy footsteps entered the room your eyes shot open, even though you could have sworn you hadn’t closed them that long.  
You pressed your back against the wall and held your breath as a pair of polished shoes entered the room, vanished in the bathroom and got out again. A second pair, smaller and less clean, joined the other one.  
“She’s still here, probably. Doubt she’s that good at escaping... Anyway, our spotters have reported. He’s on the way. You should go and prepare everything.”  
“Yeah, you’re right... Meet me in the study room later?”  
“Sure. Go now.”  
After another few heartbeats the second pair of shoes left as well.  
The diffuse, grey light of dawn filled the room and you drifted back into slumber.

The owners of the squeaky clean shoes and spotty trainers had taken the untouched tray of food with them but left the glass on the table.  
After filling it with water from the sink you gave it a sniff. It had no particular smell, like water should have, but you knew there were parts inside the walls were water wasn’t drinkable straight from the faucet - if that worked. On the other hand, they wouldn’t have given you just a glass if the water was not good for consummation.  
As the liquid pooled into your belly the feeling of hunger came back and you mildly regretted not eating the food.  
You sat down in the same spot as yesterday, between bed and cupboard, blanket draped around you and waited. Surely Squeaky or Spotty would return.

Around noon, the sun had risen too high for much light to enter the window, the hutch opened and another platter got pushed into your room. Noodles and a cup of steaming soup.  
In the evening another tray entered, again with an apple and a slice of bread. The deep red substance was jelly, probably from wild berries, and didn’t taste bad.  
The early morning visitors didn’t show up again.

 

Wind ruffled his hair, the black strands getting in and out of his eyes before he could flick them away with his fingers.  
The breakfast had been sparse and quick before he and a chosen number of soldiers had taken their leave and set out to find and follow tracks that could lead to you.  
Levi let his eyes run over the people who accompanied him and had to suppress a sigh. Four people. That bastard Erwin had allowed him to take four people with him.  
Then he shook his head. Searching for a soldier, a minor one, not outstanding in any way either, wasn’t exactly a top priority among the military. He saw Freckles, the girl Sasha and her shadow with a buzz cut chatting over something. Sasha had dismounted her horse and pointed to something on the ground, explaining with spacious hand-gestures.  
“Sir?”  
He turned his head and looked at the fourth guy that had volunteered to join. Blond top hair was tousled from the warm wind, catching the sun in it and looking much lighter than the darker undercut.  
“Sasha thinks she’s found tracks, Sir.”  
Without further notice Levi urged his horse on and it trotted down the hill and towards the others.  
“Captain, Sir, I believe I found their tracks!” Sasha exclaimed, barely concealed pride in her voice.  
He silently waited for her to continue, and after a quick glance to Freckles she did, slight confusion mixing in her words.  
“Um, you see these here?” She pointed to a patch of grass that had been definitely walked over by horses. “Tracks of two horses and a carriage, Sir. Carriage was probably very light, the wheels didn’t leave deep indents and are relatively fresh.”  
With a soft nudge, his horse did another step forward and Levi looked down to where Sasha had pointed before his eyes rose to the horizon again. The track seemed to lead north.

Their trek was agonizingly slow. Even though a carriage should be fairly easy to follow, this one had rolled over any sort of terrain and mostly avoided the fixed roads. The trail led over dirt paths, around a small lake and through a light meadow before they lost it again.  
He allowed them a break after the sun had peaked.  
While munching on bread the kids sat around a piece of paper, giving instructions while one of them drew. After making sure his horse wouldn’t run, Levi walked over to them at a leisured speed.  
“No no, there was a small stream running next to us until that rock.”  
Blondie lowered his pencil in annoyance and glared at Buzz cut. “Do you want to draw this?”  
“I’m just saying.” The short male lifted his hands in surrender.  
“Shut up then, Springer. Anyone else got helpful descriptions?”  
“The small forest we went through was bigger.” Levi remarked, eyes on the makeshift map Blondie was in the process of making.  
Four faces rose in unison, surprise on all of them.  
“Y-yes, Sir.” Stammered the guy holding the pencil.  
“What’s your name again?” Levi asked, rubbing his face and tired eyes.  
“Jean Kirstein, Sir.”  
He nodded and mentally stapled a piece of paper with the given name to the guy’s forehead.  
“You, Blouse.” He sat down between them and glared at the only girl in their party. “What do you think how long it’ll take us to find her.”  
The redhead had tensed up as he had begun speaking to her, but now that her expertise was asked she relaxed. Her estimation was, depending on how long the kidnappers had driven and where, together with added in weather and change of ground, the shortest time to find you would be a week. Likely more.  
It left none of them in high spirits, but they continued their journey soon afterwards.

They went through neighbouring villages, asking if anyone had seen anything, but didn’t expect much and got less. Even though the people were friendly they couldn’t offer them much besides a dry spot to sleep in and hay for their horse.

 

One morning, after over eight days since they had set out, Marco woke up sore. He sat up and shook straw out of his hair, stretched and looked over to his comrades. Jean was sleeping soundly next to him, hugging himself. A bit further away Sasha and Connie slept with their backs towards each other, the thick blanket draped over them. In the dim light of the shed and the early morning he could barely make out their faces. They looked peaceful though, not a single line of worry creasing their features and he sighed.  
He hadn’t asked them to come, had even tried to talk Jean out of it, but the blond would have none of it. Marco knew he was probably silently regretting it by now, even though he hadn’t lost a word about that yet which was unusual.  
To what reason Sasha was here he didn’t really know, but he suspected she still liked you because you and her had gotten the majority of dried meat all those months back when the rat-problem at the abandoned HQ had to be taken care of.  
Connie was basically attached to Sasha by the hip, so that was no wonder he had come along.  
A fresh breeze made him shiver.

The door to the shed had been opened, and he saw the short silhouette of the Captain standing against the pale signs of sunrise. The sharp scent of smoke reached his nose.  
With a soft groan Marco got up and stumbled towards the opening.  
If the Captain had noticed his coming he didn’t show it but kept on staring off.  
He studied the shorter one out of the corners of his eyes before he crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe.  
The circles around Captain Ackermann’s eyes were as deep as ever, the pale eyes a contrast to them. Now, at dawn, the world lacked colour and Levi seemed black and white, like a figure drawn with coal on paper. Nothing more than black lines and left out white spaces that came together and formed a face, a body, a human.  
“You’re staring, Bodt.”

Heat rose to his cheeks and he turned his eyes towards the line of hills in the distance.  
“Apologies, Sir.” He mumbled.  
“Tch...”

To his surprise the sound was more tired than sarcastic. He risked another glance.  
The boiling energy that seemed to fill the Captain every time Marco had seen him before had burned down. Shoulders sacked, head was ducked, and the fingers that held a crinkled pack of empty cigarettes were limp, almost feeble.  
The image of the indestructible Captain, humanity’s strongest, the soldier who always had a snarky comment on his lips and was quick to remark faults in everyone, he seemed like a completely different person. The Levi Ackermann now standing here with him was nothing in comparison, a shadow of the reputation he had gotten. Seeing one of the people he looked up to being reduced to something not much more than him awoke a strange feeling in Marco’s gut.

“Listen-“ After a last drag, the stub of the cigarette got put out below the Captain’s boot. Marco looked at him, half in fear of what would happen next.  
“If you don’t want to continue to search with me, that’s fine. You can go back to Wall Patrol.”  
The black haired male looked down on the ground, his arms crossed like Marco’s.  
“Excuse me Sir?” He was confused now. “Are you asking me to abandon you? And my friend?”  
The tired grey eyes switched to his face and he felt uneasiness creep up his spine. The aura of power and authority still radiated off the Captain.  
“I see how much it takes of you all. You can leave, all of you. If you want. I won’t judge.”  
“No!” His outburst had been stronger than expected, and he swallowed while one of the Captain’s eyebrows rose a millimetre higher. After he breathed in deeply and collected himself he said: “I mean, no. I want to do this. I volunteered, and I will not give up until I find her.”  
Instead of saying something, the Captain nodded softly and turned back towards the outer world.  
They watched in silence as the pale blue turned to violet, then soft pink before golden streaks began to stretch across the sky.

“She’s not only your friend, is she.”  
“W-what?” Marco felt his cheeks heat up for the second time this morning, but now he shyly glanced at his superior. “I... No... Maybe... I don’t want... She doesn’t know.” He finally admitted while staring intently at one of his boots.  
“It’s fine.” There was a strain in the Captain’s voice he couldn’t place. “Maybe you should tell her. Once we find her, of course.”  
A smile slowly spread on his face. “You really think so?”  
A warm fuzzy feeling spread in his stomach. The Captain looked at him as he turned around and headed back inside but the cold glare didn’t touch him.  
The day seemed much brighter once the sun rose above the clouds and he happily bit into the stale bread and slightly soft fruit they had bought in the last village.

 

The sun had risen several times now and set as often.  
The days were spent waiting, for something, anything to happen, and oftentimes you sat on the windowsill and watched the surroundings. There wasn’t much to see, and your mind wondered too often, to faraway places, tales whispered in the darkest of streets of your childhood. Of a free world, free of drugs and titans and walls.  
The sound of the hutch dragged you out of your thoughts and you got up to pick the tray up and eat. Your hands were already gripping the handles when a sudden thought crossed your mind and you leaned back on the balls of your feet.  
It was stupid, really, but what if...  
You placed the tray aside and stood up, fingers curling around the doorknob and before you could give way to the doubts creeping up your spine you turned the handle.

The door swung open and you were left dumbfounded.  
Had it been open the whole time?  
After all this time spend in the carriage, bound, blind-folded, not allowed to ask quuestions, now they didn’t lock you up?  
The hallway outside was empty, the walls made of stone and carpet on the floor. No guard or other person in sight.  
Was this some kind of joke?  
You took a step outside your door, expecting an alarm to go off, people dropping from the ceiling and tackling or bars trapping you, but nothing happened. It was unsettling you even further.  
The hallway had a dead end after three doors on the right hand side which were all locked. Turning left, you skipped trying the doors you passed and instead followed the carpet on the floor around the corner.  
Your eyebrows rose.

 

“For the last time, do you happen to have seen... a wagon maybe? Horse pulled? It would really-“  
The door got closed in front of his face and Marco sighed.  
It had been the last house in the street that he had gone down in so he returned to their meeting place, feet heavy and posture slacking. Connie was there already, grooming the horses.  
“No luck either huh.” He said after spotting Marco over the back of his horse. “I swear, these folks wouldn’t even tell us something if they knew... Sticking together, whole lot.” He shook his head.  
“Have you seen Sasha or Jean?”  
“Nah.” Connie answered and moved on to the next horse. It was drinking from the tiny pond in the middle of the small town square. “Probably robbing the people who were rude to her off their supplies or so.”  
The shorter one snickered.

With an exasperated sigh Marco sat down on a rock next to the pond. Someone must have seen something; a carriage wasn’t invisible!  
Since the Captain had told him he should let you know about his feelings he thought about you even more often, and right now, in this warm and sunny spot, he recalled a day of training.  
The weather had been nice then, too, but with a storm brewing on the horizon, far beyond the wall. The Captain had let them don their ODM harnesses and gear, and for the first time allowed the more experienced soldiers to carry blades in the compartments. It had taken quite some time for everyone to get used to putting the handles in the right places, click a blade in and drag it out without getting stuck. Towards the end of the session he hadn’t paid attention to you next to him for a moment while fiddling with his gear, and had only heard you say “Watch out Marco!”  
Of course he had lifted his head to look at you and that had been when the cold edge of a blade had been held to his throat.  
He softly laughed at the memory of freezing and even stopping breathing while looking down the silver, razor sharp thing that was touching his Adam’s apple but not hurting him, until he found your face. Something mischievous had glinted in your eyes, something dangerous, and the grin playing around your lips had only underlined that. Then he had realized you had only held the dull side of the sword to his throat, making sure not to hurt him by accident, and a grin had wound on his face. He had punched your shoulder, not lightly, but not with full force either.  
“You idiot!” His words had rang out over the training place and attracted a few looks before he laughed and the tension got lost.  
“Got you.” You had whispered triumphantly before passing him to carefully dumping the blades in front of your ever-frowning superior who had watched over the boxes with eagle eyes.  
Marco had leaned over to Jean as they approached the Captain, whispering: “I bet he thinks he’s not getting paid enough to put up with this shit.” And Jean had had to keep down a laugh while they handed over their weapons. It had earned them yet another annoyed glance.

He revelled in the rush of adrenaline and excitement from that day, from training with you, from watching your agile body and how Jean had had to suffer from it. The butterflies in his stomach after the initial shock of your surprise had waned. All of that came to an abrupt stop as Jean walked past him and heavily stepped into a puddle.  
Water splashed against his boots, leaving wet and dirty spots.  
“Dude, what the heck?” His face was a mixture of laughter and annoyance.  
“Sorry pretty boy.” Jean smirked, and handed him a tissue. “Wasn’t my intention to get you dirty, promise.”  
“Screw you.” Marco scoffed while frantically rubbing the area the mud had landed on. If the Captain saw him like this...  
Fast footsteps approached and Jean looked over his shoulder. Marco spied around him and spotted his superior coming closer. His face had no particular expression displayed, but his eyebrows were slightly higher than usual. Marco rose and exchanged a look with Jean.  
“Hey guys! Sorry, but I didn’t find any-“ Sasha got cut off as their superior took the reins of his horse off the small pole.  
“Get up.” He said as he gestured for Marco to help him on the considerably larger animal. As he glided into the smooth leather seat he continued. “I know where they have her. Follow me.”  
The dark brown mare of the Captain veered around and sped off, and they had to hurry in mounting their own rides and steering after him.  
“Where do think they’re keeping her?” Sasha asked excitedly, urging her stallion on into a fast gallop.  
“I don’t know but I’d like to know where the Captain got that information from!” Connie yelled over the wind that blew from the front.  
Marco’s gaze was fixed on the back of the black jacket in front of him and he felt his breath hitch in his throat.  
The Captain knew where you were!  
All the while Jean kept quiet.

 

There was a second, wider hallway opening in front of you. The same carpet rolled out on the floor, but there were windows leading into a garden on the right hand side and portraits hung on the wall to your left.  
None of them had nametags, but it was clear as a sunny day there were only royals pictured here. After a long line of kings there came the picture of a queen, her chin raised high, eyes fixed somewhere over your head and she looked like as fierce as a goddess.  
This hallway ended at another corner and you moved into the next corridor. This one had doors again. The first few you tried were locked as well, but the fourth or fifth creaked open.  
You found yourself on a walkway looking down into a spacious library, parting the tall rows of shelves halfway between ground and ceiling. There had been soft voices before you had stepped out on the small path, and as you looked down you spotted a handful of chairs and a couch partly hidden behind a smaller bookshelf. Three people sat there, and all of them looked up to where you stood.  
“Please!” A guy with bright blond hair called out. “Come down here and sit with us!”

His voice was not unfriendly. The warm tone surprised you, but you recognized it to be the voice of Squeaky Clean. A few steps away a small ladder led down on the floor below.  
As you approached you could make out their appearances better.  
Next to Squeaky Clean sat a young woman, almost still a girl, with an unruly mop of red hair. Her worn out trainers, albeit not spotty anymore, rested on a low table in front of her that stood between the couch and the chairs. The relatively young couple were accompanied by a much older person, who didn’t seem to be a soldier at first glance. He wore a cowboy hat and had relaxed in his comfortable seat.  
Squeaky Clean smiled at you and leaned forward, gesturing to get you closer.  
Your legs were stiff with discomfort and wariness but you lowered your rear onto the very edge of the next stool. Eyes jumped between the three of them before fixing on Squeaky Clean, whose voice rose.  
“Hello there. I hope you enjoyed your stay so far?” His smile was genuine, you silently remarked. That bastard’s smile was genuine.  
Instead of answering you furrowed your brows and stared at him until the ends of his lips dropped.  
“Oh, of course.” He chided himself and lightly hit his own forehead. “Snacks would be wonderful right now, don’t you think?”  
Without further ado he rang a bell before placing it back down on the coffee table.  
“Just a minute, Annie usually takes a while to serve.” The appalling, genuine smile was back.  
After another quick glance around you frowned at Squeaky and Spotty.  
“So,” You began, various feelings mixing into your voice. “Who the fuck are you and why did you kidnap me?”  
“Now, now, we’ll explain everything to you shortly. But let’s wait until the snacks have arrived, yes?”  
Your frown deepened.  
“Gee, she looks almost like Brother Levi.” Spotty mumbled, grinning. An icy droplet fell into your empty stomach.  
Squeaky gave her a chiding look but switched on that sympathic, nice guy smile once he turned his head in your direction again. Seeing the small change in your displayed expression, he took it as an invitation.  
“Allow me to introduce us formally? ______, this is Isabel. The gentleman over there is Kenny, and my name is Farlan!”

 

“Sir, if I may ask... Where did you get the information to where she is?” Marco had to yell, for the wind had picked up and the hooves of their horses weren’t exactly silent on the paved road either.  
The last village in the shadow of Wall Rose shrunk behind them, and all of them had to really force their horses to keep up with the speed at which Levi’s mare was racing.  
The Captain didn’t answer, but kept looking ahead.  
In his mind, Marco tried to lay out a basic map of their surroundings.  
They had left Krelva in the west, had followed the trail of your kidnappers north... But this road led east. North-East, to be exact. In that direction lay the main northern gate to Wall Sina, with the King’s palace shortly behind it. Could it be they had taken you there?  
But what for?  
_What for?_  
He fell back a little to be in hearing range of the others and told them his guess, but either they didn’t care or couldn’t hear him. Jean only softly shook his head as Marco tried to ask him what his thoughts were on you being held at the palace, but didn’t comment.  
Miles and miles span between them and the gate, he knew that much, and he doubted they would get there sooner than the next day.

The Captain urged them on mercilessly. They ate their dinner horseback right out of their pockets and still trotted on until far after the moon had crossed the sky. The wet cold that seeped into their jackets held them awake, teeth clattering and hands numb.  
They were still moving forward when the first rays of sunlight touched the clouds overhead, and Marco had serious trouble keeping his eyes open. Edges seemed too sharp, and yet his head felt like wrapped in soft cotton.  
Unnoticed by them and hidden by night, Wall Sina had appeared to their right, the huge wall curving ever so slightly. It was still far away; a soft blue shimmer lay between them, but they could guess where the gate was by now. The excited fire of yesterday was but a hopeful spark in Marco’s chest now, the fatigue too great.  
They only stopped after Connie fell off his horse and remained sleeping on the patch of moss his face had landed on, butt in the air.  
Sasha was still munching on a bread crust when she stretched out besides her friend, her fingers relaxing around the piece of food once she started snoring.  
Jean waved, seemingly annoyed, shooing Marco over to a sunny spot and insisted he lay down and let him take care of their horses.  
The last thing that crossed his mind before he drifted into a light sleep was the smell of warm grass.

 

Isabel had finished her third treacle tart by the time Farlan was done explaining how they had, in fact, survived their failed assault on Commander Erwin.  
To your mild surprise he revealed they had all three been members of the Survey Corps, before their last mission had wiped out the remains of them.  
After only Levi and Erwin, along with a handful deadly wounded soldiers had returned, the government had quit the Scouting Legion branch of the Military and had placed a ban on the mentioning of their sheer existence.  
Not many had even known there were troups going beyond the walls, and no one was interested in listening to stories about the outside world anyway, so it hadn’t taken long for the Survey Corps and along with them the Wings of Freedom, to be forgotten.  
The muffin placed on a plate in front of you was still untouched, but you had moved into a less tense position on your seat.  
“Still doesn’t explain why you kidnapped me.” You said, voice sour. “All you’ve told me just screams you both were too much of a coward to openly tell Levi you were still alive after all. And who are you again?” Your eyes went over to Kenny, whose face was shaded by his ridiculous hat. His eyes below the rim gleamed.  
“Oh, I’m Kenny Ackerman. Levi’s uncle, you know? I raised the little shit... Back in the day. Figured he could do on his own one day and only heard stories now and then until these little rascals recruited me for their cause.” He laughed, his voice rough. “I’m a real-ass soldier nowadays! Wouldn’t have guessed that from ol’ Kenny, huh?”  
You swallowed your shock about getting to know your Superior had real family.  
“So you all abandoned Levi, build yourself pretty new lives and left him in the dark?” Your forehead was riled with creases as you reached out and took a swig of water. “You suck as a family.”  
Isabel, who had kept quiet so far, swallowed her last bite and eyed the muffin in front of you.  
“Well, you see, there really wasn’t an occasion on which we could’ve popped in and told Brother Levi we were still alive, right?” She leaned forward and her hand came in reach with your plate.  
Without blinking you pulled it closer and took the muffin from it, taking a bite from the chocolate good. Isabel’s face fell.  
“We kept track of him once we got into the higher ranks of the Military Police, of course.” She shrugged, a smile returning to her lips. “We always had someone around him who would update us occasionally. What Brother Levi did, when he trained, with whom he talked the most...”  
Her eyes narrowed. “You, especially, after that tragic... _incident_ with his former Squad.” Something about the way she had said it didn’t sound right. “What did they snuff again? Happy few?”  
“Lucky U.” Farlan grunted as he took a sip of tea. “And you don’t sniff it, you drop it into your eyes.”  
“Whatever.” Isabel rolled her eyes and waved. “Anyway, one of our little birds told us the Captain got worse by the day... And not only his temper. But then you showed up out of nowhere, and the reports about him got better. You spend a lot of time with each other huh?” She leaned forward. “So naturally, we wanted to meet you...”  
Her voice trailed off and an idea dawned on you.  
“You couldn’t... possibly have arranged all this just so you could meet me. You could’ve just sent a letter, you know.” You were pretty sure your brows would never be able to separate again when Isabel laughed and Farlan displayed a small smile.

“Oh no, we didn’t do all this _just_ to meet you, no. It was also set to lure Levi here so we could... Talk with him.” There was a certain way how he had phrased his sentence, how he had told it, that sent a warning shiver down your spine. Something was off; and it wasn’t the simply idiotic way these two had dragged you here, how this whole place looked so regal and well maintained and yet abandoned, or the thing with the unlocked door which still somewhat annoyed you.  
These two, as normal and calm as they looked, had a fearsome aura of might surrounding them. This sort of dull and yet cunning planning and laying out a bait for Levi to catch was the work of months of calculating possible outcomes, and you were sure they had more influence than only their ‘little birds’ eavesdropping everyone.  
“Who says he’ll come after me.” You tilted your head. “As far as I know-“  
“Oh, he does. In fact, he’ll probably reach us in the next days. Which is why it’s good you decided to come out of your hiding spot and have a talk!” Isabel interrupted you.  
“Our informant has sent word to us that he's on his way here... You can just sit back and relax, we’ll handle the situation once he arrives.” Farlan continued.  
The atmosphere in the room had shifted at some point during your talk.  
Sunlight flowed in through a round window now, letting dust dance in the air and giving the two young soldiers a halo around their hair while they chatted, but the general friendliness had subsided. You were on the edge of your seat again, but you knew you wouldn’t stand a chance against the two of them, let alone the guy who trained your freaking superior until he was basically a killing machine.  
“What exactly do you plan on doing with Levi once he arrives?” Palms pressed together and securely pushed between your knees you alternated between looking at the girl and the boy.  
“That is none of your concerns.” The genuine smile was on Farlan’s face again, but now it looked less relaxed and more pressed. “We only ask you to stay on this level and not stray into other parts of our current residence; that way we won’t have to knock you out and cuff you.” The pressed smile was apologetic now. The talk was clearly over and you didn’t try to engage in further discussion. You had heard enough for today.  
With a last, dark look you rose and turned back towards the ladder, eyes grazing over a pair of light green jackets hung over the back of the couch. Before you could close the door you heard Farlan yell out: “And don’t try to escape through the windows! Please!”

For the first time since arriving here you flopped down on the surprisingly soft mattress and stared at the ceiling.  
Your mind was racing a thousand miles per second and yet seemed to be stuck on one single thought.

It was a trap.  
A trap for Levi, with you as the bait. And there was nothing you could do to prevent it from snapping shut.

 

Your door remained unlocked the next days, food got always pushed through the hutch, and nobody visited you. The floor on which your room was located was almost always deserted, only now and then you caught a glance at some Cadet dusting the paintings and sweeping the floor, but they never talked to you and only stared out of fearful eyes.  
If there was a staircase leading into higher or lower stories of whatever building you were in you couldn’t find them. You strongly suspected them to be behind one of the locked doors, and you spent a whole morning trying to pick the lock of one. When it finally opened it revealed a closet filled with cleaning utensils.  
Levi would have been delighted, you thought, as you pushed the door close, disappointed.  
Your window was the only one you could open fully, but the bars in front of it made it impossible to stick your head out and see more than the narrow square of scenery outside, and every other accessible window was either blind or couldn’t be opened completely.  
The wait for something to happen was pure agony. Every time there was a sound, some noise coming from somewhere, you bolted up from whatever you were doing and froze to listen. But nothing happened then, and after a few minutes your heart would calm down and you continued your previous activity.

Neither Isabel, Farlan nor Kenny showed up in the library again, and the door on its lower floor was locked as well. The books were mostly written in strange languages, some even had small pictures instead of words, but the ones you could decipher were only mildly interesting.  
The more you explored your story of the building you were kept in the more you suspected it to be the residence of a very high ranking official. Some topics in books you had browsed were serious violation against the government’s code of what books should contain, not to speak of outrageous beliefs and opinions some authors voiced, and only someone standing above those who made rules would get away with owning something like this and displaying it this openly.

The knowledge that your Captain’s former closest friends, family even, were alive...  
He had never mentioned he had an uncle, much less that said uncle had raised him, and mostly kept quiet about his former friends and the circumstances of their deaths. It had been a blow to your face to get to know all this and you didn’t want to imagine how Levi would react.  
Oh, you were sure he’d handle everything perfectly, looking as unmoved as a mountain. It was his insides you were concerned about, the maelstrom of feelings that would undoubtly arise... And possibly destroy something in him that would never heal. It kept you on your feet until late at night to know it was just another thing you had no way of telling, warning him from.

It drove you to the brink of insanity.


	11. Of friends and foes

You had begun to imagine sounds.

The first one had been a knock on your door with nobody there to have caused it, then footsteps tapped around you. Whenever something was beginning to occupy your mind, be it a book or intricate design of carpentry, something made you jump and look around in fear of an assault that never happened.  
You missed training, the physical exhaustion, the occupation... Wall Patrol and your rifle, even Levi who occasionally sauntered over to get a cigarette lit. Whenever your thoughts wound round to him you got up and walked around your floor, your heart heavy with the knowledge he couldn’t posses yet and would get to know too soon, too harsh.

 

The sun still illuminated clouds but had set already when you lay on your bed, arms crossed behind your head. Your eyes were fixed on a single point at the ceiling, a small flaw in the wood, and with flat breaths you avoided any thought as best as possible.

Your clothes were probably dry by now; In lack of something to do during the long hours of captivity you had given the softly fading black clothes a good wash.  
A door burst open, the sound faint, probably a hallway down or so. Your eyes didn’t even blink.  
There was a high chance it was just your imagination again; after all it had led you to believe there had been voices in the library again just this morning.

With a sigh you sat up and swung your legs over the edge of the bed. Your head swam from the sudden movement before you stood up.  
Your eyes were tired but your limbs restless once again. Slowly, to drag out the inevitable point of no longer doing anything again, you carefully slipped in the tactical pants, pulled on the top, jacket and laced your boots before deciding to wonder around the empty hallway once more.  
The door behind you was barely closed as the sound of a second, more forcefully closed door reached your ears and you froze. There hadn’t been any visitors until now, so why should they start now? Was someone here? Who?

The long time without much contact to anyone had made you fidgety and now the possibility of intruders seemed like a great threat.  
Pressed against the wall you crept towards the far corner from which the sounds kept coming; someone was searching for something.  
Your heartbeat was drums in your ears.  
The turn was just in front of you now; if you leaned forward you could peek around it-  
Something held you back.  
Before you could grasp hold of the thought that had kept you from advancing a person rounded the corner and walked straight into you.

 

The tall figure gasped in a familiar voice and in the next moment two arms wrapped around your form. Your mind struggled, wanted to shy away, break free, run and hide, but you saw black pants and relaxed.  
“Marco.”

He beamed down on you after parting, before he turned around and called out: “Captain Ackermann, I found her!”  
He looked back to you, and his brows began to draw closer. “We thought they kept you locked up somewhere! How comes you walk around here freely?”  
By now you had overcome the shock of seeing him and hot fear and cold dread spread. Levi was here. He had to be warned.  
“Where’s Levi?” You asked, and Marco took a step back. His face showed mild worry. “He’s just around there-Hey! ______!”

But you had left him behind already and sprinted down to where Marco had pointed. A door behind you opened and you skidded to a halt.  
Before Levi could close the door to the library fully your hands had taken hold of his upper arms.  
“Ackermann, you have to leave now! This is a trap, you shouldn’t be here!”  
His eyes were wide and his lips slightly parted, almost the exact same expression he had worn when he had ran into you in the underground.  
Energy was boiling underneath your skin, you felt like you could run a thousand miles and were almost vibrating. Levi was so slow.  
“What? But-“  
“No time! It’s a trap, Levi. You have to go!” You repeated after letting go of his arms.  
“______ what are you talking about? This is the house of a royal-“  
“Shut up Marco.” Levi barked and your friend stopped blubbering. The cool eyes ran over your form once before his brows furrowed and he approached a door across the hallway which showed clear signs of having been opened with blunt force earlier.  
The staircase behind it wound itself down in narrow turns. Your boots sounded awfully loud while you tried to explain.  
“They, they kidnapped me because they knew you’d come after me and I guess not even really because of the patches of my mom, and they just kept me here, waiting for you, and I don’t know what they’ll do if they get you, but they said they ‘just want to talk to you’ but come on who are they fooling here and-“  
“Fuck, hold your breath for a second, won’t you?” The black haired male pressed out between closed teeth.  
It effectively shut you up and you almost cried out of frustration. He had to be warned, he had to leave, and now that he was here none of the carefully crafted sentences you had constructed in your mind made it past your tongue.

You followed the two males down further.  
Once you arrived at a half landing of the stairs, Levi send Marco away to inform the others you had been found and ordered a quick retreat. The Captain stepped around two unconscious guards that had been left bound and gagged in the shadow of the staircase, and continuned down a less brightly lit hallway. Shadows lurked in every corner and there were no windows.  
After the short haired male gave the MPs a last, hateful look you notice the unusual colour of his jacket. The pale green was the one of the Military Police, and it gave his face a sickly hue. He was clearly uncomfortable and glanced around while you hurried along and tried to hold up with his pace.

“Ackermann-“  
“Sh!” His arm held you back before you could stumble around a turn, and his features indicated danger approaching.   
He pressed his back against the wall and risked a glance around the turn.  
“Shit.” He breathed, before looking once more. “So there are more than two guards here. Fuck. Can’t take them out either, too well equipped.”  
For a second you both stared in each other’s eyes, jogging footsteps growing louder. Soldiers headed this way? What to do now?  
There was no guarantee the doors you had passed were leading into empty rooms, and from your experience upstairs you’d be lucky if they were as much as unlocked. The stairway you had come down was too far behind, you’d never reach it in time.  
There was a small niche a bit further down the corridor in which a tall, basic vase stood, and for a moment you thought you could hide behind that before reality shattered this hope. The Captain must have had the same idea though as he dragged you along towards it. A hot shiver went down your back when you heard the voices of two people talking and getting closer, dangerously close to the corner you were tip-toeing away from.  
The vase was right in front of you now, and you squeezed between it and the wall. Levi’s pupils were unusually wide even though his eyebrows were drawn together. He was so close you felt his breaths on one side of your face.  
His face froze as you heard the soldiers rounding the corner and coming towards you.  
His lips mouthed the word ‘Fuck’.

For a very long, breathless moment panic rolled over you and made your body too heavy to move.  
Almost on their own your hands reached out and tugged Levi closer, holding on to the fabric of his jacket, clinging into it.  
He took a small step forward and angled his body, shielding your traitorous black clothes. He placed a hand on the wall next to your head and leaned in close. The wall in your back was firm and cool, not giving way, but you leaned against it heavily, trying to avoid contact with the Captain.  
His second hand shot out and grabbed you upper arm, stilling your movement as he leaned forward. The dull grey eyes stared into yours as his face was directly in front of yours, and you swallowed. He had to know you wouldn’t move and lifted his hand from your side, placing his index finger on your trembling lips.  
The footsteps of the soldiers were louder than ever, it meant now or never. Be spotted or unnoticed. You closed your eyes, half afraid, half nervous because of how close Levi was.

The minute it took for the soldiers to pass seemed endless.

Your heart was a drumbeat in your ears, breathing was difficult.

Thinking not possible.  
Everything stopped.

 

And then they were past the dark niche, their footsteps never faltering, not stopping, moving on, and relief expanded in your chest, making it painfully tight while breathing.  
Levi’s forehead connected with yours as the tension left his body, the hand over your lips falling down to his side.  
Your eyes focused on him and found his lids closed before he pulled back and took a deep breath.  
Silence surrounded you again but you didn’t dare speak, continuing to whisper.  
“You didn’t see many guards when coming in?” Pure disbelief was met with a shrug as he shimmied out into the hallway.

Farlan had said they’d take care of everything once Levi arrived, whatever that was supposed to mean. Was this it? Letting them in easily?  
“Are we on ground level?” You asked while following him, minding your steps to not cause too much noise. The male still didn’t speak but only nodded, creeping up to another corner.  
This was unsettling. They way out should have been crowded with soldiers, or blocked, anything but these empty hallways. They either waited at the exit or had something still up their sleeve, something you didn’t know about, and you were afraid of the possibility.  
Soft steps approached the two of you.

Marco rounded the corner and you felt a small bit relieved to see him. He carried his boots in his hands.  
“I met Jean, he’s getting Sasha and Connie and meeting us at the back door.” He informed the Captain whispering before smiling down on you fondly. Something warm fell into your stomach.  
“Good.” The Captain’s voice was low, expressing his dislike for this situation, and he thumbed over the gun in his holster.  
“This is too easy.” He mumbled while you were moving forward, ears keen on any sounds before rounding corners. “There should be more here after the shit they went through to capture you.”  
His eyes briefly met yours and you could only agree.

But there were less than a handful soldiers more, all easily over-whelmed by the three of you, all easily knocked out and restrained with their own cuffs. Marco handed you two guns he had taken off them, and you felt a little less naked after stuffing one in the back of your pants and keeping the other one in your hands. Since they had no silencers you couldn’t really use them without attracting unwanted attention, but their presence alone was reassuring. It meant you weren’t defenceless.  
Levi stopped and tapped Marco’s shoulder. With his hand he signalled to round a corner and then for one more guard ahead before you ducked into the smaller corridor. Marco ran ahead and let the handle of his gun connect with the head of the mentioned guard before that one could make a more than a startled sound.  
Dark wood covered the walls leading down to a door, intricate designs etched and carved into it. You didn’t stop to look at them while Marco pulled his boots back on, opened the door and stumbled through.

Darkness was falling, heavy clouds pushing in front of the dying sun, and torches were lit around the perimeter. Grass stretched out behind a circle of gravel running outside the building. A simple wooden fence in the distance marked the end of grounds, behind that a forest rose dark and looming.  
“Marco, move!” You said, shoving at the male’s back. He blocked the view on a large portion of the right side from where you stood and you couldn’t see why he had suddenly frozen.  
He took a wobbling step aside.

Here they were, the soldiers that had been missing on your floor. About thirty, sitting, leaning, perched on the front of their feet, scattered around the gravel in front of the exit.  
You felt Levi’s presence behind your back after he had stepped out of the door too, but he didn’t make a sound.  
What must have caught Marco’s attention, however, weren’t the soldiers in a lose formation between the torches. All of them were quite tall, had either shorn or pulled back hair and stoic expressions.  
It must have been the two of them opposite the spot you were standing. A girl and a boy, her struggling against his strong hold on her. She stood out against the rest of them, for her pants were unmistakeably black and the light green jacket she wore did not fit at all. The reddish brown hair kept in a ponytail reminded you of who this was.  
Sasha.

The soldier who had taken hold of her arms and now pressed a knife to her throat was blond, and for a moment you thought it was Farlan, before Marco’s voice sounded, broken and full of disbelief.  
“Jean?”

“Hey Marco.” Jean pressed out, tightening his hold on the girl in front of him as she tried to move. “______. Captain.”  
He acknowledged your presence, a tight grin on his features.  
With a few steps the black haired friend of you closed some distance between him and the other one, and you nervously followed him, backed by Levi who didn’t seem to like this situation at all.  
“Jean.” Marco sounded so crestfallen, so helpless. “What are you doing? - We’re your friends!”  
“That doesn’t matter. Stay where you are or I’ll cut her throat.”  
Had they planned this all along?  
“I can’t believe you’re doing this, you motherfucker.” Sasha pressed out, voice dripping with disgust. “Thought better of you than such a liar.”  
“Hate to disappoint you, Potato-girl.” He answered, not losing his grip.  
You turned to Levi whose face was a mask. Everything in you wanted to tell him. A movement caught your eye, behind the short male, and with a sinking feeling you recognized Farlan and Isabel.  
“Levi.” You said, eyes fixed on the approaching figures. “I didn’t get to tell you this but you should know that some of your old friends-“  
“Now now, ______, don’t take the surprise away!” Farlan called out, being well in hearing range now. Your eyes jumped to Levi’s face, to see his reaction, but the frown on his face didn’t change.  
He merely closed his eyes before turning around.

“Farlan. Isabel.” He said after a short silence, and his voice was emotionless.  
“Hello Levi.” Farlan’s voice was careful, not quite as warm and friendly as with you, and you realized it was because he feared Levi. He knew what he was able to do, had experienced it first-hand, most likely; and still there was the same grin on his face he had had in the library, still the self-confident posture.  
Perched on Isabel’s shoulder was a gun which she carelessly held in place with a hand as they approached, but her expression was less confident. She seemed unsure whether or not she liked her ‘Brother’ to be here.  
A few meters away they stopped, and the world seemed to hold its breath.

 

Armin stumbled through the open door and he lifted his view from the paper in front of him.  
The short boy seemed disorientated, for his eyes followed something invisible over his head before he managed to focus on him. Erwin wondered how he had not missed the door when coming in.  
“Commander, Sir, there was a notice.” For an unknown reason Armin began to smile widely.  
With a sigh Erwin stood up and walked around his desk until he was right in front of the other blond.  
“Armin,” He looked down into the small face, which lost the vibrant grin. “Are you high again?”  
“Wha-?” Those blue eyes were trained on something entirely different, something out of Erwin’s grasp of reality, and without another word he plucked the stack of paper from the boy’s hands and returned to his chair.

He began to regret letting Levi take that redhaired girl with him; Sasha was a much more reliable courier than Armin.  
“Jaeger!” He called out, and Armin flinched at the loud sound.  
Moments later the brunet appeared in the door, having been close by the entire morning.  
Erwin nodded in the direction of Armin, who had sunken into a chair and was absently tracing patterns on his hand.  
Repulsion shone on the boy’s face as he walked over stiffly, grabbing his friend’s arm and lifting him up.  
His voice was surprisingly gentle when he spoke.  
“Come on Armin, time to get you to sober up. How much did you take this time? Where did you get it?”  
Small sounds of protest were shushed as the blond got carried out of the door.

Erwin didn’t have the chance to take a look at what the papers held that he had been brought before Hanji busted through the door Eren had just closed.  
“Erwin!” She exclaimed, a crazed grin on her face.  
“What is it? I have to read these, they just came in.” He waved the documents in front of the other’s face but had no real hope she would back down. Once she was in the same room there seldom was chance to get anything else but her business done.  
Now she dragged a chair over to his table, pushed back the black lab coat she wore and sat down uncomfortably close to him. “Has there been news from our little scouting team?”  
He pinched the bridge of his nose.  
“Please tell me you did not come to just ask that question. To your information, no, there hasn’t. But I’m sure they’re doing fine.” They were all capable, more or less.  
“Wonderful.” The other said. “And yes, that’s not all I came here for. Just figured it’d be a nice ice-breaker.”

It was difficult to listen to her explaining while the papers Armin had brought where laying in plain sight on his desk, his fingers itching to read what the Commander from Trost had answered.  
His head snapped back up after Hanji had stopped talking and instead looked at him with furrowed brows.  
“Did you hear anything I just said?” She asked, and he felt mild embarrassment in having to tell her no.  
“Erwin,” She said, leaning back and tapping one of her feet on the ground. “It’s been years since Wall Maria got breached, and we still don’t know what exactly caused that. What I found is important, it could help us understand!”  
“I’m sorry, Hanji. Armin brought the reply of Pixis, and it could mean our resistance against the Military Police succeeding or collapsing, depending on what he answered. We have the Support of Stohess and our counterpart on Wall Sina already, but the South is a vital point and without them and the strength of their troups...”  
The woman across his desk nodded in understanding.

“My point is, if it’s not something of utmost importance, it has to wait.” He leaned forward and his eyes bore into hers, but she didn’t back down.  
“I believe it is, Erwin. I recently took blood samples from a titan that was in close range to the wall-“  
“Hanji!”  
“-No no, hear me out. Nobody got hurt, okay? So, I took some samples and brought them to my lab. At least the ones I closed before the blood could evaporate. That’s when I made the first interesting observation: If I kept the bottles in broad daylight for too long the blood would still disintegrate, even though it needed longer to do so, but I had a few samples in my pockets, in shadow, and those didn’t change. Something in that blood reacts to sunlight! Maybe if we studied it more we could understand why they never come near the wall at night. But that’s not it yet. We know there are different types of blood among humans, and I did a test to see if it’d react with some of the soldier’s blood you let me take.”  
She stopped then, and he glared at her. “And?”

A mixture of triumph and worry flashed over the scientist’s face.  
“It did. At least with some of the samples from our soldiers. I made my experiments in the light of candles, but the blood still mostly evaporated after I mixed a drop with human blood, but like with the bottles, it got preserved in some longer than others. The longest time it took is over half an hour for just a drop of titan blood to part with human blood and evaporate!”  
Erwin felt like he had missed her point, like the big surprise was still somewhere up her sleeve, but she seemed done.  
“Tell me again what’s so important about that finding?” He tried to understand, he really did, and he felt bad for his friend whenever she got excited about something and he couldn’t really follow.  
“The titan blood still evaporated but significantly slower when mixed with a certain kind of human blood. This could be proof that titans are more connected to humans than we thought, that we share the same origin, even. We look alike in some aspects, we both move on two legs while upright...”  
“Are you referring to the theory that titans are disfigured humans?” Annoyance was rising in his chest; if this was really what she wanted to tell him...  
The scientist nodded. “But- this is a major argument in favour of that theory, don’t you see? I’m still not sure how our two species are connected, but they have to be! After this, I feel like I’m one missing link away from the breakthrough!”  
Erwin placed a hand over his eyes and tried to not exhale too loudly. “Hanji, this is not important to me. Don’t you have someone in your lab to discuss this with? I’m sure they would have a better understanding of this.”  
The excited expression on her face didn’t die down but lost a bit of its glow.  
“I have to plan for the case a civil war between our divisions breaks out, Hanji. If you don’t tell me you found something, say, a clue as to how titans appeared, that holds vital information to how we can get rid of them, it has to wait in the future.”

The woman looked down on her knees and nodded. He reached for the notes and she got up to leave, but before she could reach the door Erwin called her back.  
With slight confusion she went back over to the table and took an opened envelope from the Commander’s outstretched hand.  
“It’s for Mike. Wall Maintenance has to go fix a thin part of the wall again, titans have damaged it and they’re almost through. It’s barely still in our sector, don’t understand why the division in the north isn’t taking care of it...”  
Hanji nodded and took her leave.

Wall Maintenance.  
As if they wouldn’t have enough problems already, with the titans outside and the poverty and drugs inside, and now the tense situation with the MPs...  
Erwin turned and looked out of the window behind his desk, but there was nothing but the green of a tree and bushes. Once more a heavy feeling tore at his heart, and he had to swallow thickly.  
It all seemed so pointless so often. With Levi gone off to find the missing Soldier, his main motivation to pull through with his work had left as well.

He wasn’t that dependant on the short male, he told himself. Especially considering they had had more than a rocky start. Erwin remembered seeing Levi for the first time, and how impressed he had been by the other’s abilities. How he had to remind himself to not get too attached, because they would likely be killed after their case of the corrupt royal would be revealed.  
How proud he had been when Levi had decided to stay, to join the Wall Patrol with him. It was safe to say he was quite fond of the ever-frowning man.  
Moping wouldn’t do him any good, he knew that much, but it was easier to share Levi’s company in silence than knowing him far away and the uplifting, sharp words of the Captain out of reach. Sometimes it was all he needed, a sarcastic comment, a snarky remark, an insult about his facial features, and the world was alright again. It proved some things never changed, would likely never change, a welcome consistency in the misery that was their life.  
Sometimes he felt like it was all just a dream, something someone else had come up with, a story maybe. When he was alone in his office and everything around him was quiet it was easy enough to imagine it wasn’t real. That none of the pain and suffering he dealt with daily was really there, no walls, no titans. It was a bittersweet thought he kept to himself, for the most private, quiet times of a day.

The question what Pixis had wrote back was still nagging at the back of his minds, so he tore his eyes off the leaves outside and turned back to his desk. Reality seemed a bit askew when he sat down, but as soon as he opened the letter from the other Commander he focused on that instead.  
He felt excitement rising as his view flew over the first, formal lines.


	12. Marco

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor spoilers for everyone who doesn't know how Eren got his titan powers, but no spoilers for the main plotline of both manga or anime.

Your superior shook his head and combed a hand through his hair. The seemingly pointless action surprised you, for you had very rarely seen him do it, but then you saw how his eyes flicked back to the two approaching people and it dawned on you he had used the gesture as a cover to count the present soldiers. A nervous shiver took hold of your hands and you clenched them. If he planned on escaping this...

“Drop you weapons, please. You’re outnumbered.” Farlan said, matter of fact.  
Levi flexed his neck, and half of you expected an attack, but then he dropped his gun. You plucked Marco’s from his shaking fingers and then threw your borrowed one on the ground as well, still keeping the second one under your jacket.  
Isabel nodded towards someone, and three soldiers came forward to pat each of you down. Of course they found your other gun, but Marco had had only the one you had taken already and Levi glared at the young man that had been assigned to him. With a look that could’ve vaporized ice he pulled out two other guns, one from his back and one from the holster on his leg.  
“Search him.” Isabel commanded with a hard voice.

The soldier looked from her to the dark haired male in front of him. The Captain had raised his chin and his grey eyes gleamed. His whole body screamed ‘Touch me, _I dare you_ ’.  
After another look to Isabel, the taller but younger soldier hesitantly reached forward. You could see the tremble in his hands and the poorly concealed fear on his face. Levi’s reputation travelled far and wide.  
The shaking hands came to close proximity of Levi’s hips. You held your breath.  
Soldier-boy bend down slightly to follow the line of your Captain’s hips, touches brief and hardly enough to feel anything besides the fabric.

Levi reacted faster than you could blink. His body tipped sideways, the left knee shot out and hit the poor guy in his chest. He stumbled back, clutching at his heart, likely not able to breathe, but before he could take another step Levi’s right elbow connected with his head and he fell to earth, unconscious.  
A small click sounded over the otherwise eerily quiet place.

Jean’s voice rose. “Told you not to send someone to touch him.”  
After a quick look to keep the blond from talking, Farlan spoke.  
“Levi, we wanted to be nice, we really did, after all you’ve been through, but you don’t leave us much a choice here.” His voice was legitimately sad now, and once again you grappled with the intentions of this man. It was so absurd to think he really meant anything he said, and still, the ongoing honesty suggested otherwise. Was he really that naive? To think Levi would cooperate without resistance?  
“You, ______. Search him for weapons, or we kill your freckled friend.” Isabel motioned you to Levi, a tense expression on her face. Her second hand held a gun she now additionally pointed at you, while Farlan kept tabs on Marco.  
Levi’s eyes left her face and he minimally turned his head to look at you instead.

Your legs were uncomfortably stiff once again but you took two steps forward and lifted your hands.  
“They don’t leave me a choice.” You whispered, fingers hovering above his shoulders.  
“Wouldn’t be the first time for you.”  
Was he referring to the times you had touched him to calm a coughing fit of his down?  
It was spoken so low nobody besides you could have heard it, and his grim eyes fixed on his former friends again.

You paid attention to smoothing the fabric over his muscles down so both Isabel and Farlan could see there were no other weapons hidden.  
You thought you had felt something thin and long below the hem of one sleeve but brushed past that, moved on to his hips and then down his legs. He wouldn’t knock you out as well, you were fairly certain of that, and still the wariness sat in your neck like an ugly spider, crawled down your spine and tickled your guts while your hands went over the hard muscles and skin stretched over bones.  
When you came to his boots you definitely felt two long, thin sheaths to both sides of his legs but patted on the skin surrounding them to not make a traitorous sound.  
Kneeling before him you looked up. His grey eyes stared down on you, waiting, testing if you’d call him out. Still on your knees you shuffled around, facing the two people currently pointing a gun to both you and Marco.  
“No other guns.” Voice flat, you answered their questioning looks. Farlan sighed.

“Well, in that case, we better handcuff you, what, Brother?” He signalled another soldier to move in, but at gunpoint and endangering both yours, Marco’s and Sasha’s life the Captain didn’t have many options but to let them bind his hands behind his back.  
Marco seemed to slowly take a hold of reality again, for his freckled face was lined with worry and betrayal.  
“Jean, why?” He cried out, and for a moment your attention shifted to him. Tears thickened his voice, and with newfound anger you glared at the blond keeping Sasha captive.  
“Do you know how difficult it is to be responsible of a family? Even if you’re a soldier?” Jean’s voice was strained, and his breathing was rough from the exhausting task of keeping the red-head in check. “Even with the money and food they pay you... It’s hardly enough.”

 

“You did this for money?” He couldn’t believe it. How could his friend, his _best friend_...“All this time, I thought you and me... were friends! How-“  
Jean’s face turned sour. “You really thought we were friends?”  
He stared the blond, unsure of what he was trying to say.  
“Never thought we were more?” The corners of Jean’s mouth twitched downwards.

Oh.  
_Oh._

He felt himself blush at the thought, a small fluttering feeling in his stomach. Then his eyes fell on you, and the moment of weakness passed.  
He finally overcame the paralysing sadness that had taken hold of him as soon as he had seen the other standing among the enemies; slowly but steadily it turned into anger.  
“How could you, you bastard.” He felt his voice shaking, filled with dripping hate but to his satisfaction he saw Jean flinch as the words hit him.  
Marco reached out blindly, taking and holding your hand for support when he turned around.  
“I don’t know who you are or why you’re doing all this, but please, just tell us what you want so we can get this over with.”

It only fuelled his anger when the one who was probably Isabel threw back her head in laughter.  
“Oh look at chu, Marco, all tall and demanding.” She was mocking him, but it fell on deaf ears as he waited for her to continue, his jaw set and mouth a hard line. “Anyway, since we’re at this already...”  
“Wait.” He heard you interrupt, and his eyebrows knit together as he watched you looking around. “Where’s Connie?”

A ruckus in the back caught his view, and Marco briefly wondered how he could’ve not noticed the fact the short male was missing.  
“He’s over there.” Isabel was impatient now; her words fell quicker. “Levi, we want to talk to you. Alone, preferably. The others will remain unharmed if you just come with us right now, but we don’t have all day.” She took a step back, expecting the Captain to follow her, but the person in question wasn’t moving.  
“I don’t know what you could say that would possibly come close to a try of an apology for all these years I thought you two were dead.” Never had he heard that low voice so cold. “For all the years I thought it was my fault for leaving you to go after Erwin. No,”  
Isabel’s attempt to interrupt him was met with a glare.  
“Spare me the explanations. Spare me your words of coercion.”  
“Levi, we-“  
“Shut the fuck up, Farlan. I will come with you. But first,” The Captain took a step aside and one closer to the blond he was talking to. Several soldiers close by jerked a step forward, but kept their guns down. “Let my squad go.”  
Marco’s breath hitched in his throat.

Then he caught the grey eyes of his Superior. He seemed to stare at him and then behind him, at... Jean?  
Another glance between him and Jean. What did the Captain...?  
“Hey Jean.” You called out next to him, squeezing his hand shortly before letting go. “What do you think they’ll do after you’re no longer useful to them?”  
It was a harmless question, but your disinterested tone made it obvious it wasn’t asked out of curiosity.  
He looked back over his shoulder and saw Jean’s face, a mask, a vein pulsing at his neck. Something clicked in his mind.  
“Did they promise you they would pay you, what, good money? Did you believe them?” He joined in, glancing quickly at your face and seeing the approval there.  
“Oh Marco I bet they told him he could drop out any time.” You said, speaking to him but eyes still on the blond. “Maybe they even promised him land and a house somewhere, to work for himself and that shit.”  
You suppressed a chuckle that came out as a snort; it sounded weird in the tense atmosphere, wrong, somehow, and at the same time...

Marco drew a breath, but before he could spit out more taunting words Jean already snapped.  
“Shut up! Shut up shut up shut up! I’m not listening to any of your crap!”  
Marco thought he saw drops of sweat on Jean’s face. “None of what you say is true. Stop moving!”  
The last was directed at Sasha, who vehemently strained against his arms now.  
“If you think I’ll just stand by while you all just have a chat you’re feckin’ wrong!” She pulled at the arm that held the knife to her neck, holding it at bay, continuing to loudly voice her opinion of traitorous asshats and all-too eager sell swords like him.  
Marco’s eyes travelled back to yours when multiple things happened simultaneously.

Out of the corner of his eyes he saw his Captain, jumping up, kicking out and slinging his hands around the throat of the blond called Farlan. That one choked out something about not shooting before his air supply was cut off, and Levi repeated his words louder for everyone to hear.  
In front of him Sasha moved, kicked, Jean groaned and somewhere in the back Connie yelled.  
Then, suddenly, you were gone from his side and he barely had the time to turn around before gunshots rang in his ears and he instinctively ducked.  
His breathing flattened, his heartbeat quickened, but he fumbled with the gun you had slid in his direction. He rose and pointed it at random, passing figures, not able to aim correctly, confused...  
Pain exploded in his leg and he looked down. The black fabric quickly dampened, and he felt the leg buckle and beginning to give way before something else hit his back.  
He felt like his body started to swell, like his clothes suddenly were too tied, like he was bursting out of his own skin.  
Marco couldn’t see anymore. His heartbeat was too fast. His thoughts began to turn on themselves, moving inward, folding and flattening and tearing at his head until the only thing he could do was scream, scream, _scream_.

 

He was floating in darkness.

Weightless.

Pictures flashed across his thoughtless mind.

 

Limp bodies on the ground, gravel exploding all around them.

Darkness.

He watched from somewhere higher above, looking down on the scenery.

Darkness.

Hands pointed at him, and his movements were slow. He bend down to be closer to everyone, took a step forward, felt something shatter below him.

Darkness.

He fell forward, but landed on all fours. Pale ovals took shape, lines formed screaming mouths and wide eyes. He couldn’t understand.

Darkness.

He saw mint green in front of his eyes and without thinking reached out. A large, enormous hand appeared and smashed a handful of the pale clothed figures. He screamed, but the sound was low and throbbing.

Darkness.

He couldn’t move forward anymore, he couldn’t raise his head. A pale oval amidst black came closer, so close that he saw the knit eyebrows and the black hair.

Darkness.

The floating oval in black was joined by another one, and suddenly he was excited. He tried to talk, but nothing but yells came out. He tried to reach out, but another gigantic hand appeared in his sight, clumsy, falling down next to the person, before it moved again, gentle this time, careful, touching the oval attached to this person. He felt the smooth skin, saw wonder coat the shock on the oval in front of him. Nothing else mattered, and calm spread through his entire being. His face twitched, lips pulled back.  
But then the pretty oval cracked open, shouted something, reached out and he felt boots hit a spot he could neither see nor reach and then more searing, hot pain and-

 

Marco didn’t pick up what Levi tried to hint, you saw, you knew, you had to intervene if this slight chance of escape should succeed.

Together you lightened the flame that was doubt and fear in Jean’s mind, enraged him, focused the attention of everyone on you.  
All the while you kept glancing at Levi, and when he jumped through his own arms, kicked Isabel and choked Farlan you knew it was now or never.  
The tall blond dropped the guns in his hands and you jumped forward towards them, picking two up and kicking one over to where Marco was frozen in place while Levi shouted a warning that, should anyone try to shoot, he’d kill Farlan.  
The peace lasted exactly as long as you needed to undo the safety locks on the guns.

It began to rain bullets, and it was a miracle none hit you as you began firing back, hoping Marco would cover your back until Levi got rid of his bounds.  
As you turned around to check your eyes fell on something that made your heart drop.  
Jean’s hand, holding the knife, was shaking so badly he let go of the weapon. It was coated in blood, bright and red, and for a short moment you met the light blue eyes of the bearer. Pure shock and fear were in them before they lowered to the ground, to where Sasha lay.  
There was a gaping hole under her chin, so wide and so red, her whole throat was, and the gravel to Jean’s feet as well.  
His eyes met yours again, his lips tried to form inaudible words and without thinking you lifted a gun and pulled the trigger.  
A hand grabbed your shoulder, but before you could react the person slumped away. In his place stood Levi, sleeves pushed up to his elbows and wrists bloody around the broken cuffs that still clung to his arms. His grey eyes were piercing.  
“Watch out.” He simply said before wiping the thin knife in his left hand on his pants and lifted the gun in his right.

Gravel exploded around you, and then Connie was by your side, dried blood smeared over his forehead and fighting with hands and teeth.  
Something hit your arm, but you didn’t feel pain, even after you saw the blood pouring out of the wound.  
Another bullet grazed the same arm, and you pushed the now useless weapon from the limp hand into Connie’s arms.  
“Mar-“ You began, turning around, half angry at the lack of involvement he had, half afraid to find him dead.  
He crouched on the ground, hands previously covering his ears half-way dropped. The muscles in his face twitched, his lips pulled back and his skin seemed to boil.  
His body twisted and was shaken with spasms; when he fell and turned his back towards you you saw a syringe like projectile rooted between his shoulder blades.  
Your eyes jumped from the strange object to the person behind Marco.  
Isabel was lying on the ground, face a grimace from the obviously broken and dislodged leg she was shielding with her upper body. The large gun she had carried fell from her hands; it must have taken a lot of strength to lift it in the first place.  
“You asshole, what did you do to him?” You stalked over, gripped a fist of her hair and roughly pulling her head back. She grinned and coughed up blood.  
“See for yourself.”  
You wanted to shoot her, you wanted so badly, but the gurgling noises, unmistakeably coming from Marco behind you, made that wish wavering in favour of seeing what was happening to him. Your good hand let loose of the red hair, but your knee shot out and hit her chest. She went down and coughed, blankly staring at the sky, and you couldn’t help it as you kicked her a second time before turning back to where Marco was.  
Had been.

In the short time you hadn’t looked, something terrible had replaced your friend, something monstrous, something that should not be in here with you.  
In horror you witnessed a 15 meter class titan rising before your eyes, unsure of his footing and disorientated. He seemed to grow right out of the clothes Marco had worn, tore open seams and ripped fabric apart, arms and legs stretched long and longer, muscles bulged under the skin.  
A deep scream echoed over the place and everyone stopped for a minute to stare.

Through his spread legs your eyes fell on Levi, still holding both gun and knife, a look of shaken surprise on his face. He stared up at the titan that had materialized, eyes wide and lips slightly parted.  
Then his view lowered, met yours, and his eyebrows lost height. He whirled around.  
He took advantage of the situation before you had time to come over the shock.  
The titan took a wobbling step forward and crushed a wounded soldier of the Military Police and two of his comrades tending to him before Levi came running around his legs, having exchanged the gun for a second knife and slid them both horizontally over the spot between ankle and foot on the back of his legs.  
Steam rose almost instantly while the titan, not entirely balanced before, lost its battle to gravity and came crushing down. He buried Sasha underneath him, but a person managed to roll away in time.  
MPs tried to run around the titan that blocked their aim, but he smashed them with a single movement of his arm.  
A few last gunshots could be heard, then the ‘click’ that accompanied empty magazines and a muttered curse of Connie.  
“______!” He shouted. “Where’s Marco? He still having that other gun? Not sure if these bastards...”  
But the blood in your ears was too loud as you ran forward, stumbled over limbs on the ground, found your footing again and continued to round the huge body that was filling the air with smoke.  
Levi joined you, knifes steaming in his hands, and together you came to a stop in front of the titan’s head, lying on the ground.

Someone could have sliced open your chest and it wouldn’t have come close to what you felt.

The eyes were empty, rolling around uncontrolled, the skin of the cheeks had holes in it and tore open as the titan opened and closed his mouth, but there were darker spots on his nose and cheekbones, discolouration of his skin, and the black hair-  
Everything in you screamed as you took a step closer.  
Out of the corner of your eyes you saw something big move towards you, but it stopped before it could hit you and you didn't care.  
Levi made a noise, warning to be careful or maybe just to voice his discomfort, but didn’t hold you back as you continued to stare into those eyes.  
The second eye stilled, and now both were looking at you. Or so you thought.

“Marco?” You whispered. It was high pitched and barely audible.  
The titan breathed in and moved its hand again, this time a single finger only. You flinched away as it touched you, but to your surprise the contact was gentle.  
The gigantic tip of the finger bumped the side of you head.  
The lose skin, barely covering his teeth, twitched, and for a second you thought the titan was smiling.  
Your eyes drifted to a black shadow that jumped on its back.  
The second it took your brain to make the connection was too long.  
“Levi **no**!” Instinctively you reached out, but it was too late.  
The Captain rammed both knifes into the titan’s neck with full force and pulled.  
You looked back into the titan’s eyes, Marco’s eyes, and saw the dull surprise there.  
“No.” You choked.  
More steam exited his body, through the gaping wound in his neck, and when Levi jumped down from his back his hands looked like they were on fire.  
“Let’s go.” He only said, taking your good forearm in a death grip and dragging you with him.  
He shouted something at Connie, but it didn’t make sense.  
_No._

 

The Captain had told him to find Isabel, and Connie hissed at the task while the black haired leader dragged you away.  
His eyes searched the ground, he waved his hands to clear some of the steam, and then he finally found her.  
She was half-buried in gravel, but when he pressed two fingers into her neck he felt her heart beating. Hands patted down her body, paying no attention to curves and bones, found a rope, found metal cuffs, pulled them out, clicked them close around her wrists. He had to pry her fingers away from a large gun that he had thought had been a rifle, but now seemed like something entirely different. He quickly looked over to where the Captain had gone.  
Their leader had left you sitting under the balusters, but wasn’t in sight. Hopefully fetching the horses.

After another glance down he decided it was worth taking the strange gun, slung it over his back and dragged the unconscious female over to where you sat by her cuffs.  
The dead weight made him fight for air after the exhaustion of shooting, but he felt restless anyway.  
His eyes flitted over the yard, squinted. Through the haze he thought he saw someone stumbling away, but he wasn’t sure. Couldn’t be.  
What he was sure of was the fact Sasha wasn’t here, wasn’t with you, wasn’t within his line of sight, and he bend down in front of you, snapping his fingers, slapping your cheek, calling your name, anything, anything to get your attention.

“Where is she? Where is Sasha?” He had grabbed the hem of your jacket, pulled you half-way up, stared into your face. It was so emotionless. “______!”  
“She’s. She’s dead, Connie.”  
Your voice broke in the middle of that horrible word, that awful, sickening word that he didn’t want to believe, that he couldn’t believe. He hadn’t seen her body, she wasn’t dead, couldn’t be.  
Had he shaken his head?  
“But who...?”  
You looked up at him, hands locking around his wrists, answering before he finished the question. “Jean.”

He let go of your jacket, remained calm. It wasn’t true. It couldn’t be.  
Hooves clopped over gravel and stone, and a nervous neigh sounded. The Captain had returned, holding four horses.  
“Get her up on one and bind her, we’re taking her with us.”

It was so easy to follow the Captain’s commands, and Connie stopped thinking, just did what the Captain asked him to.  
They bound Isabel to the horse he had come here on, then he softly kicked your side with the tip of his shoe and nudged you over to the chocolate brown stallion that had carried Marco for so long.  
Levi climbed his mare, and Connie swung himself on Sasha’s horse.  
The Captain didn’t say where the other horse was.  
The Captain didn’t say anything as he turned his horse and headed back out.  
He didn’t speak a single word until the hills obscured the manor behind them.

 

The sound of the horse’s hooves was all that filled the air of nightfall while they rode on; and after the first lights of the town that clung to the western gate of Wall Sina blinked up in the distance Connie noticed the pain.  
His head wound throbbed where Jean had hit him, he felt multiple deep scratches where bullets had grazed him, his legs were sore and so his wrists and arms and...

He sensed it before he saw it happen but managed to be there in time to keep you from falling from your horse.  
“Captain!” His voice was rough and strained.

The short male turned his ride and came back to your other side, examining your state. He pulled off his belt and signed for Connie to hold up your leg while he wound the leather around it.  
A soft whine left your lips and your body relaxed against the Captain’s.  
Connie felt like he should look away when the Captain lifted a hand, briefly touched your hair, the side of your face and then pushed you back.

He had never understood why you would put up with the annoying superior, enduring his comments and offering companionship when the rude Captain refused it from everyone else, but now that he saw how he treated you he began to have doubts. Marco-  
He flinched at the thought of his name and forgot his train of thought.

Their small group had taken up their slow pace forward again.  
After another few minutes it got darker. Clouds shrouded the moon and he couldn’t see far ahead.  
He only jumped on the inside when the Captain’s voice suddenly sounded from his left.  
“Springer, how badly are you wounded?”  
He couldn’t say, honestly. How bad was ‘bad’?  
“Don’t think I caught a bullet, Sir. Jean got me a nasty bump on my head, arms hurt like heck but-“  
“Ride ahead. Tell them we need medical assistance. We won’t make it if we continue like this.”

 

Darkness fled under the hooves of Sasha’s horse, light came closer with every wide step it made and Connie bend down low over the animal’s neck, pressed his cheek against the fur, pretended he smelled her in the scent it held.  
Then suddenly the horse jumped and he felt himself glide out of the saddle; the hooves touched ground and pain shot in his groin as he landed on the hard tip of the saddle, right behind his ride’s neck.  
Blurry shapes flew past as tears filled his eyes, and he had to force himself to breathe.  
The hooves made hollow noise on the ground and the animal below him slowed down.  
“Help!” He called out, not able to see. His eyes burned, tears spilled from them, but he wasn’t sure if it was still from the impact of the jump. “Somebody... Wall patrol...”  
There were hands on his legs, voices in the air, someone shouted something about a Commander.  
A deep voice called out.  
“Son, talk to me. What happened? Does someone else need help?”  
He managed to point in the vague direction where he had left the Captain and the other horses behind.

“Help.”

Then darkness surrounded him.


	13. Far Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize to everyone who was expecting more chapters in the past weeks and was disappointed,  
> but real life kept me quite busy with sewing a vest for cosplay among other things.  
> If you want to see how it turned out, head over to my instagram jojodoesntyoyo, and if you'd like to see some of my crappy fanart for AoT you can find my blog at soekkchen.tumblr.com :)  
> If you'd like to prompt some art there, feel free to do so~!

The train carriage gently swerved from side to side.

You shielded your eyes from the sun outside while trying to keep as still as possible, only then and now peeking between your fingers.

Connie sat next to you, slumped against the headrest to the middle of the compartment, legs stretched out and taking up at least half the space available.  
Against everything you’d have bet, Levi sat across from you, posture tight, a hand over his mouth and staring out the window with drawn brows.  
His feet were tucked underneath his seat, legs not crossed, his second hand between his knees. He took up as less space as possible.

He drew a sharp breath and lowered his hand, prying his eyes off the window. They stopped as he crossed your view by chance.  
“Does it still hurt?”  
His eyes flickered down to where a bandage wrapped tightly around your thigh, invisible underneath the fresh pair of black pants.  
You carried multiple other bandages, as well as he and Connie did, but unlike them you had refused the strong, well-working but easily addictive medication and stuck to less effective pills. They barely dulled the raw pain.  
“You’re fucking joking.”

His lips formed a straight line and he grunted. “Was your decision to not take the- painkillers.”  
You carefully placed the hand that had been covering your eyes in your lap, seeing how the wrist was wrapped as well after falling and sliding over gravel had done nothing good to the skin there, and rolled your eyes.  
“You want to say drugs, just fucking do it, I know you want to, why not go for it? Oh and besides, shut up.” Lower, less venomous, you added: “Not in the mood for talking.”  
He seemed to bite back an equally snappy response and stood up, managed to keep his balance as the train rolled into a curve and went over to another seat.  
You blinked the tears away that stung behind your eyes.  
Seeing him gone from your direct field of vision was a relief you hadn’t thought would be so great.  
Your lower backbone hurt, and you tried to shuffle into a better position, but all it did was cause pain to shoot from various points in your body to your midst, head, heart...  
Your lower lip had to endure the consequences as you bit down hard on it while staring out of the window again.  
Connie's voice from earlier was still stuck in your head.

“ _To Captain Ackermann and his squad,_  
I apologize to have to report back to you via this courier, but seeing how you will want to head back to Krelva as soon as possible, I see no other way.  
The manor you mentioned and pointed us in the direction of does not exist anymore. It was the summer residence of the former King, who was imprisoned eight years ago after Wall Maria was breached, if you recall. We arrived to see it ablaze and could do little more than opening the gates of the neighbouring stables to let out the horses after the roofs caught fire. The flames engulfed the whole building, also making us unable to identify the corpses at one of the side exits. There were several male as well as female among them, suggesting from their size, and we guess it is safe to say not even the servants of the house escaped the wrath of whoever laid fire to it. Seeing as the flames continue to rage on as I write this, it is unlikely we will have a way to figure out who did this or why.  
On behalf of the Wall Patrol, I’m reminding you again to file a report for the incident with the thugs you stated as the origin of your multiple wounds. I’m sure you will send message to Commander Erwin immediately, but just to be sure I will send a note myself as well.  
Kind regards  
Some kind of signature I can’t read. Probably the Commander though.”  
Connie lowered the letter in his hands, looking alternately at you, who was specifically not looking, with your hand loosely draped over your eyes, and Levi opposites him.  
You closed your eyes after you saw the grey eyes were resting on you.  
“So, what?” The short boy’s voice wavered. After a look around he saw the wagon you were riding in had no other passengers. He lowered his voice nonetheless. “You told them thugs beat us up? Seriously? And what about that big fat house; i-it just burned or what? Didn’t you tell them anything?”  
You couldn’t pinpoint an emotion to Connie’s voice, couldn’t even guess. Was he mad? Upset? In shock, still, a day after the events?  
You probably were. Not feeling anything meant one was in shock, right.

“Yes I told them it was criminals reducing us to the shit we are now. We have her as a prisoner, how else would you have explained us dragging her along?”  
The Captain’s head jerked towards the back of the wagon, where, securely cuffed, blindfolded and gagged, Isabel was sleeping soundly on a seat. You didn’t know what kind of drug they had given her, but she hadn’t woken up during your trip from the infirmary to the station and didn’t show any signs she would be in the near future.  
Levi leaned forward, aiming at Connie but gave you a glance as well. “And if anybody asks, you’re going to stick with that story, do you understand?”  
His voice was colder than ice, commanding, not taking ‘no’ as an answer.  
Connie nodded, weakly.

 

You snapped out of a small nap when Connie stirred besides you, and your eyes fell on the empty seat in front of you.  
The window showed glimpses of grey, wet weather now, and the conversation from the start of the train journey moved to the back of your head.  
You must have dozed longer than you thought.

The rest of the trip was spend in silence, everyone brooding on their own, until finally the train slowed down for the last time and the looming shadow of Wall Rose darkened the outside world additionally.  
Connie helped carrying the stuff they had acquired, mainly the strange gun and Isabel, while you refused any helping hand in getting off the train and Levi limped ahead to call for a carriage.  
Wind howled through slips and cracks and around the edges of the vehicle when you moved out on the other side of Wall Rose, into more rain clouds, but heading towards home.  
You didn’t know what to expect when the man in charge pulled the reins to a stop in front of the main doors to the HQ, but Hanji waiting under an umbrella with a blond, bearded guy next to her was not it.  
The steps down and out of the passenger seats were wet and slippery, so you let the other two go ahead with your prisoner and slowly took one step at a time.

When you finally caught up to where Levi talked with the glasses-wearing woman, you heard her say: “I’m your new best friend! My name’s Hanji, I think we ran into each other a few times already. As I was saying,” She gave you a glance and seemed to repeat something she had previously said. “You just missed Erwin. He received an urgent note from Head Quarters Military Police itself, Commander of that as well, mind you, to visit our most northern stronghold. Now, if you’d like to come inside, Mike and I are responsible while the Commander is away, but he let me in on your mission so you might as well report to me. Come along!”

Mike stepped out from under the umbrella and over to you, silently offering assistance and this time you couldn’t refuse. The blood loss was still making you dizzy whenever you stood upright, and you knew you shouldn’t be moving so much already, but alas.  
You caught Levi glaring as Mike basically carried you inside, but couldn’t be sure if it was directed at you, seeing how Hanji apparently had taken a physical liking on the short guy.  
‘Inside’ was warm, dry, with fires in the ovens and clean beds.  
Mike helped you sit down on a bed in the corridor that was designated to the sick and injured before you thanked him and told him you’d be fine.  
You were almost ready to fall asleep when the door opened again and Historia entered, carrying a tray with soup, bread and cake.  
Only when she took a second serving off her tray you noticed the other bed on the opposite wall.

The small blonde sat down on the bed and whispered something to the person lying in there, but didn’t light a candle.  
After she had left you noticed a pale face framed by black hair, and for a moment the resemblance to her distant cousin was striking.  
Then she huffed and the picture of the older male vanished, leaving behind the 16 year old girl she was.  
You managed to take your plates, and when she reached out with a hand to pluck a piece of bread off hers you noticed crisp white bandages on her lower arms.  
A sinking feeling hit your gut.

After finishing your serving you didn’t bother to pain yourself in getting up to brush teeth, so you drank a glass of water and then your head connected faster with the pillow than Levi’s fist ever could with anyone’s face.  
Someone had blessed you with dreamless sleep.

Waking and sleeping, eating and drinking, were the only things you could do in the next days.  
Sometimes the room was filled with sunlight, then again darkness followed by diffuse grey light.  
Your sleep was hot from fever, dreams filled with fleeting shadows that grew too tall, gunshots, blood and gravel.

Recovery took longer than you wanted, and there wasn’t much you were allowed to do while waiting for your body to heal.  
Your Captain didn’t show up, and after another day Mikasa got released, arms still bandaged, but all right.  
The only one who dropped by once were Hanji and Mike, and that only to get your version of what had happened.  
Reliving the kidnapping wasn’t half as bad as the retelling of your rescue.  
After you said Marco’s name you couldn’t continue, and your superiors had to wait until the silent tears stopped flowing.

When you asked about the gun Connie had taken with him the two exchanged a look. Hanji leaned forward.  
“Are you sure the young woman you brought with you – Isabel – fired at Marco? That weapon has only storeroom for the projectile it’ll shoot, and there was one loaded and ready.”  
You stared at her, gears in your mind working. “Are you saying she didn’t shoot? It wasn’t her who sho-“  
Your voice died, but your mind raced ahead. If it hadn’t been Isabel, who else? Who hadn’t been at the confrontation? What about your kidnappers? You had seen Annie serving tea and treats in the manor, but the other one, Bert... And Levi’s uncle, Kenny, he hadn’t been around after the talk in the library either.  
Had they been among the people that had been waiting outside?  
Even if so, the likeliness that at least one of them had survived was high.  
You told Hanji, and the woman nodded briefly to acknowledge it.  
A minute of silence followed, in which everyone was occupied with their own thoughts.

“Where are all the others?” You spoke up then. You closed in on the two weeks mark of staying in the infirmary, and the last days there had been suspiciously few noises from the soldiers surrounding you.  
Hanji’s back straightened and her face got a grim look.  
“Trost is under attack of titans. The wall wore thin at one spot, unnoticed by the maintenance guys, and they have ah... situation there. They requested all available soldiers, and our stronghold is down to the minimum now.” Thoughts clouded the eyes behind her glasses. “With Erwin gone off into the north and our main force in the south, a resistance in the case of Military Police advancing on us is almost impossible. I wonder if they sent Erwin away to weaken us.”  
Her voice got quieter towards the end until it was but a murmur.  
Then her usual, more relaxed facial expression returned. “But great news, you’re allowed to leave soon, isn’t that exciting?”  
You managed a lopsided grin. “Where’s Ackermann?”  
“Levi? Oh he... He left a few days ago, went south to Trost. Not to fight, but as a representative of our division. He’s supposed to sent reports frequently but well, we all know the Captain, don’t we...”  
She chuckled and rose, handing the clipboard and pen she had used to take down notes of your retelling to Mike.  
The male turned around before closing the door. “I’ll see you on maintenance shift soon. We’ll scrape together who is left and plug a few dents of our own... I need you to stand guard for the fixers.”  
Instead of asking if he rather meant ‘sit guard’ for the people in charge of repairs you only nodded.  
Then the higher ranking soldier closed the door behind him and left you alone.  
You pushed the blanket back and examined your legs.  
A broad bandage wrapped around your thigh, still, but the angry red flesh below it luckily hadn’t caught an infection. In fact, the edges were soft pink and itched faintly, looking promising.  
Historia, head assistant and put in charge of the infirmary for now, had suggested that you walked the distance between the two beds in your room to get a feeling for exercise again, so that was your main job during the days now.  
Sit up, wait until the pain subsided. Get up, not fall over, take slow, small steps across the room, one hand at the wall until you could sit down on the other bed. Rinse and repeat.  
Rinse and repeat.

 

The heat in your back vanished and you twisted around to see if everything was alright.  
“Something wrong?” You asked.  
“Nah, just done with getting rid of the plants in this part. Something in sight?”  
Connie’s voice was muffled by the mask he wore to protect his eyes and face from the device in his hands that was used to burn plants and other living organism off the wall before any sort of material could be applied to repair it.  
A square platform had been lowered from the top of the wall, on the outer side. It was so large that technically eight people could comfortably take seat on it; Five fixers and three spotters.  
There currently were three people on it; two fixers and you as the spotter.  
You turned back towards the open ground and sighed. “No, nothing moving.”  
Adjusting the weight of your gun, you swooped over the landscape once more. “Nothing at all...”

It was good this way. The fresh, cold air up here, the wilderness and lush green of the other side of the wall made up for the hours sitting, doing nothing, while waiting if something would come close enough you’d have to shoot it, even though with the breach in the south it was unlikely that some of the mindless bags of flesh ventured this far up.  
The quiet time invited to think, analyse events, but you tried to stay clear of the thoughts lurking in the back of your head, blindly stared ahead and pushed every memory of the manor away.  
A view to your left and you could see the other two platforms that hung from lifts on top of Wall Rose, also with fewer people than intended.  
Connie cursed.  
“One think they could’ve used better quality materials when they build these damn walls...”  
“They did, in fact.” The second fixer, a ginger girl, perked up. You didn’t know her name, didn’t bother to ask, and now didn’t turn around while still listening in on her reply.  
“The base material is unlike anything we’ve ever seen. Since nobody knows what it’s made of it is impossible to make more of it.”  
“Well if it was so great we wouldn’t be sittin’ here fixing this crap, would we.” Connie exclaimed, his annoyance clearly audible.  
“I wasn’t finished.” The girl said, irritation in her words. “We don’t know what it’s made of, but it is highly enduring and very strong. But once there’s a minimal crack and water and dirt can get in, it gives way more easily. Especially titan’s breath and their steam is making the top layer of this material weak. Once that happens it’s only a matter of time before nature begins to reclaim it and we’re left with holes to plug.” She paused. “You should have seen Wall Maria... There’s barely anything left of the original wall around Shiganshina, it’s a patchwork of all sorts of material.”  
“You’re from Shiganshina?” You asked quietly, mildly surprised. Your eyes focused on the area below your platform, where bushes and young trees began to grow a meadow.  
“Yeah. My family left before the breach, though, we went to visit relatives here and got lucky. I felt like I should... help, in some way. Joining the soldiers seemed like a good thing to do. I realize I was very fortunate back then.”  
She grew quiet and your mind was too occupied with thinking about such a scenario.  
The quiet progress continued in the next hours, undisturbed by words besides the occasional curse from Connie or a deep sigh by the girl, Hanna – Connie had asked; and without much change in the scenery below.  
An eerie feeling settled into your chest.

 

Erwin wasn’t here.  
That was the first thing he picked up from the bubbly woman and the silent man next to her after he had gotten out of the carriage, the first thing that pierced the thick layer between him and reality that had built itself during their trip on the train.  
He might as well have died.  
Connie was almost directly behind him when he looked back to the vehicle they had come in. His eyes fell on you, and he looked away after a heartbeat. He didn’t feel anything anymore.  
When the Scruff basically picked you up to carry you inside he didn’t feel jealous. When Hanji placed an arm on his shoulders he didn’t make the effort to keep her at bay. When Scruff brought you away to the infirmary and Connie followed, he let you go without looking back.  
Reporting to Hanji was easy. He listed the facts, gave a rough count of how many had died, briefly outlined what had happened.  
He couldn’t leave out that he had killed Farlan, and had to explain Isabel who had been brought to the cells in the basement, but it mildly surprised him how it all didn’t touch him.  
Eventually Hanji released him and he was sent to the infirmary as well.  
He changed the bandages on his wounds himself, rubbed the raw flesh in with alcohol and then crèmes, and the burning sensation was the first thing he registered after spending the last two days in a haze.  
The candle got blown out and the room was suddenly a mix of blues and blacks. He lay down because he knew he had to, half-heartedly hoped his body would see reason and sleep, but he had to wait long.

Everything was quiet around him.  
The white of his pillow was grey without the candle and his eyes unfocused.  
He felt his heartbeat where his skin had been torn open, felt every pulse of blood send pain through his body and yet felt eerily calm. The smell of blood and titan steam lingered in the back of his throat, like it had clawed itself in there and wouldn’t leave. His eyes were open and yet saw nothing, the pictures of what had happened playing in the back of his head but he wasn’t actively looking, wasn’t acknowledging them, knew it was easier this way.  
When your face surfaced among the flashing memories, torn by horror and fear as you had spotted him on the titan’s back, he closed his eyes and pushed his head deeper into the cushion.  
His limbs grew heavy.  
He didn’t ask ‘Why’ anymore, he accepted that everyone around him died, that he should have died long ago.  
He should have died before you had come to the Wall Patrol, after Petra and Oluo and Gunter and Erd had died.  
No, he should’ve died sooner than that, back when Isabel and Farlan had di-  
But they hadn’t, and he should’ve died sooner, still, back in that moist, dark room where his mother was lying on that creaky bed, pale and unmoving and with a sunken face.  
He breathed in and out.  
He should’ve died long before Kenny had walked through that door and taken him under his wing.

Seldom did his thoughts venture to the dark memories that lay more than two decades ago, not when there were far more colourful, lively pictures to focus on instead.  
He didn’t believe in a higher authority like the priests of the Wall-Religion, he didn’t think there was someone pushing buttons and making the world move on.  
He was past questioning where he would go in life.  
He was done.  
One of his legs twitched and he felt where the shin of his knife was missing from his ankle.

_The cuffs were annoying but not hindering enough. He jumped through them and grabbed one of the knifes from their hidden shins before his feet touched ground again and he slung his bound hands over Farlan’s head and secured his choke._  
The blade slid so easily through skin.  
The body fell against him and he lifted his hands, took a step aside and watched with a twisted mouth how it slumped to earth and didn’t move further. 

He had killed Farlan.  
He had killed one of the people he had trusted the most.  
He had killed a person that had died years ago.

There was a tight feeling in his chest, like something had swollen and was pressing against his bones from the inside, and he should move on his back to breath better but he couldn’t, continued to lay curled up into a tight ball and kept his eyes closed shut.

He was young again, small, fragile and weak, nothing but skin and bones, hiding in a corner of the dark room with the grey bed in which his mother lay, so still and cold, with skin stretched tight above her bones and her lips pulled back over a horrifying grin.  
He looked to the door through which Kenny would come any moment now, like he always had, and Levi knew he was dreaming again, did nothing, couldn’t do anything.  
But the door stayed close, no light flooded in out of which his uncle could appear, and the shadows inside the room grew darker, until Kuchel Ackermann rose from her bed, arms and legs thin as sticks, her dead eyes focused on his and he was frozen, couldn’t breathe as she took step after step towards him, towered above him, hands outstretched and there was rough laughter and squeaks coming from the walls around him now, the sounds of the brothel she had worked in, hands grabbed him and held him in place as she continued to approach, pale as a ghost, her voice a single moan, quivering, wavering, and he felt his heart speed up, so fast and light and she was taller than a house now, bending down and he could see every single teeth in her grin and he wanted to cry out, he was so small and young but he couldn’t move and-

Levi awoke with a wheezing intake of air, sat up and cringed from the pain this action caused.  
His heart was still beating erratically fast and his eyes saw his legs underneath the blanket but he didn’t register them.  
His chest was heaving with breaths.  
Mechanically he got up before the thumping of his heart could calm down, put on the clothes that hung over a chair nearby and left the room behind with stumbling steps, fell against the wall when his leg failed to support him at first.  
He was still not fully awake when the morning air hit him, cold and sharp, but it helped to clear his mind.  
He didn’t make it further than a small bench next to the door outside and sat down there, head leaned against the warm wall in his back and stared into the sky with empty eyes.


	14. The beginning of the end

The wind bit into his cheeks, scraped across his lips and stung in his eyes.  
His toes slowly went numb inside the thick boots, while the sturdy pony beneath him continued to march further into the worst snow storm he had ever experienced.

Granted, Erwin had spent only a few winters up around here and knew how bad the weather could get, but this experience was frightening.  
He couldn’t see further ahead than his ride’s ears, and only the rope he held in one hand and that gently tugged every now and then reminded him he wasn’t alone out here. His whole world shrunk down to the small space on his pony’s back.  
There was no sound but the howling of the wind filling his ears, never faltering, slowly plucking pieces of his soul up and carrying them away until all that was left was a shell, empty, lost among the endless storm that continued to rage-  
Suddenly the rope between his gloved fingers jerked upward, and after the initial surprise he copied the movement, lifting it higher.

Soon after, shadows began to form out of the snow in front of him, darker than the rest until he closed the remaining distance and entered the semicircle of soldiers that had come with him.  
“What is it?” He shouted over the wind to the person next to him, but instead of saying something they only lifted their hand and pointed in a direction.  
Squinting against the freezing water that got into his eyes, Erwin looked to where the thick glove pointed.  
Either his eyes were deceiving him or the sky brightened on the horizon.

They stood close to each other, knees touching and with as little space between the bodies of their in thick fur covered ponies as possible, occasionally leaning over and passing some words or handing around a flask with strong alcohol while they waited for the heavy clouds to pass.  
Time seemed to stand still in the white surroundings, the world shades of grey and black.  
For a moment the irrational fear of never finding out of this storm clung into Erwin’s heart.  
This weather phenomenon was nothing to be afraid of, and still the stories of people wondering out into the cold and never returning surfaced in his head. A glum feeling overcame him at the thought of how easy a titan could strike now, wipe them out in an instant without anyone ever finding out where they had vanished.  
But the wind was harsh, tugged at his clothing, blew the mane of his pony around and, eventually, ripped the clouds apart.  
The snowfall lessened, the air cleared, something closer to daylight returned.

After another few minutes the dark clouds had passed and left a thin sheet of pearl white in their spot.  
The area in which they found themselves looked bizarre.  
Everything was round in shape, covered in thick snow, hiding a million unknown things below it.  
The hooves of their rides found footing in the fluffy frozen water, advanced, carried them through these unknown territories, and he could only as much as hope the leader of their group knew where Wall Maria lay.  
“How much longer?” He asked, looking back into the direction they had come from.  
Only a vague guess through the thinning storm clouds was Wall Rose on the horizon, a small line far away.  
“By now we should at least be in sight of this damn Wall!” Came another voice from behind him. “Why did they make _us_ go out here, anyway?”

“Hannes!” Erwin called out after their Squad Leader didn’t stop for another while.  
The brown pony continued, its rider not turning back, and Erwin nudged his own forward until it almost trotted and closed distance to the Leader.  
“Hannes!” Erwin repeated, extending a hand and gripping the shoulder of the older soldier.  
Finally the blond turned his head, half hidden by the hood, a crazed grin on his chapped lips.  
He held up a compass.  
“Don’t you see? It’s not here, Erwin. It’s not here. It doesn’t exist. The north is defenceless. It’s a suicide mission.”  
He sat back in disbelief, but his blue eyes strayed from the reddened face in front of him, tried to find something to hold on before them, slipped from every heap of snow and couldn’t secure their grasp of reality.  
_Could it... Could the Wall really-_  
“No.” Erwin said.  
Hanne’s laugh was manic, high with fear.

 

The shoulders of the woman in front of you were bend low, over to the front, her hands supporting the weight of her head as she sat and listened to Mike reading the official report of the Vice Commander in charge of Trost to you, while Levi stood in the back at a window, staring out into the rain.  
Your hands were clenched around the backrest of the chair in front of you, one which you had only sat down in a few times since you had joined military ranks. Usually it was Commander Smith one found across the desk; today you stared at Hanji and Mike.

“What?” Your voice wavered between hysteria and aggression.  
Hanji sighed and pushed her glasses up to pinch the bridge of her nose after Mike had ended and lowered the paper Levi had carried back home from the south.  
“______, please. Do you know anything about Eren’s background or not? We just want to get this over with.”  
She sounded so tired, and you saw Mike cast a worried look over to her.

“Do I fucking look like I knew shit about that guy hiding a titan inside him? That’s possible? What-“  
“Stick to the facts.”  
Levi interrupted, not looking away from the depressing view outside.  
You closed your mouth and stared at his back, eyes filled with hatred as the memory of what he had done let acid rise in your throat. Your nostrils flared and your grip on the wood in front of you only tightened as you fought against the need to let free what was boiling inside you.  
Only the rain made a sound against the windows.

“So?” He turned around and looked at you out of hooded eyes, the facade not giving away any hint to some kind of emotion he could feel.  
In a way it was only enraging you further.  
Mike’s voice cut through the tension and shifted your focus back to the large table.  
The brunette had placed her arms on it now, her head with them, and seemed to have dozed off.  
“I reckon you don’t have any information regarding the revelation of Eren Jaeger’s titan form. You’re dismissed.” His voice was warm, his eyes friendly but his worried gaze locked on the defeated form of his friend to his side.  
You pushed off the chair and strode out of the room without a look back.

A week of doing repairs on the wall and keeping your comrades safe while doing so had left you with too much time to think, too much time to go over the events at the manor, too much time to replay the scene of Levi and Marco again and again until it didn’t cause your face to flinch anymore and let deep hatred settle in your chest.  
Marco hadn’t killed you after he had turned, he had touched you, stroked your head. He hadn’t been a threat.  
There hadn’t been a reason to kill him, and your dislike for Levi grew with every passing minute you spend recalling the memory, until you were sure to have seen a grim satisfaction on the short Captain’s face in the act.  
The fact he was away didn’t help in coping with what had happened either, it only made it easier to channel and focus your emotions on him until they turned dark and bitter. After he had returned with the survivors from Trost you had mostly kept out of his way, resorting to watching his moves from afar with a watchful, but narrowed, eye.  
Nothing had indicated he felt any kind of grief or other emotion for what he had done, he only walked around the premises and looked as annoyed as ever, while the loss of the people that had been some of your closest friends was driving you insane.  
It had been manageable with the HQ nearly empty and most of the soldiers away. Marco, Sasha and even Jean could have been among those sent out, returning from the south with the next train at any minute, and it was too easy to pretend they would. But when Levi led the remaining people back into the buildings and you watched from a spot to the side, you knew it would be impossible to keep pretending.  
Many faces were missing, too many; and those only added up to the holes the other three had left.

Hanji, in a desperate act to try and get the ton of bureaucratic workload Erwin had usually shouldered done, had promoted you to a higher rank. Either she hadn’t mentioned it or you had simply forgotten which title now accompanied your name, but it had brought along a small single room in the main building with bed, desk and attached bathroom. You’d still be forced to take the community showers though, seeing as how the pipes to the private showers had burst last winter and nobody had fixed them yet.  
The new position had allowed Hanji to dump an enormous stack of papers on your freshly acquired table, countless pages of reports given by soldiers who had made it back from Trost. Now it was your job to look through each and every one, gather useful information before signing them off and filing them away, while the brunette and her close comrade focused on other things.  
Even though you hadn’t had a chance to finish one yet, she had already tasked you to look over the yard in the afternoon, too distracted to state a reason as to why.  
It was concerning how the increased pressure worked the usually bubbly female off, and how deep the rings under her eyes were every morning.

 

Now you stood, arms crossed and legs spread, next to the main building and watched how carriage after carriage rolled into the space between the barracks.  
Cadets and soldiers alike began to gather around the entrances to their housing, watching, whispering, while person after person jumped off the wagons.  
Your lips were pressed together as yet another load rolled in and you moved from your spot over to the cadets.  
“Pack your things and move into the soldier’s quarters, now.” Several pairs of curious eyes gave you looks, but your grim expression didn’t allow questions. The youngest members of Wall Patrol vanished in their house while you moved over to the soldiers.

“Is everyone listening? I need all of you to make room for the cadets, you’ll have to squeeze together.”  
A few turned around and went inside, others stayed.  
“Why? What is this? What does this mean?” Asked several people and you sighed, looking back to where the loads of people in poorly dyed black clothes stood. The patches they bore were hastily sewn on, some askew, and with a pang in your chest you had recognized their design.  
Mike had been so kind to slip you the official notice Hanji had received but not handed to you, and with furrowed brows you recalled the main information it had surrendered.  
“These are the troups that will support us in the future. Since Trost diminished the size of our stronghold, the Military Police wants to ensure we are able to keep up the line of defence and send us... new soldiers.”  
At the mentioning of the MPs several voices groaned and hateful glances were shot over to the new arrivals.  
“The MPs? They never send so many before! Who are these?”  
Your patience was running thin.

 

“Mike what is this?” You held up the curling paper, striding over to where the bearded male stood. With a quick glance he dismissed the people around him before coming towards you.  
“Is this some kind of joke? They’re sending in criminals to help us defend the wall? Are they nuts?”

The usually friendly face of the large man showed signs of discomfort as he ushered you into a quiet corner.  
You lifted an eyebrow and crossed your arms, expecting him to shed light on the darkness.  
“When Erwin departed for his mission in the north he left a sheet with instructions, some of which have been confirmed by Captain Ackermann. Among what the Commander wrote there was one thing that stood out... Hanji and I talked about it with Ackermann, and he explained that Erwin obtained news that the MPs will install a purge mission to go beyond the Wall to reduce the mouths to feed behind it. We were hoping it was just a hoax, but apparently... They’re pulling through with this.”  
He gestured to the paper, crumbled in your fist by now.  
“It begins. They upped the recruiting numbers by the hundreds, new people aren’t send to do field work anymore but directly to the military now, and they comb the streets for everyone who as much as looks at them with a crooked eye. I had people approach me during my run for the market this morning, they’re worried about their families and children, but there’s nothing we can do to stop this mass recruiting. It’s signed from the very top, if we were to deny them shelter and food we’d be committing an act of treason.”

Baffled, you lowered your previously raised fist. Mike’s pressed voice let out much more than his guarded facial expression gave away.  
You took a deep breath and looked through the room.  
“How many know about this?”

Mike shook his head and gripped the clipboard in his hands tighter.  
“No one. And you better keep it like this, we don’t need a revolution with Erwin away. I’m only telling you because you’re one of those directly affected by the MPs try at keeping this secret, and I don’t need rumours spreading.”  
The second in command gave you a warning look before turning and leaving towards the group of people he had previously talked to. You continued to stand in the corner for a while longer, staring at the empty wall and slowly forming a ball out of the notice that was signed with a stamp in a light green colour.

 

You stared at the soldiers in front of you, the knowledge underneath what was happening behind your back as you talked to the people in front of you heavy on your heart.  
“They don’t tell me everything too, you know?” You decided on leaving out certain details. “Just don’t start any unnecessary trouble and try to get along with them for now, these are official orders so no interference there or you’ll have the MPs on your trail and a tribunal in your neck. The fuck is this?”  
The last part was directed at the person that had just knocked a bunch of pipes in your back and made you stumble forward.  
The man paled and nearly dropped the bundle.

“Ap-apologies, Ma’am! I received orders to, to leave these here!”  
You turned and looked over.

During your short talk the cadets had cleared their house and the majority of new soldiers had filed into the empty building. The carriages, previously loaded with people and now empty, were waiting in line to leave while new ones rolled in, carrying something that looked a lot like tents.  
Some people were already spreading the thick fabrics on the floor and beginning to assemble frames.  
Your eyes flickered back to the soldiers you had been talking to, and they didn’t say anything more after seeing the annoyed confusion on your face, clearly showing how little you knew of this.

“Let’s move, folks!” A woman with a rough voice said. “The MPs aren’t telling us anything, lest of all ______ , don’t you see? We’ll have to make due with it for now. Get your asses moving!”  
Mumbling accompanied the light haired woman’s talk, and the people scattered.

The same day not much long after, boxes of gear for the ‘additional and supporting forces’, how they had been labelled in the official note, arrived.  
Mike came out to sign the delivery as received after you send a cadet running for him.

While the taller male talked with the driver you climbed the wagon, unceremoniously pried open one of the wooden boxes and were greeted with a bunch of leather straps.  
No padding filled out the spaces, and the constant movement had shaken some of the less well tied bundles open.  
You picked one up that seemed properly bound and examined it more closely. The leather felt soft and smooth between your fingertips, almost stretchy. Testing, you bend and pressed a loop of the material together. It effortlessly folded in half.

Your eyes slowly went over to where Mike stood next to the shorter, thicker driver, clipboard in hand, and your views met.  
He softly shook his head, resignation in his eyes.  
You dropped the harness back to the others and waved to a group of by-standing new soldiers.  
“Tell the others to come here, you’re getting your gear.” You said, and the words were dry in your throat. Something like excitement washed over their features as they headed towards tents and barracks to tell their comrades, and a cold stone fell through your heart into your stomach.

Even though you didn’t bother in putting it on daily you knew that your own harness was made out of leather notable more sturdy than these ones, and so far you had struggled every time to bend the ends through their loops after buckling up. Never in the world would the material fold like fabric.  
What you were handing out from these boxes were low cost harnesses, not designed to last, disposable garbage.  
The fact you were helping these guys, as bad as they might have been, to an easy death outside the wall made your limbs stiff.

 

The day ended late at night with half of the yard being covered in tents that could house a bunch of more people that would most likely arrive in the next few days, and the mess hall divided in two, both parties spying on the others and throwing looks. Luckily nobody started a fight, but the atmosphere was tense.  
The newly appointed soldiers knew they weren’t welcome, and the cadets and soldiers that had been here, earned their ranks and had joined freely, didn’t understand how these thugs could have gotten these positions just like that.  
You went to bed that night utterly exhausted and emotionally drained. Shouting commands at the untrained pack of people and supplying them with faulty gear had been tiring beyond belief, leaving you without energy for the reports that still littered your new desk.  
You promised yourself you’d look at them tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end draws nigh, my friends.  
> Only a couple of more chapters to edit and rewrite.  
> The future is set in ~~stone~~ a word-document ಠ◡ಠ


	15. Shattered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little warning for intense verbal-, and following physical abuse.  
> More than in the other chapters up until now.

After days of being occupied and kept busy by organising and helping Mike and Hanji as best as you could, all the while squeezing in signing a report now and then and generally playing the middleman between soldiers old and new, you had almost forgotten about your brooding dislike towards Levi.  
When you crossed the yard one late afternoon and your eyes fell on the familiar short silhouette talking to two cadets it came back with full force, icy cold burning through the exhaustion build over the hours spend working and organizing, at the mere sight of the back of his head.

For a moment you couldn’t breathe as the sorrow about _their_ deaths washed over you once more, heavier than you’d have thought possible.  
The cadets suddenly turned and left, both with heads hanging low, and your brows drew closer together. Levi looked after them, and you caught a glimpse of his face, unmoved, set in stone.  
For a moment you weren’t in the yard anymore.

_You were looking up at him, disbelief and horror washing over your frozen form and there was nothing you could do to stop him when he lifted his hands, your body wasn’t moving, you wanted to scream and shout and then he hacked the knifes into Mar-_  
You blinked and the yard was back, but Levi’s face stayed, burned into your inner eye, the same, uncaring expression on it he had worn back then.  
This was going too far.

Whatever it was that he had felt the need in chiding the cadets for, it didn’t matter.  
The frustration and annoyance that had build up over the last weeks, pushed down and aside with other, more pressing businesses, surfaced, making you forget about the people that surrounded you, made you forget about your position, and all you could remember was the pain of seeing him on top of Marco, those terrible flashes of silver in his hands, the steaming spots were blood had splattered on his face as he had pulled you away from his carcass.  
Breathing hurt but you ignored it as you marched over to where the short Captain still stood, reading something on a clipboard in his hands.

 

“Ackermann.”

He heard the call and briefly looked up from the check list that was pinned to the board in his hands. He needed a moment to locate where the call had come from, but when he saw your approaching figure he lowered the clipboard and turned to face you fully.  
Never had he heard you using this tone before, not on him, not on others. It was strained, somewhat choked out even though your face gave away no sign of struggle.  
Your features were as even as a calm water, and he briefly wondered what you were up to.

“What is it?” He said, not making a move. You were only a few metres away now and angled your body as if you were in the fighting ring. The direct approach was broken, you shifted into half-circling him; and the fire that burned in your eyes that were solely focused on him caused the people around you to whisper. His immediate surrounding cleared quickly, soldiers and cadets retreated to a safe distance and fell silent as they watched how Levi observed your approaching form with a certain wariness.  
The fuck was going on here.  
“Hey, Ackermann.”

Again, this pressed tone, and now he was giving you his undivided attention. He hadn’t slept in three days and it made itself known in his easily rising annoyance and the low tolerance for bullshit.  
“What do you want? Spit it out, I don’t have all day, brat.”  
His response caused the first show of emotion to flicker over the face he had grown to appreciate as a silent companion; your lips pulled back over your teeth in a scowl, so unlike the times they had been smiling or grinning at one of his dry, sarcastic remarks.  
"Don't belittle me, you fucking bastard. You have no right to do that."  
He would have lifted a brow if it wouldn't have been set in his usual frown. He still was unsure about your exact motives and only crossed his arms.

"Say, oh great and powerful Captain, how does humanities’ strongest deal with murdering actual people?"  
Oh. That was where you were aiming at. He felt his jaw tense as he took a step towards you.  
"Careful." He snarled, low. There were too many others present who had no idea of what you were meaning, but he couldn't be sure if you'd stay this vague.  
Your face twisted into a sick grin that was painful to watch. It was similar to the manic smile that had graced shitty glasses’ face before he had left for Trost, and yet it had nothing in common with the honest display of excitement. Your grin was cold, insane. Lost.  
You laughed, and he was repulsed by the sound.

“Telling me to be careful now, really? Got nothing better to do? How about we focus on you for now, how about you think of what you did, huh? How about you remember that all of their blood is on your hands? The lives you took back then?”  
“Stop talking.” He said, still calm. This wasn’t you, and he knew it.  
“Or _what_?” You spat out, no longer hiding what you felt. It displayed in hate and incredible pain on your face, and he felt it pull at his soul, somewhere deep down, too low to be able to show. “Threatening to silence me like a good girl? You’re a fucking sick bastard, violence is all you got against others when your talk doesn’t destroy them already! Have you any idea what your fucking mindless insults doing to the cadets? The young soldiers? What it’s like listening to it day in and out?”  
He felt his annoyance rising again. What was your point in saying, yelling all this?  
You seemed to calm down a bit, but he noticed the dark gleam in your eyes. Something wasn’t right. This _wasn’t you_.

“I wish I would have never met you, clean freak. I wish I would have never made any efforts for you. I wish you’d be dying of your fucking cigarettes already.”  
Unconsciously, he moved forward, answering the challenge, but you didn’t back down.

 

He was close to losing control, you could see it, saw how the knuckles on the hand holding the clipboard turned white and began to shake slightly.  
And somehow the underlying, ever present fear of him inflicting pain, hurting you, was gone now, replaced with the deep craving of that very pain as a last resort of relief, some way to get the emotional suffering you buried inside you out, to make it physical because physical pain was so much easier to deal with than emotional one.  
Your lips moved on their own, your tongue formed words that burned in your throat, left a sour taste in your mouth and a sick feeling in your gut, but it was enough to enrage him further, to rile him up, to push his boundaries more and more.

“I bet you liked it.” You stared into those steel grey eyes, unblinking, while the words you were about to say hurt in your soul. “I bet you liked killing M-“  
His hand shot out and harshly connected with your left cheek.  
It stung and burned and the air felt too cold on it but as you turned your face back to him there was another wide grin spreading on your lips.  
“Don’t you dare presume I liked it.” His voice was tense from bottled up emotions, anger and frustration dominating everything, and he was breathing heavily now.  
You licked your lips as you leaned forward, a laugh bubbling in your chest.  
“I bet you’d have a lot of fun kil-“  
Another slap, the same side, more forceful, making you stumble to the side in an attempt to keep your balance.

“Is that all you got?” You shouted while dabbing at your split lip, glowering at him. “You’re pathetic, a poor excuse for a man. Maybe you should crawl back to that rotting cave you came from.”  
He was breathing heavily now, stood angled towards you, the right hand still firmly holding on to the clipboard while his left, flat for the slaps, clenched back into a fist.  
“Stop, now, and this won’t get dirty.”

His head was tilted, everything in him taught as a bowstring, ready to strike, and still he somehow managed to hold back.

“Do I, look, like I _care_? Are you afraid, shorty, afraid you’ll get your pretty hands dirty? Blood’s already dripping from them, little more doesn’t hurt!”  
A vicious scowl pulled at his features and he jerked forward, composed himself at the last minute.  
He stared at you. This wasn’t you, was it? What had happened to the woman with the thick skin that had shared his company all those times, had seemed to enjoy it? He was used to hearing insults, muttered under breaths and behind his back; about his height, the need to clean everything, his preferred beverages, but nothing had been as bad as hearing it from you, hearing you say those words that cut deeper than anything ever before, and he felt his resolve to just hear you out weaken.

“Go crawl back to the hellhole you came from, stop pretending to be a soldier! Stop making everyone’s life more miserable, go back into that pit and die, because I don’t care and nobody ever will! You’re a violent asshole who treats everyone like shit, like you’re better than us in any way, you are mean and hurting and distrusting, you loathe in your own fucking dismal and you’re too lazy to get over it, to deal with the consequences. You...”

He couldn’t hear you anymore. Your lips were moving, the manic look in your eyes glazed with uncried tears, every word from your mouth like a blow to his stomach.  
It was so wrong.  
He was used to the insults, why were they affecting him so much.  
He was vulnerable.  
He had _allowed_ you to make him vulnerable. Every syllable spoken dripped with disgust felt towards him. You had never cared. 

_Go back to that hellhole._

For a heartbeat the truth behind your words, the sadness within how right you were threatened to overwhelm him.  
He fought with every fibre of his being against the wave bearing down on him, and he won.  
The breathless vacuum of victory lasted for milliseconds before exploding rage filled him completely and he couldn’t hold back anymore.

 

His hits were as harsh and unforgiving as you had imagined them. Beautiful pain bloomed in the spots he touched.  
You felt yourself laughing despite the growing pain, despite the relentless blows against yourself.

“Yes, Levi!” You cried out, hysterical laughter interrupting your words. “Give me more! More!”  
It was so wrong. Nobody should enjoy pain.

“Fight back!” He pressed out as he pulled your head up with his hand in your hair, your face only a breath apart from his. “I know you can! Why won’t you fight!”  
He shouted it through clenched teeth, with disbelief in his voice.  
Your invitation, your pleads for more, it was not right, he shouldn’t be listening to you that way and yet he found it too easy to obey, unable to stop as you begged him on, voice laced with pain while you continued to laugh, cry and huffed in pain.  
He saw you beginning to cough and spew out blood instead of words begging for more, your grin turned red. It looked too satisfied. Somewhere in his heart he knew he had given you exactly what you had wanted.  
Knew he had broken, taken advantage of his strength over you, something that the freckl- _Marco, his name was Marco_ had told him you were afraid of. He didn’t understand, but knew he had succumbed to the worst of himself you had imagined.  
So why were you still laughing, coughing, laughing?

“Oh yes, Levi, more, please, more!”  
He couldn't stop.  
You were on the ground, he was kneeling above you even though you didn't resist, pinned you down with his weight and held you there.  
He leaned down over you, hands supporting him and placed on the ground to each side of your face that was so horribly bloody, features crushed, already swelling everywhere. One eye was completely shut already, the other one had a trail of tears running out of it.

Your breathing was a sick, wheezing sound through broken and bleeding lips as you stared up at him.  
For a breathless moment he saw the true pain in your eyes, not the one he had just inflicted, the one that lay below.  
He drew a deep breath and felt the hot fury leave his body at once. Everything crumbled and collapsed in on itself, the look in your eyes, satisfied and still crying for more, drilling through every shell he had build. 

Arms roughly pulled him off the fragile body below him, hands restrained him, but he didn't, couldn't leave your view. He fought against what held him back without feeling it.

"Why!" He screamed as unknown strong arms dragged him away and people closed in around you, shielded you from him until you were out of sight.  
He was still straining when a calm voice spoke up.  
“Levi, enough!”

He froze at the sound of Mike’s powerful voice in his ear, was suddenly aware of the two pairs of hands that were tightly gripping his arms.  
He could see black and dark grey figures circling you, still, before some picked you up and carried you away.  
He breathed in and out.

Only Hanji and Mike were close enough to register the quiet, suppressed sob that rang through the body of the short Captain.


	16. Coming to a Close

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the last chapter.

Dull pain was everything.

 

Blinding light was the only thing you could see when you cracked your eyes open.  
They stopped at only a fracture of their usual width, feeling thick and hot and heavy.  
You could feel your heartbeat in the lids.

 

The bed sheet was incredibly bright, pure white light attacking your eyes, and you closed them fully again.

The drapes were soft and cool and clean, smelled of the last summer and lay heavy on your chest.

Any thought about moving got swept away as a wave of pain hit you while you tried to roll on your side.

There was a rasping, rattling, ill sound, and after another moment you realized it was your own breathing. Focusing on it made the pain bearable, and thinking moved to the back of your mind for now.  
You drifted back to sleep.

The concept of time was as far out of your reach as the sun, and both seemed to circle above you in an everlasting dance, and you could only open your eyes occasionally, watching their mingling before falling back into soft black pits.

 

Levi listened to Mike speaking but couldn’t remember the words the male had used. He understood, though. His eyes drifted to where Hanji sat, in Erwin’s chair, the desk before her a war zone, and the look she gave him out of hooded eyes was both grounding and accusing.  
Mike’s voice wasn’t hateful, was gentle, as always, installed some sort of peace back into Levi’s midst where there had only been shards before.  
He was listening, with his head dipped low and his arms dropped by his side, not crossed in front of his chest like usual. Not protecting himself. Not looking at the dried blood on his knuckles, where they had burst open after too many hits.  
When Mike had ended, Hanji spoke up. Her voice was quiet, calm.  
“Why did you do this?”

The simple question, logical but nevertheless feeling out of place, caught him off guard. He looked up.  
His grey eyes looked through the brunette as he tried to find words.

“She... wanted it.” He said, voice bare of its usual self-confidence. “She was- There was too much pain in-. Fuck, I-”  
He broke off, swallowed and lost track of what he had wanted to say.

It didn’t matter anyway.  
He stared at the feet of Erwin’s desk, thoughts circling in the back of his head, but every time he tried to grasp one it escaped him. His mind was empty besides the horrible feeling of utter failure.

 

It had been days since the incident when Hanji had asked him if he wanted to come with her, into your room, while both the head nurse and her assistant did a check-up on you. He had stayed clear of the vicinity before, knowing he was not welcome, and sure that even if you were awake, you wouldn’t have wanted him there. Deep down he was ashamed of himself, hated himself. Felt more stained than he ever had when he still had smoked those god-awful cigarettes to punish himself, dirty himself in a spot he couldn’t scrub clean.

Now he stood in the door, too afraid to move further. Hanji was talking to the nurse while the assistant gently dabbed your forehead with a wet cloth and checked on the bandages below your covers.  
The assistant, a blonde shorter than him, had given him a side-eyed look as he had approached after Hanji, but hadn’t said anything further.  
For a moment his feet wouldn’t move from the threshold, and he couldn’t breathe right.

A strong feeling in him pushed him forward, towards the bed, until he could see your face, bruised and still swollen in places, dark against the pale shade of the pillows. His knees gave way and he sank down on a chair that had been pulled to your side, his lips pressed together in a thin line.  
He had done this.  
 _He_ had done _this_.

The shock clung into his heart in a whole different way, and there was nothing he could do.  
His eyes strayed from your face and met Hanji’s, and the woman looked at him with something like grim satisfaction before taking her leave.  
She exchanged a few words with the nurse outside the door, but Levi didn’t listen anymore.  
His eyes couldn’t stop watching you, how you breathed through parted lips, face relaxed and unaware to your punisher’s presence.

 

There was the sweet melody of wind chimes somewhere in your room as you drifted back to consciousness.  
The weight on your chest was too great, you felt the need to cough, but couldn’t. When you tried to roll on your side this time there only was a strong headache forcing you to close your eyes and breathe deeply for a few moments.

When the painful throbbing lessened, you opened the slits that were your eyelids and tried to focus on your surroundings.  
There was still the brilliant white of your sheets, and deep, mingling wooden brown of furniture and the room, but there was something darker sprawled out over a part of your bed that was almost out of sight.

No words came to your thoughts as you lay there and watched, a pale face with angry red bruises around closed eyes, blissfully lost in dreams. His nose was pressed into the sheets, slightly pushed upward, the natural curve brought to an extreme. Dry lips were parted, and there was a small amount of drool trailing out of them.  
Black strands of hair fell into the pale face, some moving with his breaths, some hiding worry lines that would never fade, not even in the depths of sleep.  
A sigh left your lips as you closed your eyes again and listened to the chimes.

The black pits of unconsciousness dreaded to close in and you opened your eyelids to keep them at bay.  
After a small shuffling, you were able to see his upper half completely.  
He sat on a chair, slumped forward, with his left arm on the mattress and the second one hanging down. His left hand held the cotton of your blanket in a weak fist.  
Dizzying tiredness enveloped your head as you continued to watch him.  
The longer you kept your eyes on him, the stronger dark shapes in your head got, memories roaring up from where they had been pushed aside, reminding you of pain and suffering.  
It couldn’t touch you. It was behind you.  
For now.

He huffed out a breath and stirred, but you didn’t move.  
He sat up and massaged his left shoulder, wiped away the wetness from his chin and combed through his hair with his fingers once. Then the grey eyes flickered over to your face, as if to briefly check if you were still out, but they got stuck as he saw you awake. He froze mid-stretch.

Levi didn’t move for three painful heartbeats. Various hints of emotions grazed his features, none quite as strong as to leave an imprint.

Then he rose from the chair only to drop to his knees at the head of your bed, next to where you were laying. The lower half of his face, now on one level with yours, was hidden behind his arms which lay in front of him, crossed, but you didn’t need to see the unhappy twist downwards the thin line of his mouth did. You didn’t need to see the wrinkles his eyebrows settled back into. He communicated through his eyes, and the small, painful narrowing they did now said more than a million words.  
Said he was sorry, apologized for letting go, asking why you had pushed him so far, pleaded for an explanation, at the same time showing the relief that you were alive, breathing and awake. Said he was unsure if he was welcome to stay.  
You closed your eyes and breathed out. It took a lot of your strength, and you didn’t reopen your eyes, but you managed to get your right hand out from where it was pressed against your chest, out of the warmth of the cover and onto the cool surface of the mattress.  
Before it could touch Levi it stopped, centimetres away when it felt like miles.  
After an eternity in which you were sure he’d reject it, refuse to answer your silent request, surprisingly warm fingers lightly touched yours.  
The small smile on your lips was all he could see, and he couldn’t breathe for a long moment of panic. That smile was nothing like the one you had shown when he had last touched you; nothing manic lay in it now. It was calm and sincere, and it lay heavy on top of the weight he already carried on his heart.

To see you were content, _happy_ in his company, with his touch, after he had taken you apart and left you in shreds was something he had neither expected nor ever hoped for, and yet here he was, covering the bruised fingers with his own, unchanged ones, lightly, afraid yours might break completely this time.  
But they didn’t, and he saw your lips relaxing back into their usual state, heard your breathing even out and getting deeper, and knew you had fallen asleep again.  
His fingers snaked around yours, now limp, and he pressed his forehead against your joined hands.  
You were alive. You weren’t rejecting him.  
It didn’t lessen the weight of what he had done, but it made calm spread in his chest and let a heavy sigh escape.  
The ‘Why’ remained, why you had done this, let him do this to you, but he swallowed it down.

When Hanji came back in the evening he rose from his spot on the floor after the brunette had stood in the door for a while.

 

"Don't jump." A voice said, from somewhere above and behind you. "I'd hate to have to crawl down there to get your patch."  
He groaned softly as he let himself fall on the flat stone next to you.

You eyed the figure in black, having the feeling to have had this situation before. Something was different now, though, but you couldn't pinpoint what, exactly.  
Your eyes returned to the ground far below, and you shifted your weight off your elbows that had been resting on your knees for the last hour.  
"It's tempting." You confessed, noting how his face was angled towards yours even though his eyes were dropped. "Seeing you majestically descend the wall in ODM to get my stupid patch... Might be worth it. Would you send it to my step-brother?"  
At the mentioning of the useless man his eyebrows twitched closer together.  
"Fuck no. I'd keep it. -Or burn it, maybe."

You nodded, and even though it wasn't enough to make you smile, the familiarity of it all was reassuring. You had missed this, the more than dry humour, the comfortably shared time.  
You were both testing the waters, slowly, careful as not to disturb the fragile peace that had grown between the two of you. Levi seemed to be aware of it, too; had shown seldom seen levels of caution when being around you. His attempts of trying to make up for what he had done showed in the little things he did; pouring you a cup of tea whenever he had some and you were so generous to sit down across him, suppressed comments on things you didn’t do perfectly and less snarky reminders when something of your appearance was out of place. He even had touched a hand to your arm to keep you from walking into a pile of horse shit during a briefing walk with Mike, and to his surprise and small happiness, you hadn’t jumped or pulled away from his touch.  
All those little gestures didn’t go by unnoticed.

 

After another few minutes without talking you retrieved one leg from where it dangled over the edge and slung your arms around it, slightly wincing as you squeezed a bruise still lingering. The events of the last weeks still hung overhead, mostly unspoken of.  
After his visit in the infirmary you had both kept your distance, allowed the other one to breathe, come to terms, before anything else.  
Something seemed to bother him, for the concentrated expression with which he stared to the other side of the wall was bordering painful. You looked away and picked at your fingernails.

"Got nothing better to do, Ackermann?"  
"Tired of me already, ______?"  
"I'm always tired of your shit, Ackermann."  
"Fair enough."  
He sat cross-legged, rifle resting on his knees, and his fingers toyed with the shoulder strap as he squinted his eyes at the distant clouds gathering where Wall Maria was.  
Up here, it almost felt like nothing had changed at all, the quarrels and disputes as far away as the ground they had taken place on. Almost. Ignoring was easier than dealing with it.

"Listen," he broke the silence, fingers gripping the gun in his lap. "You know you have to do something about our encounter in the yard."  
You knew. You had just kept it out of your thoughts for now.  
His grey eyes were trained on you again, but you sighed and looked straight ahead, lips pulled tight.

"Do I, now." Was all you said, the dislike about it clear.

It had been obvious that once you set a foot outside the infirmary after recovering from the treatment Levi had helped you to you'd be walking on your toes.  
Getting beaten up in the training ring while soldiers were watching was one thing, but outside, in the yard, with more than a dozen of the recruited criminals present and not fighting back...  
You hadn’t exactly told him, and more hoped he’d know, that it had been what you had wanted. Had needed; to realize it hadn’t been him you were holding a grudge against but the whole situation. The pain had relieved you, in a way nothing else would’ve been able to. But nobody else knew that.  
To them it looked like you had let yourself be beaten to shit without a reason, and more importantly, without any defence. In the eyes of the others that didn't know you you were weak, had openly displayed it, were easy to push down a second time and not worthy of respect.  
So far nobody had made advances on you to question your position, your rank, but those soldiers, no, those _mercenaries_ , were a pack of hungry wolves just waiting to pounce, rules or not. You felt their eyes in your back when you crossed the yard, hardly limping anymore, could tell from the way they talked to you, through their body language, that their opinion of you had declined rapidly.

Levi was right. If you didn't show them you could stand up for yourself, and soon, it could end badly for you.  
You chewed on your healed lip and looked off into the distance, brows furrowed.

There hadn’t been much talking between you and the Captain who was seated by your side on top of the Wall, but you had come to a mutual understanding. Sort of. You had shown him you didn’t resent him for what he had done, for what you had made him do, and his careful actions around you were apology enough.  
The waning sunlight was accompanied with several rings of a bell-tower nearby, indicating that dinner was just around the corner and the end of your shift near.  
Levi stood up, huffing as he stretched his legs. His eyes flew out over the deserted land in front of you once more before they swiftly touched you and then focused on the path ahead that led to food and warm quarters.  
"Watch your back, Ackermann." You called out after him, forming a basic plan of attack already. "I'll be out for your blood."  
He softly shook his head at the hollow threat as he shouldered his rifle.

After dinner that evening and a night's sleep you came up with a solution to the problem of your fading dominance.  
Striking back wasn't optional but mandatory if you wanted to be able to walk these halls without fearing a knife in your back, but it would be more show than actual inflicted pain. At least you hoped it’d be enough this way.

 

The bell for dinner had sounded a while ago, and by now only those who would eat in private or had other business to attend to were outside the mess hall.  
As expected, it was packed, but you spotted the raven haired Captain next to the slightly broader shoulders of Hanji on one side and Mike’s huge back on the other, sitting where the Commander would have taken his seat.

Instead of marching in through the front doors you took an entrance to the side, stealing out of Levi's field of vision immediately and striding confidently, but quietly, to where he was sitting.  
Eyes followed you, single conversations died down as you passed, a dark and powerful aura trailing behind you.  
Your eyes were fixed on the backside of the head with the undercut and no one dared to cross your path. With every step you got closer to the higher ranking officer your eyes darkened, your expression became grim and your steps harder, preparing.  
Not bothering with calling his name you tapped his shoulder.

As soon as he had set his cup down he turned around, but before he could fully face you your fist connected with his jaw.  
His head snapped back, his hands gripped the table for support and he shook his head to clear his vision.

"Pathetic." He spat out once his grey eyes focused again, jaw flexing to see if something was seriously damaged. He turned again, but this time your left hand grabbed hold of the dark scarf that wrapped around his neck in the evenings so often, twisted it around your palm once before forcefully pulling and effectively choking Levi while slightly lifting him from his seat.  
He coughed and closed a hand around your wrist, pushed it back slightly, to get you to pull more.  
By now the whole mess hall was dead silent, everyone's eyes glued to the scene before them.  
"You want more?"

It wasn't a question you directed at him, more a low growl, and your hand hit home again. This time his nose started to bleed and he began to suffocate from the hold. You dropped him like hot coals, he fell off the bench at the table and you stared down on him with disgust as he coughed dryly, clutching at his chest.  
"You're in a nice position to be kicked, you know that." You said calmly as your foot shot out, once, twice into his stomach. He suppressed a groan and huffed out flat breaths as he made eye contact with you. Now or never.  
Without flinching, your foot shot out again, lower this time, directly into his groin.  
A defeated, low 'uunf' left the Captain's lips as he curled up to protect himself.  
Your eyes flickered from his face to Hanji's calculating- and then Mike's knowing one, before sweeping the hall once more.  
Without another word you continued through the rows, collecting a bowl of soup from the food cart and sat down in a far corner, at an empty table in the back.  
For another heartbeat the silence continued, but then whispers rose, with them the clanking of metal against wood and porcelain and the chatters picked up again.  
Mike offered Levi a hand.  
You felt exhausted.

All energy seemed to have left you, and you quietly spooned up the stew in front of you.  
A shy glance over to the table Levi had been sitting at told you he was fine, wedged between the brunette and the scruffy blond once more, continuing his meal.  
Worrying to have hurt him was irrational.

 

Half of you expected him to show up at your quarters later, as you lit a single candle and turned in the empty room.  
It was as irrational as believing a few kicks and punches would seriously hurt him, and still.  
Of course there was no knock on your door that evening, and you lay awake until the silver moonlight had left your room.

What did this make you?  
Equals, again? Had you been equals before? Hadn’t you..?  
You turned to the other side, facing the wall now, and stared at the wood.  
What was it you had with Levi?  
Or else, what did you want from him?  
That question was easy enough.

You'd have given much for the times to return to how they had been, before... Before that stupid letter had reached you. Before your mother had taken her life. Before you had come to know that there was a whole other branch of the military, silenced and pushed into the grey area of people's memories. Before you had been taken and brought away. Before so much unnecessary bloodshed had taken place.  
Anything to have the quiet, uneventful days on the Wall back, patrolling, shooting down a titan now and then, and scoffing at Ackermann whenever he had come over with his damn cigarettes.  
But it would never return to that, and you knew, were painfully aware of it.  
Your mind drifted off to memories of warm winds and the slightly colder Wall below you, to the burning scent of illness coming from Levi, of the quiet companionship you had felt whenever he had so trustingly sat down next to you.

Deep peace spread in your body at the thought of his grey eyes glinting over to where you sat next to him, gaze lingering a little longer than needed, no words exchanged between the two of you. There was a gap between your bodies, as wide as two hands, but you couldn't have felt closer to him than in those moments.  
Calm love filled your heart and warmed your soul at the almost intimate memory.  
You didn't need much.  
Just this was okay.  
And you quietly thought to yourself, if there ever was something like Heaven, you'd like it to look like that.  
Knowing that and you could die in peace.  
Sleep wove through the daydream, thinned out the memory and left the feeling of safety.

 

The cold was dreadful. The wind wouldn’t stop, and even with the pale sun shining down on them it was freezing.  
The gate in front of them, having appeared at last, was shattered. Wood had splintered, bits and pieces most likely littered the ground but were now covered in snow.  
They rode their ponies through the tunnel, the eerie silence pressing on their ears as the wind’s howls were left outside.  
“Look.” A voice rose, and a glove pointed to the side.

Erwin’s eyes followed the gesture, and to his surprise he saw thick bars stacked against the stone of the tunnel.  
They would usually have been used to reinforce the gates, but seeing them placed aside...  
It didn’t make sense. Why take away the thing that would have prevented the gate from beeing ruined?  
They didn’t stop and continued, the bright exit on the other side of the wall already straight ahead.

The rode out into a ghost town.  
Windows were dark, doors had been left open or unlocked, stables empty.

Nobody said a word as they followed the main road towards the centre, where a huge house stood above the entrance to the mines that lay below.  
After they stopped on the plaza in front of said building, one of the leaders turned their mount.  
As she lowered the shawl that had covered her face, Erwin recognized Lynn.

“I will lead a small group of people down into the mines, to check for survivor’s of whatever happened here. Henning, Ilse, you’ll come with me. The rest of you, group, secure and search this city! Report back at sundown, and find a spot where we can safely rest! If there’s anyone left here, I want to know what happened, is that clear?”  
“Clear!” They yelled, and Lynne and her Squad-Members dismounted and entered the building.

Erwin took it upon him to part the remainders and assigned tasks to them, until he and Hannes were left behind to check the surrounding streets of the city’s centre for signs of life.

“It’s an illusion. It’s not real. It’s an illusion- Erwin they’re lying to us! This is not real, it can’t be, the Wal-“  
“Hannes!” He was towering over the older male, his patience wearing thin. What was this mindless talking the other soldier did? He seemed so different from the time Erwin had seen him last. “Get a hold of yourself! We have work to do, try to focus!”

The blond gently rocked forwards and backwards as he watched Erwin tie their rides to a sheltered spot to the side of the mayor’s residence.

Erwin walked behind him on their way to the nearby houses, noticed the way his shoulders hunched forward, how he looked around as if something could jump out and attack them at any moment, and it did nothing to relieve the doubt and concern about what exactly had made Hannes change his somewhat calm appearance.

With a sigh he kicked down a door to the first row of houses, and the almost warm air inside was a caress to their reddened faces.


	17. Loose ends

Paperwork kept you busy the next days, Hanji taking advantage of being able to hand you a good amount of her work, and you were determined to get it done sooner than the reports from before, resulting in you loosing track of time.

As you stepped out of your room after being almost done with the stack of papers and stretched your back properly for the first time in days, you found the corridor suspiciously empty.  
It wasn't exactly on the main route somewhere, but cadets and soldiers alike frequently used it as a shortcut to the toilets or the storage rooms.  
Warm sunlight filtered through the windows, announcing the golden hour before dusk.  
After relieving yourself at the communal stalls you stopped by the mess hall and peeked inside. Only a hand-full of people sat at the tables, and everyone seemed to be either of very good cheer and talkative or completely turned to themselves.  
It probably was Sunday.

Sunday was the only weekday on which the door to a storeroom at the far back of the kitchen was opened and beer, wine and other alcoholic beverages were handed out.  
Not to cadets, but all soldiers could get a respective share, and most used it to get drunk, shared it with cadets anyway or mixed it into unhealthy cocktails that left them dazed for the whole evening.  
You furrowed your brows as you spotted Hanji's faded yellow shirt among the other soldiers, all without their jackets.

"Hey, ______!!" Said woman called out suddenly, lifting her head off the table and waved with a brown bottle.  
Reluctantly, you stepped out of the door and towards the small group.  
"Hanji." You addressed her, scanning over the others quickly. Nobody was awake enough to care much about you anymore.  
Was it that late already?

"Heyy, _______?" The woman hiccupped, a concerned tone entering her thick voice. She furrowed her brows as she seemingly tried to remember something, blinking away tears that fell from her eyes. "Shh... Shorty wassere. Wanned to see... hic... i donnow? Oi, Nannba, wass he wann?"  
You looked at her, worried. Whatever made Hanji cry and drink this much couldn’t be good.  
Nanaba grunted and readjusted her position on the table, sighing.  
Hanji's glazed eyes blinked and turned to you again. "Cann f ben tha importann."

She nodded, then shook her head before turning back to the bottle in her hand.  
You carefully leaned forward and plucked her glasses off her nose before her head hit the table top flat on.  
You checked everyone's weapons and clicked safeties on, sheathed knifes lying around openly and folded the black jackets neatly before placing them within reach of each owner to relive some of the anxious feelings that had risen at Hanji’s sight.  
Who knew what they'd do in the next hours.  
Knowing Hanji, it would’ve been of no use to try and wake her to ask what was wrong, so you turned to head back to your own room after your gathered bread, butter and jelly from the kitchen and cleaned Hanji's glasses under water.

The food was placed on your table between the piles of paper, and the glasses carefully on top of a finished stack to the side.  
You were done with your first slice of bread when something heavy fell against your door.  
Alarmed, you looked up from the sticky substance in your hands, silently wondering what on earth this could be.  
As soon as you had turned the knob the door burst open and you could only as much as step out of its path before it could smack into you. The person that tumbled into your room was but a blur.  
The heap on the floor groaned.

"Levi?" You asked, checked the hallway and closed the door again after pushing his legs out of the way with your boot. "Are you drunk, too?"  
It was more of an accusation than a question; the uncoordinated movements answer enough.  
The soldier groaned again but managed to place his hands down in front of him, pushed himself up and shuffled backwards until his shoulders could rest against the wooden door he had just so ungraciously fallen through.  
You stared down on your intoxicated superior, silently wondering what he wanted here.  
"What’s all this?"  
The grey eyes stayed closed, head tipped back and hands limp to his side. He only gave a very unwilling sound from himself.  
After another minute he seemed to have dozed off, so you returned to your dinner and finished a second and third slice before you felt satisfied.

You didn't need to check to know he hadn't moved much; the ragged breathing hadn't faltered and no other sound indicated his state of consciousness had changed.  
The lids were screwed back on top of their pots when there was shuffling, and you only looked up when a hand roughly took hold of the chair you were sitting in.  
His name got stuck in your throat as you turned around on your seat, only to have him bury his face in your lap.  
A heavy sigh exited the short male.  
He seemed to have found peace again, an arm slung around one of your legs, the other one holding on but slowly slipping off a corner of your chair.  
Uncomfortable warmth crept up your neck.  
Slowly, you placed your hands, which had shot up in shock, back down, tentatively stroking the black hair that was spilling over your pants.  
Levi sighed again and nudged his nose into your leg further after having turned his face to the side to breathe better.  
He mumbled something inaudible.  
You felt yourself calming down from the initial shock.

"Levi what are you doing here?" You asked again, gentle this time, fingertips sifting through his hair.  
The mumble sounded again.  
"What?"

You bend down to be closer to his mouth, to hear better, but he lifted his head and blinked at you out of unfocused eyes. Your face was only centimetres from his, and you looked directly into uncharacteristically wide, grey eyes.  
"'said was lookin’ for yu." He swallowed thickly before placing his chin on your knee and ruefully staring up at you.  
"How much did you drink?"  
He took a good while to process the question before his eyes opened a little wider and he opened his mouth to answer.

 

"...too much." You answered yourself, grumbling, after he had coughed and thrown up in front of you, and you thanked the goddesses that you had been able to jump up and out of the way in time.  
By now the Captain was lying on your bed, without his shoes and with hands placed over his face.  
You eyed the wet spot on your floor with pursed lips and couldn't decide if you should be glad he had mostly puked liquid or not. Either way, it was mopped up now, and the window opened in hopes of thinning the smell of it.  
You had abandoned your regular black hoodie and sat down on the edge of your bed in your tank top, eyes focused on the black haired male next to you.  
He lowered his hands and squinted at you, the candle next to the bed not giving off much light.  
"You're fucking disgusting, Ackermann." You mumbled, not a trace of your usual sarcasm evident in the words.  
He blinked slowly and exhaled.

After you had come back from washing out the hastily collected cloths with which you had cleaned up the mess he'd made, you had seen him stumble over from the small sink in a corner of your room back to the bed, and the faint smell of peppermint had suggested he had cleaned out his mouth before collapsing on top of the sheets.  
Now he turned and curled around your form, slowly, careful, breathing heavily through his mouth, for his nose seemed to be blocked.  
You stayed like this for a while, just observing how his side rose and fell with every breath, how his closed eyes and furrowed brows gave him an almost painful expression.  
At some point he reopened his eye-lids but stayed in the position and simply stared at your pants.  
You were about to make a comment when his voice, quiet and rough, spoke up.

"The blond frien' of the brat... the one with the grean eyes-"  
"Eren?"  
"-haa, tha one... his, frien, he, ... he overdose’..."  
A stone fell into your stomach.  
Armin was...?

"Are you serious?" Your voice was half concerned, half bewildered. It couldn't be.  
Levi closed his eyes and took a staggering breath before nodding.  
"S true. Brat's sista found em." He exhaled loudly. "Hanji's... She love' that one. Said he was cleva."  
He scraped his cheek over the blanket, curling further inwards.  
"Isbel was foun’ dead, too. No sign how.”  
So the bit of conversation between Mike and Hanji you had picked up was true.

 

“No, no idea how that happened. But anyone could have gone down there, kill the guard and then go after her, it wasn’t secure enough! Oh the goddesses have mercy when the MPs get notice from this...”  
“But you still have the answers she gave to some of our questions, right?”  
“Yes, sure, but-“  
“Hello, ______, how can we help you?”  
The words directed at you had reminded you you had come here for another reason than to eavesdrop on your superiors, and you had hastily given Hanji the finished, organized and signed reports before quickly retreating.  
There was only one person the two could have talked about, only one kept in the cells, and still... Maybe someone else had been brought down there in your absence from the daily life, and you tried to not think too much about what it’d mean if Isabel was actually dead.  
All the questions, the schemes behind the facade... 

Levi’s raspy voice dragged you back into reality.  
“Still no message of Erwin... S prolly dead, too..." His voice drifted off, and you noticed he blinked more often.  
"Jus wan him back." Levi added quietly, voice thick and seemingly on the brink of crying.

He made a pained sound and stretched his back again before clumsily reaching out and taking hold of your arm. He tugged at it half-heartedly.  
"You dead, too?" He asked, but it wasn't funny.  
"No, I'm not. I'm alive, Levi." You mumbled.  
He blinked up at you, still with glossy eyes, and swallowed. "What?"  
"I said I'm alive." You tightened your grip on his hand that was wrapped around your wrist, and he lazily answered the action.  
You looked away from his blown eyes, watched how shadows danced as the candle's flame flickered, lost in your thoughts for a moment.

"Cann you do somthing for me?"  
His voice was small but not as strained as before, and you nodded. "Yes."  
"Make me forget."

It came out stretched and in an exhale, the words breathy.  
You sighed and readjusted your position, kicked off your boots and swung your legs up before gently settling down next to Levi, who had his eyes closed again and looked like he was nodding off. You carefully made sure as to not lie on the spots that still hurt before resting your head in front of his.  
"Make me forgett..." He repeated, more to himself, and his eyebrows twitched closer together before being released again.  
Armin was dead.  
Granted, you hadn't had to do much with the blond, but whenever you had crossed paths he had been friendly enough.  
Isabel, dead, for good this time. Unspoken questions burned in your head, now forever unanswered.  
Still no message of the Commander, either.  
Hanji in a worse mood than usual the last weeks.

You registered that Levi had opened his eyes again and was looking at you, but your view was trained on something far away, behind his face, somewhere else.  
When had this connection between you two had opened, deeper than it had been before, that Levi was now here, drunk, helpless, searching for comfort in you?  
It didn’t matter. You had trust in him greater than in anyone else. And, what was probably more important, you could rely on Levi.  
The unexpected contact of his slightly colder palm on your cheek made your eyes refocus on him.  
There was pain in his eyes and visible in the lines that mapped his face, deepened by shadows and the circumstances.  
Every breath he took was slow, controlled, careful, as if he was trying to avoid pain in his chest.  
Maybe he was.  
His name left your lips in a whisper as his hand slipped past your ear and anchored itself in your hair, pulled you closer until his forehead touched yours and the features of his face swam together.  
His breath gently touched your face and you angled your head so you would be able to inhale fresh air, although the strong note of mint managed to overlap the sour smell quite sufficiently.  
To your surprise you couldn't smell tobacco on him, neither in his breath nor on his clothes. Come to think of it, he had had almost no coughing fits in your presence in the last weeks as well. Could it be that...?

"Did you stop smoking?"  
He hummed in response, not moving further.  
"When?"  
He took a shaky breath. "Ran out of em while lookin' for you. Didn' get new one's."  
You closed a hand around his wrist, mimicking his action from earlier, before touching the same hand to his face.  
As desired, it had the effect of making him open his eyes.  
"I'm proud of you." You said, looking into the blurry circles that were his irises.  
He only huffed out a breath and licked his lips to collect moisture that had slipped out.  
"I'm fucking glad you stopped, okay Ackermann?"  
He made a low sound as if unhappy with your choice of words.

"Why."  
"Why what?"  
"'Ackermann'." He repeated, a far cry of how you had said it but still mimicking your voice. "Why not 'Levi'? Yu always switch."  
He shuffled closer until one knee slipped between yours, looped around the lower leg of yours and secured his position. The hand previously tangled in your hair lost its tension but remained in place.  
You needed a moment to think about your answer.

"'Levi' is for quieter things. Things that Captain Ackermann doesn't care about. 'Levi' is for you only. 'Levi' is for when I can talk to you, and not the mask you put on for everyone."  
"You're nicer when you say 'Levi'." He stated, sounding almost like he was pouting.  
"Yeah, well." There was the hint of a laugh in your voice. "'Levi' is friendlier to me than 'Ackermann', too."  
He sighed, and it sounded much lighter than previously.

The lines of worry started to fade from his face, and you used your hand to gently smooth out those that didn't disappear by themselves.  
His hand came up and rested on yours, holding it in place, in a way that had his lips almost touching the tender skin of the inside of your arm.  
“M... sorry. For hurtin’ you.” His breath left a thin sheet of moisture there.  
You simply looked at him, the closed eyes, unmoving. Accepting his apology.  
He mumbled something inaudible, too low and too slurred to make out, and with the next breath he was fast asleep.

Not feeling sleepy yourself you stayed awake, watching the Captain's face that looked so much younger in his sleep, occasionally pushing aside a stray hair or two that fell into his face.  
After the candle behind your back had burned out you shimmied out of his grasp, praying silently he wouldn't wake.  
Too often had you seen the red circles all too prominent around his eyes, too often had you picked up someone wondering how long the Captain hadn’t slept this time.  
You wrapped the half of the blanket he wasn't lying on around him and tip-toed out of the room, silently closing the door behind you.  
Once outside you leaned against it and took a deep breath.

It was dead silent in the hallways as you quietly walked through them. Someone had dutifully lit the torches along the walls, skipping every second one to save resources, and the circles of light and shadow led you outside into the yard.  
Dark blue and sprinkled with hundreds of stars span the night sky overhead, framed by the main building and the Wall to the sides.  
There was a small bench to your left, right next to the door, and you sat down on it and waited.  
Eventually three tears fell from your eyes as you stared, unblinking, up into the vastness that was above you.

On your way back you stopped by the barracks of the soldiers, peeking inside after you saw a single light in the large room.  
“Keep quiet.” You muttered to a pair of soldiers, hidden under a blanket, which were currently very occupied in one of the beds next to the door. It was nothing unusual to witness, but right now the sounds annoyed you greatly, somehow defiled the gloomy,detached mood that you were in.

You looked down into the bottom bunk bed with a heavy heart, saw how tightly Eren's hands held Mikasa. How pale the girl was in comparison to his deeper tan, how shallow her breaths were.  
You were reaching for the candle to blow it out as Eren lifted his head, his hair a mess and, in the soft light, swollen eyes golden. His mouth was already open to form an apology, but you softly shook your head.  
The boy visibly relaxed and stared down at his adopted sister, who was sporting bandages on her lower arms again. They looked crisp and fresh.  
"I don't know what to do." He confessed, his voice small and uncertain, defeated.

Sorrow clung to your heart as you saw how it tore him apart, and it was all you could do when you sat down next to him and pulled him into a hug.  
There were no tears, either not anymore or not yet, but he let go of his sister's shirt and instead held on to your shoulders, dropped his head on one side and let you pet his hair, until his fingers cramped and he pressed his face further into the fabric of your jacket.  
Quiet, stifled dry sobs came from deep down, woke Mikasa and made the girl sit up.  
Her deep eyes took in the scene, registered your presence, the calm look on your face and the obvious fact you hadn't forcefully separated them.  
After initial hesitation she accepted your other extended arm, joined in the hug and allowed herself a moment of grief.

"Come with me." You quietly said once she had pried herself away from your arms, not giving a second thought to what the consequences might be.  
You took Eren's hand in one, their candle into the other, and Eren took Mikasa's hand and together you ventured through the hallways, towards the private quarters of the higher ranking soldiers.  
"Will it be okay if we...?" Eren asked meekly as soon as you opened the door to what was Levi's room, knowing it would be empty.  
"Of course it will be. You can lock the door if you want, I'll make sure no one disturbs you."  
The grief was too fresh to allow for smiles, but you didn't need one to feel their thanks as they slipped past you into the dark room, towards the bed in one corner and curled up there together, as if they were children not older than ten.  
After you draped the blanket over them you borrowed pen and paper from the desk and wrote a note, stating that nobody was to interrupt the current occupants of this room until lunch, also freeing them of their usual choirs as soldiers. After you pinned it to the door you took a step back to observe the final product.  
It was the least you could do.

The rest of the night you alternated between Levi's room and yours, never entering either but keeping on walking between them like you were guarding them, until the sore spots of your body throbbed again and tiredness crept up to you.

When the clouds in front of the windows got a tint of grey you went back to your own room and sat down at your desk, silently watching how the Captain had shifted and adjusted in the comfortable space, hair gone messy and face buried in the pillow.  
Earlier, after waiting a few hours and making sure Mikasa and her brother were fast asleep, you had retrieved a spare set of clothes from Levi’s drawers.  
The black clothes lay, neatly folded, next to the burned out candle on your bedside table.  
Your eyes were glued to a spot outside your window, and at first you didn't notice Levi stirring.  
When his movements caught your attention you kept quiet, resolving to watching what he'd do.  
He lifted his head, looked around with bleary eyes and shielded them from the grey light outside.  
With difficulties he rolled around until his feet touched ground and he stared on his clothed legs for a minute.  
The inevitable headache of a hangover seemed to kick in, and he pressed his hands on his eyes before blindly reaching for the clothes and rising, stumbling to the door and out into the hallway.  
His heavy steps faded into the direction of the showers, and you breathed in.  
It looked like he had effortlessly picked up his morning routine, undisturbed by the fact where his day had started.  
To your relief Levi didn't stop by his room after showering but went straight to the Mess Hall; so when first Mikasa, stern and collected as ever, and then Eren, a little more tipsy from sleep, still, entered the dining area around the time the last soldiers finished up and the cadets on cleaning duty were already tapping their brooms to the ground in anticipation, they both sent you a look of gratitude, indicating they knew very well what you had done for them.  
You finished your tea and quietly left, picking up your gun on your way out and slowly climbed the stairs to take on your patrol duty.

 

Calm spread over the HQ like a thin blanket, offering the opportunity to breathe and come to rest.  
You had stopped keeping track of the days a while back, only knowing the weekdays but not recalling when what had happened.  
Hours swam together and soon the deep dark pit that sat in your memory like an ugly toad, marking the day Levi had lost his composure, was far away.  
It was done, past.  
Things were stirring only after a messenger, tired and unwashed, had ridden his horse into the yard and reigned it to a halt there, calling out for Hanji and Mike, and handing them a small phial containing a letter.

The news that Commander Smith, alive and well, would return home soon reached you only after the bell had sounded and rang your shift to an early end.  
The somewhat slacking mood that had hung over everyone’s head the past days lifted considerably, and a small smile stole on your lips as you watched Levi marching across the yard and yelling at everyone that had not cleaned up their sleeping place or wasn't helping someone else sweeping the floor.

Windows got thrown open, sunlight flooded in, and every room was scrubbed until it sparkled, the food was restocked and the dishes polished.  
You had stuck your head into the Commander’s office to hand in the last files Hanji had given you, only to see the brunette more herself than ever before. Dark circles still framed her eyes, but she was buzzing with nervous energy again, fiddling with this and that while frantically trying to sort the thick cover of papers, reports and files that had gathered on the wooden desk. With a smile you had left the important papers in Hanji’s care, and after you had rounded a corner in the hallway you had heard her shrieking for someone to help organize the mess.  
The cadets and young soldiers still mourned the loss of Armin, but even they made efforts to join in the general buzz that surrounded the proud proclaim that their beloved Commander would return, at last.  
Two days later it had finally happened.

Erwin had exited a carriage in the yard, greeted by almost the whole Division present.  
Only those unfortunate enough to be on Wall Patrol duty couldn’t partake in the small celebration in the Mess Hall, with far more food than just the regular stew and bread.  
You had watched, a smile on your face, how the large blond sat among his friends and colleagues, and it had warmed your heart to see how content Levi was with him by his side once more.  
Of course, the stoic face didn’t give away much to the ordinary eye, but the way his eyes narrowed when looking at Erwin, the suppressed smile on his lips and his whole posture that radiated appreciation for the return of his superior told it all.

A few days ago, after Levi had stumbled out of your room the morning after falling asleep in it, you had wondered over to where he was sitting perched atop a cannon in a quiet moment.  
The Captain hadn’t mentioned anything but given you a somewhat trusting look, and you had crossed your arms, leaned against the metal construction and smiled to yourself.  
He had, surprisingly, sat down across your usual spot in the back of the dining hall that evening, eaten with you and had made you laugh with a few well-timed, lewd comments, the glint in his eyes telling you that he was enjoying himself as well.  
The comrady felt so long ago, on top of the wall, under the summer sun, had surged up again, stronger, somewhat... more, and you had revelled in it.  
The same warm, fuzzy love from back then filled your heart now, as you watched him with his family.

After dinner you had ventured back to your room and had sat down at your desk, looking over a report someone had handed in concerning vanishing pieces of soap that had everyone fighting over those few remaining.  
You were still staring down on the second paragraph, not sure whether to laugh or to throw the thing in the bin, when Hanji knocked on your door.  
She had brought a cupcake with her and looked tired, but the radiant smile on her face contrasted the circles under her eyes in a way that left no doubt she was in a far better mood than before.

“To say ‘Thank you’.” She motioned to the baked good after pulling over a second chair and sitting down in it next to you. “You really did help me a bunch when Erwin was away.”  
“Thank you, Hanji.” A pause. “It was my duty as a loyal soldier!”  
She rolled her eyes and wove a hand in your direction.  
“Oh shush.”  
“What’s going on here? I wanted a word with her, Hanji, get out.”  
You turned around to see who was in the door albeit already knowing by the voice.  
Levi stood in the frame, arms crossed and a frown on his features.  
“There’s room for both of us, shorty, come on in!”

Your eyes flickered over to the brunette which had just invited the Captain inside without anything like an okay from you, and you grumbled to yourself as the male sat down on your bed and leaned his back against the wall.  
“What are you doing now, anyway? Isn’t it too late for paperwork?” The woman asked.  
You narrowed your eyes at her.  
“I could ask you the same thing. Why aren’t you continuing the celebration in the Commander’s office or something?”  
Hanji shrugged and rose from her chair.  
“I only wanted to drop by before going there, actually. You coming, Levi? Erwin said he wants to talk to both of us.”  
The male, glaring at Hanji, had already opened his mouth to reply, when Mike’s voice wafted into the room.  
“-s been right, they are here.”  
His face appeared around the door frame.

“Evening, ______.” He greeted you, and you managed a polite smile in his direction before he pulled his head back. “-No, Erwin, they’re-“  
“Good evening, ______.” The blond’s voice said, after the Commander had stepped into the door himself. “I heard you took quite some work on yourself to help my friends.”  
You rose and went over to shake his hand.  
“I did what I could.” You gave a side-eye to Hanji before looking back up. “It’s good to have you back, Commander.”  
“Now that we’re all here we might as well carry on our little private talk, no?”  
Erwin smiled into the faces of his subordinates, completely disregarding Mike’s frown behind him.

“Sir, are you sure you want to do-“ Your half-hearted attempt at trying to uphold formalities and remind your superior that you were in no way on par with everyone else currently present in the room got blatantly ignored as the Commander took a seat to Levi’s side on your bed and comfortably folded his hands over his belly.  
Your eyes met Mike’s and you saw the same reluctance about this short-handedly decided switch of a meeting place that you felt.  
You offered him you chair and went to retrieve the small stool from the bathroom.  
Candles were lit and another uncertain look cast to the Commander before you closed your pen and took your seat among them, intently listening to what the blond had to say that hadn’t made it into the official notice that had been read by him upon his arrival.

When Wall Maria had been breached, everything had seemed to fall apart. Lines of rescue had jolted into movement far too slow, evacuating far less people than which had been living in the outer circle up until then. The trains had ran back and forth, driving them to safety, but half of the population hadn’t even realized the threat until it was too late. The stench of drugged humans was like a magnet to the titans, and they dug with, seemingly, joy into every house that reeked of that smell.  
The southernmost District Shiganshina had been little more than an overflowing storeroom for intoxicated, mindless humans. However, while the eastern and western cities had mostly just provided housing as well, the northern District had had an important place concerning demand and supply in one of the most important things inside the walls: Metal.  
Tunnels of great lengths ploughed deep into the earth below the northern city, wound through stone and underground caves, creating a mining system of vast size.  
The hardworking occupants of that very District had little to do with the mostly drugged, absent-minded folk in the other cities, and they supplied the ore used for the guns of soldiers, the knifes of the simple folk, and the everyday pieces necessary.  
When the Wall had been breached, they had declared they would not flee and abandon their work in favour of an unsafe future, rather taking the risk and sealing themselves in than leaving their home town.  
Titans were known to like warmer climate, and seldom had one seen them wander further north than the western and eastern Districts, but the danger of one or more abnormal to show up there had been great.

There were no train tracks leading this far north; the snow and ice oftentimes piling metre-high and making it impossible to maintain a constant connection to the outpost of humanity above ground.  
A tunnel had been dug, running below the surface and thus keeping in touch with the District, whereas there had been horse-pulled carriages above ground before.  
Erwin told how, a few months ago, a part of this very tunnel had unexplainably collapsed in on itself, crushing a train filled with ore and a hand-full of workers underneath it.  
They had tried to reopen the tunnel for weeks, but at last had to give up hope since the reinforcement had crumbled and threatened to completely destroy the passageway below the lands deserted.  
The weather had been too bad to see flags or other visual signs of communication, and after various failed attempts at contacting them the people in charge had sent for help to the Military Police Headquarters.

As Erwin talked with a low, sulky voice, everyone listened.

Before them, two other groups had been sent out on ponies, to try and reach the city by foot, none of which had come back.  
So, as a last attempt to establish contact, Military Police Headquarters had assembled a team of the best to send out beyond Wall Rose.  
With success. They had found their way to the Wall after travelling a long time, only to find the gate broken open and the houses behind deserted. It looked like everyone had left in a hurry, but as to where, there was no clue.  
The mines were empty, only the lowest ones flooded with ice cold water, and after a week of scouring the entire place they had given up.  
With the irregular snowstorms it was impossible to track those who might have escaped whatever had fallen upon the city, and they had headed back, without knowing what had gotten to them, where they had gone off to, or where their previous scouting teams had left.  
The white desert had probably swallowed them, and they had neither the funds nor the equipment for an expedition to search for them, so they had returned.

Erwin was a good teller, you thought to yourself. It was easy to listen to him, to his voice, relaxing despite the concerning news.  
After the Commander had ended, everyone was silent for some time.  
Finally, Hanji spoke up, her focused and attentive voice so different from usual.

“What does that mean for the ore-supply?”  
The blond shook his head. “Dead. It’s worth re-establishing the mining colony, but I doubt the MPs have time or personnel to spare to search for people who would be fit for this kind of work, and sending soldiers is not an option. The people that worked there collectively decided, and they knew exactly what they were getting into. You can’t expect that from anyone else.”  
Mike sighed. “So, what now? We run out of metal, we run out of ammo. We run out of ammo, we run out of a way to easily kill titans. We run out of ways to kill titans, Wall Rose falls. Rose falls, Sina falls. Humanity is at the brink of extinction.”

Some of the comfortable tiredness that had settled into the pit of your stomach subsided from this more than honest and painfully realistic statement.  
Levi, who hadn’t said anything so far either, intently watched his interlaced fingers on his belly.  
“I agree. But we can’t do anything. We’ll have to wait for the M-“  
Now the short male made himself known. He snorted, and you watched how his and Erwin’s eyes met.  
They seemed to have a silent conversation before Levi’s grey stare returned to the floor of your room.  
“The MPs.” He grumbled, and his face showed disgust.

“None of us likes them, Levi.” Hanji said, surprisingly calm and with a sharp eye. “Speaking of them, are there news for when the P-mission is set?”

It seemed like Erwin decided it was a good point to switch topics, for he answered Hanji and the talk began to drift off, as did your thoughts.  
The sudden lack of supply would kickstart the end, as Mike had already said. It was a strange thought, the inevitable end so near.  
It would take years until Rose would fall, surely, and maybe you wouldn’t even be alive to witness it, but the thought of being a member of the possibly last generation of humans...  
Your eyes were casually resting on Levi while your thoughts were far away, and once or twice his grey eyes would flicker to meet yours. You had placed your stool next to where he sat on your bed, and as you rested an arm on it it touched Levi’s thigh whenever he moved. It didn’t seem to be bothering the Captain much, though.  
You only half-listened to what mostly Hanji and Erwin talked about now, but days later, you wished you had paid more attention.

 

Hours waned atop the wall, where the ring around the city touched to the main part of Wall Rose. The sun eventually rose above the horizon and with every acre of land its light touched, your legs grew stiffer.  
Night shifts were the worst.  
When the light finally flooded the city below you, the bell rang out, ending your shift.  
You fell into bed and didn’t wake before the sun reached its cenit.

Upon a bleary-eyed lunch for breakfast you silently wondered why those few soldiers you had come across were in such a gloomy mood.  
Your eyes fell on a large scrap of paper pinned to the wall next to the entrance doors.  
A cold stone fell into your stomach and you stopped chewing.  
Was it today? How could you have forgotten?  
Had they left already?  
Would Levi be among them?  
For a moment you couldn’t breathe.  
Then you stood up, the food forgotten, and hurried out of the hall.

There were people littering the yard, everywhere, horses neighed and soldiers cursed, muttered and yelled words filling the golden, evening air.  
Only a fracture of those who had set out had made it back.  
You watched with a face made of stone as they walked into the yard, one after another.  
A lot of horses stood in groups, without anyone tending to them, reminders that those who had ridden out on them would never walk here again.  
You were stumbling over the cobblestone patches on the dry dirt yard, eyes scanning the crowd, searching for the key characteristics of him, the short silhouette, the black hair, the undercut, anything. Your eyebrows knit together as you vehemently tried to keep the irrational, worrying thoughts aside.

Levi was strong, Levi had experience, he wouldn’t be killed this easily, surely not, and you continued to push through the bodies buzzing between the horses, wagons.  
An animal was led away and you spotted boots peeking out from behind another’s belly, but as the person stood up straight they were too tall to be him and you turned away.  
The noises were too loud, clanking of metal and banging of wood, and Historia’s voice was still ringing in your ears.

“No no, they moved out after breakfast! They went past the Wall. They all did. It happened.”  
The purge mission.

After weeks of training the new soldiers it had finally happened.  
They had left while you slept, and the fear of never seeing them again had driven you up the walls after the short blonde had told you.

Your head was shifting from side to side, eyes running up and down every silhouette that was clad in the weird, unfamiliar dark green cape with the large wings on their backs.

A short figure stepped around a horse, a hand patted the animal’s neck, the dark hair messed up and blown to the side, the cape hanging loosely off his shoulders and you sucked in a breath.  
You approached, eyes not leaving him when you had to step out of the way of a person carrying a box, and someone in his field of vision must have stared at you for he perked up and turned around.  
There were spots and streams, hot pink on his pale face, where titan blood must have burned itself into his skin, his lip was split and there was a bump on his temple, but nothing of that mattered because his frown lightened after he spotted you. You couldn’t see the creases between his brows vanish because at that point you had already wrapped your arms around him.

“Levi.”  
It was quiet and desperate and mumbled into the green cape, and you closed your eyes.  
He didn’t say anything but returned the hug, tighter than you, a hand in your hair and one around your middle, holding you close.  
The contact was all you needed.

Relief flooded your system, the knowledge he was alive and safe and here, and you didn’t pull away for a long time.  
People stared, probably, but you weren’t seeing it as you continued to hug him.  
It didn’t matter.  
Not in this moment.

Your hair was between his fingers and there were a million things he could say right now but instead he kept quiet, bathed in the sweet ache that filled his chest with you in his arms.  
He breathed in and out.

You weren’t letting go, so why should he?

Only the two of you existed in this moment and the surrounding noise died down.  
He felt your chest moving when you breathed, felt your warmth where the clothing was thin enough to let it through, could faintly feel your pulse where his head rested against yours, felt the sweet ache in his chest expand into searing hot pain that only made him desperately clutch you closer.  
He was alive.  
And so were you.  
And nothing else mattered more.

 

 

 

 

 

Dull sounds echoed over the rooftops and he pried his eyes open.

Hands gripped tighter, arms pulled closer, as you stared towards the gate with wide eyes.

And then blinding white light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is it.  
> Kudos to whoever picked up on my iZombie-reference ^^
> 
> I'll definitly come back and rewrite parts of it, at least the first chapters, so their style will fit better and a few plotholes are patched.
> 
> But thank you for reading, leaving kudos and commenting, the comments were/are honestly my favourite part!  
> Thank you.


End file.
